Jill Morris
@jillmorris.bsky.social
Contributor for The Onion, McSweeney's, LA Mag and more. Upright Citizens Brigade alum. Angelyne's campaign manager for CA gov. I wrote a book once.
My Dasher’s driving the wrong way with my uranium.
November 22, 2024 at 8:32 PM
My Dasher’s driving the wrong way with my uranium.
Reposted by Jill Morris
Every parent who said “I’ll GIVE you something to cry about” was talking about 2024.
November 22, 2024 at 6:09 PM
Every parent who said “I’ll GIVE you something to cry about” was talking about 2024.
Not surprised Trump and his people are assaulting America. It is a pretty young country.
November 22, 2024 at 6:06 PM
Not surprised Trump and his people are assaulting America. It is a pretty young country.
Reposted by Jill Morris
Matt Gaetz saving face by telling friends he just wanted to spend more time with other people’s kids
JUST IN: Former GOP Rep. Matt Gaetz is withdrawing from consideration to be President-elect Donald Trump's attorney general. cnn.it/4fEA1IY
November 21, 2024 at 5:55 PM
Matt Gaetz saving face by telling friends he just wanted to spend more time with other people’s kids
Goodbye, cruel, world.
Wait, no! The comma!
Wait, no! The comma!
November 20, 2024 at 3:58 PM
Goodbye, cruel, world.
Wait, no! The comma!
Wait, no! The comma!
Has America tried pinning the Constitution to the top of its profile?
November 20, 2024 at 3:47 PM
Has America tried pinning the Constitution to the top of its profile?
Is it a red flag if you're dating a serial killer, and he only wants to kill other people?
November 19, 2024 at 11:36 PM
Is it a red flag if you're dating a serial killer, and he only wants to kill other people?
Not worried about nuclear war because I think I’d look better with three tits.
November 19, 2024 at 11:01 PM
Not worried about nuclear war because I think I’d look better with three tits.
Maybe now that Dr. Oz is in charge of Medicaid and Medicare, they'll finally start covering the vacuum dust he sells as a supplement.
November 19, 2024 at 10:31 PM
Maybe now that Dr. Oz is in charge of Medicaid and Medicare, they'll finally start covering the vacuum dust he sells as a supplement.
If I’m not the most popular person in my camp, I’m joining the fascists.
November 18, 2024 at 8:18 PM
If I’m not the most popular person in my camp, I’m joining the fascists.
Your honor, my client is innocent because I assume everything is my fault.
November 17, 2024 at 8:51 PM
Your honor, my client is innocent because I assume everything is my fault.
Two happy creatures back in October. Georgia has not let the election affect her mood.
November 16, 2024 at 6:31 PM
Two happy creatures back in October. Georgia has not let the election affect her mood.
Reposted by Jill Morris
Hi friends!
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
November 16, 2024 at 5:51 PM
Hi friends!
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
Of course. The details would be too arousing for Republicans to handle.
JUST IN: Speaker Mike Johnson says he will request the House Ethics Committee not release a report on allegations related to Trump attorney general pick Matt Gaetz.
Speaker Johnson says he’s going request Ethics Committee not release Gaetz report | CNN Politics
House Speaker Mike Johnson said on Friday that he does not think the House Ethics Committee report on allegations related to Matt Gaetz should be released and is “going to strongly request that the Et...
www.cnn.com
November 15, 2024 at 5:32 PM
Of course. The details would be too arousing for Republicans to handle.
Well, why are teenagers allowed to be that age, anyway?
Debbie Wasserman Schultz: "Most parents wouldn't trust Matt Gaetz with their teenager, never mind with our entire system of justice."
November 15, 2024 at 5:20 PM
Well, why are teenagers allowed to be that age, anyway?
I would speak out against the removal of the Department of Education, but I don’t want to end up on the Department of Re-Education’s radar.
November 14, 2024 at 7:34 PM
I would speak out against the removal of the Department of Education, but I don’t want to end up on the Department of Re-Education’s radar.
Getting pretty sick of this sleep paralysis demon climbing on top of me every night and never asking me to be his gf.
November 14, 2024 at 4:55 PM
Getting pretty sick of this sleep paralysis demon climbing on top of me every night and never asking me to be his gf.
Reposted by Jill Morris
This is the last time any of us will be happy so I’m going to wallow in it.
Hi everyone.
The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars.
We are planning on making it a very funny, very stupid website.
We have retained the services of some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull this off.
I can't wait to show you what we have cooked up.
The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars.
We are planning on making it a very funny, very stupid website.
We have retained the services of some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull this off.
I can't wait to show you what we have cooked up.
The Onion Buys Alex Jones’s Infowars Out of Bankruptcy
The satirical news site planned to turn Infowars into a parody of itself, mocking “weird internet personalities” who peddle conspiracy theories and health supplements.
www.nytimes.com
November 14, 2024 at 4:29 PM
This is the last time any of us will be happy so I’m going to wallow in it.
My pharmacist forgot my birthday again.
November 13, 2024 at 11:55 PM
My pharmacist forgot my birthday again.
Republicans care so much about children they’re installing a pedophile attorney general.
November 13, 2024 at 8:51 PM
Republicans care so much about children they’re installing a pedophile attorney general.
I hope democrats hand over weather control peacefully.
November 13, 2024 at 8:27 PM
I hope democrats hand over weather control peacefully.
The new Secretary of Defense doesn’t believe in germs. So good news other countries: germ warfare is out.
November 13, 2024 at 12:46 AM
The new Secretary of Defense doesn’t believe in germs. So good news other countries: germ warfare is out.
Nick Fuentes' house burned down. I always suspected fire was feminist.
November 12, 2024 at 11:13 PM
Nick Fuentes' house burned down. I always suspected fire was feminist.
I tried to give the scammer who just called notes.
November 12, 2024 at 9:37 PM
I tried to give the scammer who just called notes.
Feeling good with 46 followers. Hope my ego doesn’t get too big if I hit 50.
November 12, 2024 at 9:24 PM
Feeling good with 46 followers. Hope my ego doesn’t get too big if I hit 50.