Ian Thomas Malone
@ianthomasmalone.bsky.social
Transgender Princess, Post-Op Malone, Comedian, Tomatometer Approved Critic, Pod: Estradiol Illusions, Bylines: GQ, Little White Lies. (she/her) Long Beach, CA
Rep: Geffen Semach, WCA
ITM Diaries Substack: https://ianthomasmalone.substack.com/
Rep: Geffen Semach, WCA
ITM Diaries Substack: https://ianthomasmalone.substack.com/
People act like pronouns are confusing but will go out to eat at a place called Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.
January 6, 2026 at 12:25 AM
People act like pronouns are confusing but will go out to eat at a place called Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.
Congress can’t stop Arby’s from performing gender affirming care.
December 19, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Congress can’t stop Arby’s from performing gender affirming care.
I wish I'd known how easy it was to transition when I was home sick from school. Would have made life much easier!
Trump: "Transgender for every member of your family. If they're not feeling well that night, let's just change their sex."
December 10, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I wish I'd known how easy it was to transition when I was home sick from school. Would have made life much easier!
Pete Hegseth has gone too far.
December 4, 2025 at 5:51 AM
Pete Hegseth has gone too far.
I wrote about the Fanta Fuhrer's latest controversy and how his makeup-loving Secretary of WAR (deadname: Defense) forgot that all the bluster performed for Fox News is supposed to be for show. I don't think he can Franklin meme his way out of this one.
The Fox News President, Basking in His Incompetence P*rn
You're supposed to tell brainwashed viewers that woke is dead. You're not supposed to actually commit the war crimes.
substack.com
December 3, 2025 at 7:21 PM
I wrote about the Fanta Fuhrer's latest controversy and how his makeup-loving Secretary of WAR (deadname: Defense) forgot that all the bluster performed for Fox News is supposed to be for show. I don't think he can Franklin meme his way out of this one.
I thought Hegseth was against "the woke rules of engagement."
Why isn't this White House prouder of its war crimes?
Why isn't this White House prouder of its war crimes?
December 2, 2025 at 3:24 PM
I thought Hegseth was against "the woke rules of engagement."
Why isn't this White House prouder of its war crimes?
Why isn't this White House prouder of its war crimes?
Not a good day to be Kim Davis.
November 10, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Not a good day to be Kim Davis.
I wrote about the death of Dick Cheney, and the Republicans' miserable performance in last night's election, where they lost (and lost badly).
As a Sith Lord Passes, a New Hope Rises
Dick Cheney has died. ITM offers some perspective on Cheney's complicated life, along with some analysis of Republicans' disastrous performance in last night's election.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
November 5, 2025 at 7:15 PM
I wrote about the death of Dick Cheney, and the Republicans' miserable performance in last night's election, where they lost (and lost badly).
I’m old enough to remember when we had a House of Representatives.
October 26, 2025 at 11:53 PM
I’m old enough to remember when we had a House of Representatives.
I wrote about the East Wing's Mar-a-Lago Face makeover, Trump's long history of destroying old buildings, and his latest grift to pillage 230 million dollars from the Justice Department in my newsletter.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com/p/the-white-...
ianthomasmalone.substack.com/p/the-white-...
The White House Gets Hit With Mar-a-Lago Face
Trump destroyed the East Wing to transform The People's House into his beloved safe space.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
October 23, 2025 at 6:24 PM
I wrote about the East Wing's Mar-a-Lago Face makeover, Trump's long history of destroying old buildings, and his latest grift to pillage 230 million dollars from the Justice Department in my newsletter.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com/p/the-white-...
ianthomasmalone.substack.com/p/the-white-...
When I was little, magazines that featured an exposed labia on the cover had to be embalmed with shrink-wrap.
October 14, 2025 at 4:08 PM
When I was little, magazines that featured an exposed labia on the cover had to be embalmed with shrink-wrap.
I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about the Giant Frogs that saved Portland.
October 12, 2025 at 3:57 AM
I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about the Giant Frogs that saved Portland.
