Jake Slocum: It's weird, right?
@jakewrites.bsky.social
Lumberjack| Farmer| Comedian| Writer - formerly Creepshow: The Game, Dread Central, Syfy Portal, Cracked, others.
Currently being lifted up by a weird heavenly beam and I hear...harps? Well I'm gonna hit "post" and drop my phone.
September 23, 2025 at 6:33 AM
Currently being lifted up by a weird heavenly beam and I hear...harps? Well I'm gonna hit "post" and drop my phone.
Don't buy games from shitty companies. Seems like a lot of folks don't understand that and keep doing it, expecting the shit company to become better. That never happens.
September 17, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Don't buy games from shitty companies. Seems like a lot of folks don't understand that and keep doing it, expecting the shit company to become better. That never happens.
Crazy that two dudes named Scatman were alive *and* famous at the same time.
September 17, 2025 at 6:28 AM
Crazy that two dudes named Scatman were alive *and* famous at the same time.
Unfortunately gotta go clean up my feed because it's like walking through an open air market.
"BUY MY BOOK"
"BUY MY GAME"
"BUY MY COURSE"
"BUY MY EXPERIENCE"
"BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY"
It's disgusting. When did every single place on the Internet get like this?
"BUY MY BOOK"
"BUY MY GAME"
"BUY MY COURSE"
"BUY MY EXPERIENCE"
"BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY"
It's disgusting. When did every single place on the Internet get like this?
September 16, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Unfortunately gotta go clean up my feed because it's like walking through an open air market.
"BUY MY BOOK"
"BUY MY GAME"
"BUY MY COURSE"
"BUY MY EXPERIENCE"
"BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY"
It's disgusting. When did every single place on the Internet get like this?
"BUY MY BOOK"
"BUY MY GAME"
"BUY MY COURSE"
"BUY MY EXPERIENCE"
"BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY"
It's disgusting. When did every single place on the Internet get like this?
There is nothing scarier than hearing an unfamiliar sound in the woods you've lived in your whole life.
September 16, 2025 at 7:17 AM
There is nothing scarier than hearing an unfamiliar sound in the woods you've lived in your whole life.
MTV's Fear
September 14, 2025 at 1:06 AM
MTV's Fear
Didn't have "new McCarthyism" on my bingo card.
September 13, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Didn't have "new McCarthyism" on my bingo card.
Wish the grasshoppers would FUCK OFF but at least they're getting close to turning and in turn being harvested.
Got probably 15 at this stage currently. Psyched.
Got probably 15 at this stage currently. Psyched.
September 13, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Wish the grasshoppers would FUCK OFF but at least they're getting close to turning and in turn being harvested.
Got probably 15 at this stage currently. Psyched.
Got probably 15 at this stage currently. Psyched.
A Boston porno version of Something Wicked This Way Comes called 'Wicked Cums'.
September 12, 2025 at 11:42 PM
A Boston porno version of Something Wicked This Way Comes called 'Wicked Cums'.
I'd post more but my pumpkins are coming in really well this year
September 12, 2025 at 4:47 PM
I'd post more but my pumpkins are coming in really well this year
Is Andy from Toy Story named as an homage to Andy Barclay from Child's Play, who also had a toy that came to life?
September 12, 2025 at 1:54 AM
Is Andy from Toy Story named as an homage to Andy Barclay from Child's Play, who also had a toy that came to life?
Sometimes the tech hell future is kinda funny
September 11, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Sometimes the tech hell future is kinda funny
Occasionally, in the small hours, I see something move just out of the reach of the light from the dim bedside table.
It's probably nothing.
It's probably nothing.
September 10, 2025 at 7:20 AM
Occasionally, in the small hours, I see something move just out of the reach of the light from the dim bedside table.
It's probably nothing.
It's probably nothing.
Bring back the Jeremy Renner app
September 10, 2025 at 5:40 AM
Bring back the Jeremy Renner app
Lol my Google Memories thing is showing me pics of all the stuff I photographed to list on eBay last year to make ends meet.
Thanks Google.
Thanks Google.
September 8, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Lol my Google Memories thing is showing me pics of all the stuff I photographed to list on eBay last year to make ends meet.
Thanks Google.
Thanks Google.
You should see what the president is doing. Just blast your eyes and brain 24/7 with the adventures of the worst old man.
You can't do anything about it, but it will also make you feel bad.
You can't do anything about it, but it will also make you feel bad.
September 5, 2025 at 5:30 PM
You should see what the president is doing. Just blast your eyes and brain 24/7 with the adventures of the worst old man.
You can't do anything about it, but it will also make you feel bad.
You can't do anything about it, but it will also make you feel bad.
Wasn't fast enough to get a picture but just saw the essence of modern Oklahoma: A teen girl riding a horse down the road looking at her phone.
September 4, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Wasn't fast enough to get a picture but just saw the essence of modern Oklahoma: A teen girl riding a horse down the road looking at her phone.
Truly raised by an algorithm, their morals are based on YouTube shorts content guidelines.
September 4, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Truly raised by an algorithm, their morals are based on YouTube shorts content guidelines.
Keep getting ai ads for some self-published novel.
Lol get fucked I hope that shit craters.
Lol get fucked I hope that shit craters.
September 1, 2025 at 3:12 PM
Keep getting ai ads for some self-published novel.
Lol get fucked I hope that shit craters.
Lol get fucked I hope that shit craters.
The Age of Heroes never happened in our universe
August 29, 2025 at 4:58 PM
The Age of Heroes never happened in our universe
Lol Vampire the masquerade bloodlines 2 comes out at the end of October, but they've already helpfully announced that two of the vampire clans will be launch day DLC.
We gotta close the games industry for a few years to weed out all the opportunists, tech bros, and "producers"
We gotta close the games industry for a few years to weed out all the opportunists, tech bros, and "producers"
August 28, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Lol Vampire the masquerade bloodlines 2 comes out at the end of October, but they've already helpfully announced that two of the vampire clans will be launch day DLC.
We gotta close the games industry for a few years to weed out all the opportunists, tech bros, and "producers"
We gotta close the games industry for a few years to weed out all the opportunists, tech bros, and "producers"
Jeff Koons said his vacuums behind glass were "kind of eternal virgins".
Art is so fuckin weird.
Art is so fuckin weird.
August 27, 2025 at 7:48 AM
Jeff Koons said his vacuums behind glass were "kind of eternal virgins".
Art is so fuckin weird.
Art is so fuckin weird.
My wife is selling her laptop, so I've been getting it all ready today. I didn't want to throw away her accumulated stickers, so the ones that came off (in one coherent piece) got added to this piece of black construction paper.
I might throw a small frame on it.
I might throw a small frame on it.
August 25, 2025 at 9:41 PM
My wife is selling her laptop, so I've been getting it all ready today. I didn't want to throw away her accumulated stickers, so the ones that came off (in one coherent piece) got added to this piece of black construction paper.
I might throw a small frame on it.
I might throw a small frame on it.
I'm currently buying as much of the irradiated shrimp as possible for reasons.
August 25, 2025 at 9:16 PM
I'm currently buying as much of the irradiated shrimp as possible for reasons.