James Kass
@jameskass.bsky.social
Data Nerd in the Entertainment Industry
Mostly-Retired Stand-Up Comedian
Husband to My Amazing Wife
Father to My Two Precocious Boys
Mostly-Retired Stand-Up Comedian
Husband to My Amazing Wife
Father to My Two Precocious Boys
Pinned
James Kass
@jameskass.bsky.social
· Dec 19
Ten F*cked Up Things My Mother-In-Law “Actually” Said As We Watched “Love Actually” Together.
Don’t watch a Rom-Com with your wife’s Mom.
medium.com
Tis the season for #LoveActually, so time to repost the epic story of the time I watched this crazy film with my "no filter" Mother-in-Law while my beautiful bride was in the hospital recovering from childbirth. If it gives you a laugh, please share! medium.com/@JamesKass/t...
Last time Booker was on my TV this long I just got my copy of "Bioshock: Infinite" and played all weekend.
April 2, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Last time Booker was on my TV this long I just got my copy of "Bioshock: Infinite" and played all weekend.
I sincerely wish Trump was a lot more like Jimmy Carter.
And y'all can take that aaaaaany way you want to.
#ripPresidentJimmyCarter
And y'all can take that aaaaaany way you want to.
#ripPresidentJimmyCarter
January 10, 2025 at 5:25 AM
I sincerely wish Trump was a lot more like Jimmy Carter.
And y'all can take that aaaaaany way you want to.
#ripPresidentJimmyCarter
And y'all can take that aaaaaany way you want to.
#ripPresidentJimmyCarter
I'm not exactly saying they're the same person, but has anyone ever seen @maklelan.bsky.social and @anthonyjeselnik.bsky.social in the same room together?
January 2, 2025 at 2:16 AM
I'm not exactly saying they're the same person, but has anyone ever seen @maklelan.bsky.social and @anthonyjeselnik.bsky.social in the same room together?
When I was in my 20s, I had a fish that could talk.
Seriously.
One day, I was sitting in my room, feeding it those little fish flakes, and as I watched them slowly sink deeper into the tank, he sensed I was there. He stopped nibbling, swam up the glass, and stared at me. 🧵 (1/5)
Seriously.
One day, I was sitting in my room, feeding it those little fish flakes, and as I watched them slowly sink deeper into the tank, he sensed I was there. He stopped nibbling, swam up the glass, and stared at me. 🧵 (1/5)
December 27, 2024 at 11:11 PM
When I was in my 20s, I had a fish that could talk.
Seriously.
One day, I was sitting in my room, feeding it those little fish flakes, and as I watched them slowly sink deeper into the tank, he sensed I was there. He stopped nibbling, swam up the glass, and stared at me. 🧵 (1/5)
Seriously.
One day, I was sitting in my room, feeding it those little fish flakes, and as I watched them slowly sink deeper into the tank, he sensed I was there. He stopped nibbling, swam up the glass, and stared at me. 🧵 (1/5)
My 7 year old watches enough British cartoons (Peppa Pig, Alphablocks, Ben & Holly) he should know how to do the accent, but when he tries, he sounds like Joe Pesci.
December 21, 2024 at 5:38 AM
My 7 year old watches enough British cartoons (Peppa Pig, Alphablocks, Ben & Holly) he should know how to do the accent, but when he tries, he sounds like Joe Pesci.
Okay hear me out: a reboot of The IT Crowd, but starring the cast of New Girl.
December 21, 2024 at 5:35 AM
Okay hear me out: a reboot of The IT Crowd, but starring the cast of New Girl.
Tis the season for #LoveActually, so time to repost the epic story of the time I watched this crazy film with my "no filter" Mother-in-Law while my beautiful bride was in the hospital recovering from childbirth. If it gives you a laugh, please share! medium.com/@JamesKass/t...
Ten F*cked Up Things My Mother-In-Law “Actually” Said As We Watched “Love Actually” Together.
Don’t watch a Rom-Com with your wife’s Mom.
medium.com
December 19, 2024 at 9:50 PM
Tis the season for #LoveActually, so time to repost the epic story of the time I watched this crazy film with my "no filter" Mother-in-Law while my beautiful bride was in the hospital recovering from childbirth. If it gives you a laugh, please share! medium.com/@JamesKass/t...
Not sure who can make this happen, but I humbly request a Jack Black cover of Fiona Apple's "Fast as You Can". Thank you in advance.
December 19, 2024 at 4:33 PM
Not sure who can make this happen, but I humbly request a Jack Black cover of Fiona Apple's "Fast as You Can". Thank you in advance.
I don't let my kids curse all the time (they know not to do it at school or when Grandpa's around), but I try not to be too strict about it either. I'm like the MPAA: I like to keep them at PG-13. They're allowed an F-bomb or two but any more than that and they know they're in trouble. 🤬
December 18, 2024 at 3:51 AM
I don't let my kids curse all the time (they know not to do it at school or when Grandpa's around), but I try not to be too strict about it either. I'm like the MPAA: I like to keep them at PG-13. They're allowed an F-bomb or two but any more than that and they know they're in trouble. 🤬
My 7yo couldn't recall the word "obviously" so he said "ofcoursely" instead and I'm going to start using it now because it should totally be a word.
December 17, 2024 at 1:22 PM
My 7yo couldn't recall the word "obviously" so he said "ofcoursely" instead and I'm going to start using it now because it should totally be a word.
Technology makes us lazy. That’s why I never bought into the #startrek concept of the Borg.
NEW SPECIES: Hi we’re a heavily populated society with soft brains and primitive defenses.
REALISTIC BORG: We will assimilate you right after we’re done binge watching all 127 seasons of Law & Order:SVU
NEW SPECIES: Hi we’re a heavily populated society with soft brains and primitive defenses.
