This app said my handle was too long, it was supposed to be "le❌
@lexusmale.bsky.social
xusmale-like-alfamale-but-lexus" so now I have to make it both my display name and description.
real human bean
📍East Virginia
real human bean
📍East Virginia
In the song Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus, she said "I hopped off the plane at LAX ... Jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time look to my right, and I see the Hollywood sign"
How?
How?
December 18, 2025 at 7:54 AM
In the song Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus, she said "I hopped off the plane at LAX ... Jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time look to my right, and I see the Hollywood sign"
How?
How?
I bought a Christmas gift for a work colleague. She said “why would I want this, you weirdo”. Thats the last time I buy a teddy bear with a hidden WiFi camera that only I have access to as a gift for someone.
December 6, 2025 at 2:50 AM
I bought a Christmas gift for a work colleague. She said “why would I want this, you weirdo”. Thats the last time I buy a teddy bear with a hidden WiFi camera that only I have access to as a gift for someone.
The Vagina Monologues. No fannys, but plenty of cunts.
November 14, 2025 at 7:54 PM
The Vagina Monologues. No fannys, but plenty of cunts.
I don’t know why people say loan sharks are bad. I just told mine I can’t pay this month and he told me not to worry about it, then complimented my family by saying they're nice and it would be a shame if anything were to happen to them.
November 10, 2025 at 3:11 AM
I don’t know why people say loan sharks are bad. I just told mine I can’t pay this month and he told me not to worry about it, then complimented my family by saying they're nice and it would be a shame if anything were to happen to them.
I went to work in my halloween costume and now I have to have another meeting with HR. Turns out Charlie Chaplin in a Hugo Boss suit isn't "workplace appropriate"
November 1, 2025 at 6:55 PM
I went to work in my halloween costume and now I have to have another meeting with HR. Turns out Charlie Chaplin in a Hugo Boss suit isn't "workplace appropriate"
Fuck, I already failed no nut November. Oh well, there’s always next year.
November 1, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Fuck, I already failed no nut November. Oh well, there’s always next year.
The nonce formerly known as Prince.
October 31, 2025 at 3:23 AM
The nonce formerly known as Prince.
I’m preparing the candy for Halloween. Unfortunately there weren’t any large packs of Christmas themed candies so regular will have to do. I’m hiding knives in the smaller candies and the larger ones get fent or communism literature or both.
October 30, 2025 at 7:56 AM
I’m preparing the candy for Halloween. Unfortunately there weren’t any large packs of Christmas themed candies so regular will have to do. I’m hiding knives in the smaller candies and the larger ones get fent or communism literature or both.
Rectum? I damn near killed 'em!
October 29, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Rectum? I damn near killed 'em!
I just got off the phone with the customer services of an Australian beer company. It was a good call.
October 27, 2025 at 11:40 PM
I just got off the phone with the customer services of an Australian beer company. It was a good call.
Pro-tip: if you get caught by the police doing 120mph in a 70 and they ask you why you were driving that fast, “because the car can’t go any faster” is NOT the right answer.
October 25, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Pro-tip: if you get caught by the police doing 120mph in a 70 and they ask you why you were driving that fast, “because the car can’t go any faster” is NOT the right answer.
I needed some welding done, so I got a friend to do it. He did a terrible job, Miguel does not live up to his name.
October 25, 2025 at 1:57 AM
I needed some welding done, so I got a friend to do it. He did a terrible job, Miguel does not live up to his name.
They say that you can fascinate a woman with cheese. This does work. However, immediately going onto a stating a fact that women’s voices get higher pitched when talking to someone they’re attracted to, and saying “that must be why you sound like Barry White” doesn’t work. Now I’m down a Babybel.
October 24, 2025 at 10:37 PM
They say that you can fascinate a woman with cheese. This does work. However, immediately going onto a stating a fact that women’s voices get higher pitched when talking to someone they’re attracted to, and saying “that must be why you sound like Barry White” doesn’t work. Now I’m down a Babybel.
The internet has ruined me because I read that as boy milk.
October 12, 2025 at 1:51 AM
The internet has ruined me because I read that as boy milk.
Oh boy, it’s saturday, so you know what that means. Time for my Saturday night dinner. It consists of a microwave meal for one, a 2 litre bottle of vodka and a large box of Tylenol extra strength just in case.
October 11, 2025 at 6:24 AM
Oh boy, it’s saturday, so you know what that means. Time for my Saturday night dinner. It consists of a microwave meal for one, a 2 litre bottle of vodka and a large box of Tylenol extra strength just in case.
A bird of prey is a bald eagle or an owl or something. A bird of pray is a nun. Learn the bloody difference.
October 2, 2025 at 1:49 AM
A bird of prey is a bald eagle or an owl or something. A bird of pray is a nun. Learn the bloody difference.
Being bisexual means you unironically listen to Lady Gaga and Charli XCX but you don’t go to broadway musicals.
October 2, 2025 at 1:22 AM
Being bisexual means you unironically listen to Lady Gaga and Charli XCX but you don’t go to broadway musicals.
Clous
September 28, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Clous
This year for Halloween, I’m going to give out full sized candy bars. But, they’re going to be Christmas themed candy bars.
September 28, 2025 at 6:41 AM
This year for Halloween, I’m going to give out full sized candy bars. But, they’re going to be Christmas themed candy bars.
The song Irish Celebration by Macklemore isn’t a celebration at all. It says that the Irish are violent drunks that are terrible at football.
September 26, 2025 at 6:39 AM
The song Irish Celebration by Macklemore isn’t a celebration at all. It says that the Irish are violent drunks that are terrible at football.
I tried to count in French once. I couldn’t get past seven. Turns out I have a huit allergy.
September 22, 2025 at 6:38 PM
I tried to count in French once. I couldn’t get past seven. Turns out I have a huit allergy.
I have created a #Starbucks order that is incredibly healthy. It's so good for you, that it literally sucks the fat out of your body. It has -3.5g of fat. A healthy amount of weight to lose per week is around 500g. Drink 140 of these bad boys a week and you don't need to work out.
September 19, 2025 at 5:20 AM
I have created a #Starbucks order that is incredibly healthy. It's so good for you, that it literally sucks the fat out of your body. It has -3.5g of fat. A healthy amount of weight to lose per week is around 500g. Drink 140 of these bad boys a week and you don't need to work out.
I'm having a delicious food.
September 16, 2025 at 4:14 AM
I'm having a delicious food.
I am raising funds to open what looks like a brothel in Las Vegas and call it Pound Town. But on the inside, it’s just British things for sale and the only accepted currency is UK currency.
Please donate to make my dreams come true. This will be a successful business venture.
Please donate to make my dreams come true. This will be a successful business venture.
September 14, 2025 at 8:09 PM
I am raising funds to open what looks like a brothel in Las Vegas and call it Pound Town. But on the inside, it’s just British things for sale and the only accepted currency is UK currency.
Please donate to make my dreams come true. This will be a successful business venture.
Please donate to make my dreams come true. This will be a successful business venture.
Hey Lois, this is worse than that time I gave a guy type 2 diapetes.
ehehehehe I longer produces enough insulin.
ehehehehe I longer produces enough insulin.
September 6, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Hey Lois, this is worse than that time I gave a guy type 2 diapetes.
ehehehehe I longer produces enough insulin.
ehehehehe I longer produces enough insulin.