Gary Panton
@garypanton.co.uk
Author of THE NOTWITCHES and THE NOTWITCHES: PRISON BREAK. All the links for ordering can be found at garypanton.co.uk/books/
Represented by Rachel Mann at CAA.
📍Perth, Scotland
🌐 garypanton.co.uk
Represented by Rachel Mann at CAA.
📍Perth, Scotland
🌐 garypanton.co.uk
Pinned
Gary Panton
@garypanton.co.uk
· Aug 14
Ta-da! My new book, The Notwitches: Prison Break, is out NOW! Huge thanks to all at @chickenhousebooks.bsky.social, Dotty Sutton for her brilliant artwork and my wonderful agent @rachelpmann.bsky.social. And of course big thanks to everyone who buys it, which you can do here: garypanton.co.uk/books/
Reposted by Gary Panton
12YO girl signed up to do “stand up comedy” at the talent show. 13YO boy decided to heckle her. Teacher started to tell the boy to leave her alone, but the 12YO comedian said “no, no, let him go, this is the closest he’s ever going to get to having a conversation with a girl.”
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 4:43 PM
12YO girl signed up to do “stand up comedy” at the talent show. 13YO boy decided to heckle her. Teacher started to tell the boy to leave her alone, but the 12YO comedian said “no, no, let him go, this is the closest he’s ever going to get to having a conversation with a girl.”
A little girl approached my wife on the street, looked at me for a second and then said to her, "Is that your dad?". (I'm only three years older than her!)
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 5:32 PM
A little girl approached my wife on the street, looked at me for a second and then said to her, "Is that your dad?". (I'm only three years older than her!)
Found a hair growing out of the top of my ear this morning. The top. Is this what 2026 holds? Shaving the tops of my ears like some sort of woodland goblin? No. Unacceptable.
December 26, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Found a hair growing out of the top of my ear this morning. The top. Is this what 2026 holds? Shaving the tops of my ears like some sort of woodland goblin? No. Unacceptable.
Only 364 sleeps 'till Christmas. 🎅
December 26, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Only 364 sleeps 'till Christmas. 🎅
Feeling very pleased with my book haul from yesterday. 😍
December 26, 2025 at 9:54 AM
Feeling very pleased with my book haul from yesterday. 😍
Me at 9am on Christmas vs me at 6pm on Christmas.
December 25, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Me at 9am on Christmas vs me at 6pm on Christmas.
Always important to take the pulse of the nation on this issue. After Eight wrappers: leave them in the box or take them out?
December 25, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Always important to take the pulse of the nation on this issue. After Eight wrappers: leave them in the box or take them out?
Me and my Dad got shares in St Johnstone FC for Christmas, so we can now sing "sack the board" at ourselves when results are going badly.
December 25, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Me and my Dad got shares in St Johnstone FC for Christmas, so we can now sing "sack the board" at ourselves when results are going badly.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Have a wonderful day.
December 25, 2025 at 8:21 AM
Merry Christmas, everyone. Have a wonderful day.
Indecent Proposal starting now on BBC2. Such a bizarre choice of film for Christmas Eve.
December 24, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Indecent Proposal starting now on BBC2. Such a bizarre choice of film for Christmas Eve.
Wholesome Christmas story: when I was little my grandad used to phone our house every Christmas Eve and pretend to be Santa checking if me and my sister had been good that year. It used to absolutely blow my mind. 100% believed it was Santa on the phone. Was so overwhelmed I barely ever said a word.
December 24, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Wholesome Christmas story: when I was little my grandad used to phone our house every Christmas Eve and pretend to be Santa checking if me and my sister had been good that year. It used to absolutely blow my mind. 100% believed it was Santa on the phone. Was so overwhelmed I barely ever said a word.
Far be it from me to tell Bernie Taupin how to write lyrics, but I just don't see how he ever thought the number of syllables in "eat, drink and be merry" were going to fit into that line.
December 24, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Far be it from me to tell Bernie Taupin how to write lyrics, but I just don't see how he ever thought the number of syllables in "eat, drink and be merry" were going to fit into that line.
Reposted by Gary Panton
What a fantastic time we had on Monday, visiting @edinburghbookshop.bsky.social! 😃
The Edinburgh Bookshop have the most amazing selection in store - pop down over the festive period if you can! 📚
Ruth certainly enjoyed her visit - she made a new friend too! 💚
The Edinburgh Bookshop have the most amazing selection in store - pop down over the festive period if you can! 📚
Ruth certainly enjoyed her visit - she made a new friend too! 💚
December 24, 2025 at 10:09 AM
What a fantastic time we had on Monday, visiting @edinburghbookshop.bsky.social! 😃
The Edinburgh Bookshop have the most amazing selection in store - pop down over the festive period if you can! 📚
Ruth certainly enjoyed her visit - she made a new friend too! 💚
The Edinburgh Bookshop have the most amazing selection in store - pop down over the festive period if you can! 📚
Ruth certainly enjoyed her visit - she made a new friend too! 💚
Not that I'm bragging or anything but we're about to have hot chocolate with skooshy cream on top and watch Klaus.