REALISTIC BORG: We will assimilate you right after we’re done binge watching all 127 seasons of Law & Order:SVU
December 17, 2024 at 1:06 PM
Technology makes us lazy. That’s why I never bought into the #startrek concept of the Borg.
NEW SPECIES: Hi we’re a heavily populated society with soft brains and primitive defenses.
REALISTIC BORG: We will assimilate you right after we’re done binge watching all 127 seasons of Law & Order:SVU
NEW SPECIES: Hi we’re a heavily populated society with soft brains and primitive defenses.
REALISTIC BORG: We will assimilate you right after we’re done binge watching all 127 seasons of Law & Order:SVU
I could never be a NJ Transit conductor, because every time we'd travel through the city of Elizabeth, I wouldn't be able to resist busting out my terrible Redd Foxx impersonation.
December 17, 2024 at 1:03 PM
I could never be a NJ Transit conductor, because every time we'd travel through the city of Elizabeth, I wouldn't be able to resist busting out my terrible Redd Foxx impersonation.
At least with Bigfoot you've gotta put on a whole costume and have your buddy go out into the woods and film you. Now all you need is a $50 drone, some creepy lights, a little Vaseline on the iPhone lense and a YouTube account and presto, you can join in the hoax fun as well.
December 15, 2024 at 6:10 AM
At least with Bigfoot you've gotta put on a whole costume and have your buddy go out into the woods and film you. Now all you need is a $50 drone, some creepy lights, a little Vaseline on the iPhone lense and a YouTube account and presto, you can join in the hoax fun as well.
So grateful for all of the new followers, and looking forward to inevitably disappointing you all with my awkward sense of humor and overly snarky replies.
December 14, 2024 at 5:29 PM
So grateful for all of the new followers, and looking forward to inevitably disappointing you all with my awkward sense of humor and overly snarky replies.
I wrote this joke in 2015 and maybe three of you out there will get it all these years later...
December 8, 2024 at 4:41 PM
I wrote this joke in 2015 and maybe three of you out there will get it all these years later...
I used to think the characters in Harry Potter were dumb for being afraid to say Voldemort's name out loud, but here I am referring to my Amazon device as "Shashmexa" to avoid triggering her and thinking to myself: who's the dumbass muggle now?
December 7, 2024 at 2:57 AM
I used to think the characters in Harry Potter were dumb for being afraid to say Voldemort's name out loud, but here I am referring to my Amazon device as "Shashmexa" to avoid triggering her and thinking to myself: who's the dumbass muggle now?
The collapse of the Hawk Tuah Crypto has lead me to reevaluate my longstanding policy of basing all important investment decisions on the astute analysis of whomever gives out the best advice about fellatio.
December 6, 2024 at 10:07 PM
The collapse of the Hawk Tuah Crypto has lead me to reevaluate my longstanding policy of basing all important investment decisions on the astute analysis of whomever gives out the best advice about fellatio.
Starship Troopers could've been a much shorter movie if they just lowered a giant one of these onto the planet. Also, how about using drones and lasers instead of humans with tasty brains carrying guns with tiny metal bullets that you need to fire 500 rounds before the enemy even breaks a toenail?
December 5, 2024 at 10:27 PM
Starship Troopers could've been a much shorter movie if they just lowered a giant one of these onto the planet. Also, how about using drones and lasers instead of humans with tasty brains carrying guns with tiny metal bullets that you need to fire 500 rounds before the enemy even breaks a toenail?
Fun fact: The Proclaimers and Vanessa Carlton passed each other halfway through their journeys in opposite directions.
December 5, 2024 at 6:06 PM
Fun fact: The Proclaimers and Vanessa Carlton passed each other halfway through their journeys in opposite directions.
I'd use Bluesky more if they had character limit parity with Threads. I choose my words carefully but use a lot of them.
December 5, 2024 at 1:01 PM
I'd use Bluesky more if they had character limit parity with Threads. I choose my words carefully but use a lot of them.
It's report card day and our 10yo got an A+ in phys ed.
Somebody call Maury.
Somebody call Maury.
December 4, 2024 at 3:18 AM
It's report card day and our 10yo got an A+ in phys ed.
Somebody call Maury.
Somebody call Maury.
Watching Disney+ with the kids and came to the sad realization that Doc McStuffins has a more comprehensive healthcare plan than the GOP.
November 30, 2024 at 4:24 PM
Watching Disney+ with the kids and came to the sad realization that Doc McStuffins has a more comprehensive healthcare plan than the GOP.
Whatever technique the Great British Bake Off producers use to find supportive, creative, good-natured, diverse contestants, I need to use the same technique to find friends. If that means I gotta bribe them with the promise of a cake stand, so be it.
November 30, 2024 at 4:04 AM
Whatever technique the Great British Bake Off producers use to find supportive, creative, good-natured, diverse contestants, I need to use the same technique to find friends. If that means I gotta bribe them with the promise of a cake stand, so be it.
In Encanto, if Mirabel's mom makes food that heals people, why does Mirabel need glasses? Is vision and dental not covered under this magic food health plan?
November 30, 2024 at 3:45 AM
In Encanto, if Mirabel's mom makes food that heals people, why does Mirabel need glasses? Is vision and dental not covered under this magic food health plan?
I suffer from aftokintodachtylomatisakiphobia: an irrational fear of rubbing your eyes while in a car because you might hit a pothole and poke your eye out.
November 30, 2024 at 12:00 AM
I suffer from aftokintodachtylomatisakiphobia: an irrational fear of rubbing your eyes while in a car because you might hit a pothole and poke your eye out.