Stephen Miller wants to invoke the Insurrection Act to stop Elon Musk from dating his wife.
October 9, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Stephen Miller wants to invoke the Insurrection Act to stop Elon Musk from dating his wife.
I wrote about ICE's toilet problem, the Dem's genius shutdown strategy, Pam Bondi's meltdown, and the sword that Donald desperately wanted to gift to King Charles. Republicans are an absolute mess right now. Sad!
No F*cking Way
Republicans hate gender neutral bathrooms. ICE agents with full bladders in Chicago sure could use one right about now.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
October 8, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I wrote about ICE's toilet problem, the Dem's genius shutdown strategy, Pam Bondi's meltdown, and the sword that Donald desperately wanted to gift to King Charles. Republicans are an absolute mess right now. Sad!
Strange that Republicans are so obsessed with litter boxes, but forgot to bring any for ICE to use in Chicago.
October 7, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Strange that Republicans are so obsessed with litter boxes, but forgot to bring any for ICE to use in Chicago.
Three days ago was my bottom surgery anniversary. Honored to have my Bluesky checkmark anniversary within the same week.
🛡️ @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social has been verified by @bsky.team Track verified accounts and trusted verifiers at bverified.vercel.app!
October 6, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Three days ago was my bottom surgery anniversary. Honored to have my Bluesky checkmark anniversary within the same week.
Bad Bunny should offer an olive branch to conservatives by performing with a hologram Charlie Kirk at the Super Bowl. I’m sure they’d have a normal reaction to that.
October 3, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Bad Bunny should offer an olive branch to conservatives by performing with a hologram Charlie Kirk at the Super Bowl. I’m sure they’d have a normal reaction to that.
Reposted by Ian Thomas Malone
The latest from my favorite trans-sister, @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social :
open.substack.com/pub/ianthoma...
open.substack.com/pub/ianthoma...
Why is Donald So Upset?
The President could have used his UN Speech to take an authoritarian victory lap. Instead, he whined about an escalator that his own staff broke.
open.substack.com
September 30, 2025 at 9:04 PM
The latest from my favorite trans-sister, @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social :
open.substack.com/pub/ianthoma...
open.substack.com/pub/ianthoma...
Only a Temu version of masculinity, the same kind who builds a makeup studio in his Pentagon office, would summon hundreds of generals to Quantico to try and teach them how to be more alpha.
September 30, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Only a Temu version of masculinity, the same kind who builds a makeup studio in his Pentagon office, would summon hundreds of generals to Quantico to try and teach them how to be more alpha.
It’s irresponsible of Trump to have Lindsey Halligan prosecute Comey, taking her away from the important work of figuring out who shot J.R.
September 27, 2025 at 11:53 PM
It’s irresponsible of Trump to have Lindsey Halligan prosecute Comey, taking her away from the important work of figuring out who shot J.R.
I’m surprised that Lindsey Halligan has time to prosecute James Comey with all the drama going on at Melrose Place.
September 27, 2025 at 10:18 PM
I’m surprised that Lindsey Halligan has time to prosecute James Comey with all the drama going on at Melrose Place.
If a woman went out in public with her privates dangling out like his labia, she'd be arrested for indecent exposure.
September 19, 2025 at 4:19 PM
If a woman went out in public with her privates dangling out like his labia, she'd be arrested for indecent exposure.
I wrote about the mainstream media's sickening efforts to normalize Charlie Kirk on my Substack.
The Dangerous Normalization of Charlie Kirk
Be careful mentioning Charlie Kirk's own words. A mob of his supporters might try to destroy you.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
September 15, 2025 at 6:01 PM
I wrote about the mainstream media's sickening efforts to normalize Charlie Kirk on my Substack.
I heard that the shooter once used public TRANSportation.
September 14, 2025 at 8:03 PM
I heard that the shooter once used public TRANSportation.
These can’t both be true.
September 12, 2025 at 1:00 AM
These can’t both be true.