December 24, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Not that I'm bragging or anything but we're about to have hot chocolate with skooshy cream on top and watch Klaus.
Reposted by Gary Panton
Christmas Ident Calendar Day 24. Wallace and Gromit crossed to BBC1 in 2008 for 'A Matter Of Loaf and Death' and were given the Christmas ident that year. It turned out to be the biggest programme of Christmas and the year with 16.15m!
December 24, 2025 at 8:18 AM
Christmas Ident Calendar Day 24. Wallace and Gromit crossed to BBC1 in 2008 for 'A Matter Of Loaf and Death' and were given the Christmas ident that year. It turned out to be the biggest programme of Christmas and the year with 16.15m!
Morning all! If any of you are in the Edinburgh area and in need of a last-minute gift for the young 'uns in your life, I highly recommend a trip to Toppings bookstore where they have two big stacks of newly SIGNED copies of my books. Run run run!
December 24, 2025 at 8:15 AM
Morning all! If any of you are in the Edinburgh area and in need of a last-minute gift for the young 'uns in your life, I highly recommend a trip to Toppings bookstore where they have two big stacks of newly SIGNED copies of my books. Run run run!
Reposted by Gary Panton
2025's final video is now available for all.
God Help Ye, Merry Gentlemen, it's Little and Large at Christmas.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gujz...
God Help Ye, Merry Gentlemen, it's Little and Large at Christmas.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gujz...
God Help Ye, Merry Gentlemen: Little and Large at Christmas
YouTube video by Stuart Millard
www.youtube.com
December 23, 2025 at 9:25 AM
2025's final video is now available for all.
God Help Ye, Merry Gentlemen, it's Little and Large at Christmas.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gujz...
God Help Ye, Merry Gentlemen, it's Little and Large at Christmas.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gujz...
For years I've been using a Jamie Oliver recipe to make a steak pie for my family on New Year's Day. Then one year it vanished from his website. What to do? So I searched for it, and there it was, still on his site but now re-named as "Gary Barlow's Steak & Stout Pie". BUT IT'S NOT BARLOW'S AT ALL.
December 23, 2025 at 7:33 PM
For years I've been using a Jamie Oliver recipe to make a steak pie for my family on New Year's Day. Then one year it vanished from his website. What to do? So I searched for it, and there it was, still on his site but now re-named as "Gary Barlow's Steak & Stout Pie". BUT IT'S NOT BARLOW'S AT ALL.
Reposted by Gary Panton
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
December 23, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
Reposted by Gary Panton
The mermaids are having a clear out
Mystery as hundreds of Victorian shoes wash up on Ogmore beach
Mystery as hundreds of Victorian shoes wash up on Ogmore beach
More than 400 leather hobnailed boots, thought to date back to the 19th Century, have been found.
www.bbc.com
December 23, 2025 at 5:30 PM
The mermaids are having a clear out
Other half is working today and I'm not, so I'm attempting to make these bad boys as a surprise for when she gets home. And yes that is my beautiful Santa slippers at the bottom of the shot thank you thank you. 😊🎅
December 23, 2025 at 11:38 AM
Other half is working today and I'm not, so I'm attempting to make these bad boys as a surprise for when she gets home. And yes that is my beautiful Santa slippers at the bottom of the shot thank you thank you. 😊🎅
Just popped in to Tesco.
December 23, 2025 at 10:38 AM
Just popped in to Tesco.
In the last 24 hours I've received two really lovely emails from schools I visited this year, and honestly that's just made me so happy. Feels weird now to think that when I first started doing author appearances at the beginning of this year I was absolutely terrified.
December 23, 2025 at 8:57 AM
In the last 24 hours I've received two really lovely emails from schools I visited this year, and honestly that's just made me so happy. Feels weird now to think that when I first started doing author appearances at the beginning of this year I was absolutely terrified.
Reposted by Gary Panton
Looking at old copies of The Stage and found this casting call for the following year's "Labyrinth". Whilst we know it now as a Jim Henson / Terry Jones / David Bowie's crotch family classic, it doesnt 'alf sound dodgy to modern eyes, doesnt it?
December 23, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Looking at old copies of The Stage and found this casting call for the following year's "Labyrinth". Whilst we know it now as a Jim Henson / Terry Jones / David Bowie's crotch family classic, it doesnt 'alf sound dodgy to modern eyes, doesnt it?
Reposted by Gary Panton
They should invent tiny speakers that can fit inside a person’s ear so that person can watch videos without other people having to hear everything.
December 22, 2025 at 9:34 PM
They should invent tiny speakers that can fit inside a person’s ear so that person can watch videos without other people having to hear everything.