Thumper Forge
@fivefoldlaw.bsky.social
Gardnerian Witch. Discordian Warlock.
Spicy Shopkeep. Notary Public. ThumperForge.com
Spicy Shopkeep. Notary Public. ThumperForge.com
Bent down to grab a bottle of water and about banged my head on this. I can only assume the Universe picked out a resolution on my behalf.
January 1, 2026 at 8:46 PM
Bent down to grab a bottle of water and about banged my head on this. I can only assume the Universe picked out a resolution on my behalf.
Y'all. I may have Discordianed a wee bit too close to the sun.
How To Succeed In Chaos Without Really Trying
Y'all, I may have Discordianed a wee bit too close to the sun.
www.patheos.com
January 1, 2026 at 3:51 PM
Y'all. I may have Discordianed a wee bit too close to the sun.
Me: [commuting home] "Why am I seeing tracers? Did I accidentally do LSD, or is everyone driving with their brights on?"
My glasses: [sitting at the spicy shop, wondering where the hell I am]
I really wish the universe had cursed me with astigmatism *or* ADHD. Having both feels like persecution.
My glasses: [sitting at the spicy shop, wondering where the hell I am]
I really wish the universe had cursed me with astigmatism *or* ADHD. Having both feels like persecution.
January 1, 2026 at 12:54 AM
Me: [commuting home] "Why am I seeing tracers? Did I accidentally do LSD, or is everyone driving with their brights on?"
My glasses: [sitting at the spicy shop, wondering where the hell I am]
I really wish the universe had cursed me with astigmatism *or* ADHD. Having both feels like persecution.
My glasses: [sitting at the spicy shop, wondering where the hell I am]
I really wish the universe had cursed me with astigmatism *or* ADHD. Having both feels like persecution.
Last-minute chaos excitement! You've got until midnight to vote for your favorite occult book published in 2025. (The Chaos Apple is the 53rd listing.)
Vote your favorite occult books of 2025 [promoted by Timeless Occult Literature] - Occult-Study
This poll has been done in order for you, the users, the readers, the public to vote on your favorite books of the year, instead of me picking up my favorites. These are all the books that have been p...
occult-study.com
December 31, 2025 at 8:16 PM
Last-minute chaos excitement! You've got until midnight to vote for your favorite occult book published in 2025. (The Chaos Apple is the 53rd listing.)
One of my employees went to the emergency room and told staff he was throwing up blood. Turns out, he legitimately had a stomach virus. But he also legitimately forgot about all the red jello shots he'd consumed before the bug kicked in. So that was fun for everyone involved.
December 29, 2025 at 3:58 PM
One of my employees went to the emergency room and told staff he was throwing up blood. Turns out, he legitimately had a stomach virus. But he also legitimately forgot about all the red jello shots he'd consumed before the bug kicked in. So that was fun for everyone involved.
My dad: "So it turns out your niece has some kind of joint disorder."
Me: "That makes sense, what with her dad being double-jointed and all."
My dad: "Wait, WHAT?!"
Anyway, that's how the rest of the family found out my brother can dislocate his shoulders on command.
Me: "That makes sense, what with her dad being double-jointed and all."
My dad: "Wait, WHAT?!"
Anyway, that's how the rest of the family found out my brother can dislocate his shoulders on command.
December 27, 2025 at 11:11 PM
My dad: "So it turns out your niece has some kind of joint disorder."
Me: "That makes sense, what with her dad being double-jointed and all."
My dad: "Wait, WHAT?!"
Anyway, that's how the rest of the family found out my brother can dislocate his shoulders on command.
Me: "That makes sense, what with her dad being double-jointed and all."
My dad: "Wait, WHAT?!"
Anyway, that's how the rest of the family found out my brother can dislocate his shoulders on command.
A group of drunk women just stumbled out of a gay bar down the street from the spicy shop, dressed as (in order of appearance) a sexy reindeer, a sexy Mrs. Claus, a sexy snowman, and a sexy gingerbread cookie.
Not a sexy manger among them.
The true meaning of Christmas really has been lost.
Not a sexy manger among them.
The true meaning of Christmas really has been lost.
December 24, 2025 at 9:45 PM
A group of drunk women just stumbled out of a gay bar down the street from the spicy shop, dressed as (in order of appearance) a sexy reindeer, a sexy Mrs. Claus, a sexy snowman, and a sexy gingerbread cookie.
Not a sexy manger among them.
The true meaning of Christmas really has been lost.
Not a sexy manger among them.
The true meaning of Christmas really has been lost.
A few days ago, my neighbor was walking up the stairs to her apartment, where her kid was standing on the balcony yelling, "MA'AM. I'M GOING TO NEED TO SEE SOME I.D., MA'AM."
Tonight, he was yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."
1/2
Tonight, he was yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."
1/2
December 23, 2025 at 12:37 AM
A few days ago, my neighbor was walking up the stairs to her apartment, where her kid was standing on the balcony yelling, "MA'AM. I'M GOING TO NEED TO SEE SOME I.D., MA'AM."
Tonight, he was yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."
1/2
Tonight, he was yelling, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."
1/2
Last night, I dreamt that it happened today.
Best sleep I've had in ages.
Best sleep I've had in ages.
December 20, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Last night, I dreamt that it happened today.
Best sleep I've had in ages.
Best sleep I've had in ages.
Reposted by Thumper Forge
New episode out today with returning guest Thumper Forge @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social to chat about the wild ride of Raymond Buckland’s fiction and Thumper’s excellent new book The Chaos Apple.
December 17, 2025 at 6:22 PM
New episode out today with returning guest Thumper Forge @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social to chat about the wild ride of Raymond Buckland’s fiction and Thumper’s excellent new book The Chaos Apple.
Reposted by Thumper Forge
Premiering now, in this episode of Exploration Arcanum I chat with @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social about Chaos Witchcraft, Discordianism, and Cultural Appropriation in the occult. #occultsky #witchsky youtu.be/FsYmgpHcGAk
Chaos Magic and Discordianism with Thumper Forge
YouTube video by Exploration Arcanum
youtu.be
December 16, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Premiering now, in this episode of Exploration Arcanum I chat with @fivefoldlaw.bsky.social about Chaos Witchcraft, Discordianism, and Cultural Appropriation in the occult. #occultsky #witchsky youtu.be/FsYmgpHcGAk
Overheard at the spicy shop:
"We used to be partners. I mean, not like sexual partners. Business partners. Well, sexual partners too."
"We used to be partners. I mean, not like sexual partners. Business partners. Well, sexual partners too."
December 19, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Overheard at the spicy shop:
"We used to be partners. I mean, not like sexual partners. Business partners. Well, sexual partners too."
"We used to be partners. I mean, not like sexual partners. Business partners. Well, sexual partners too."
Original art and anagram by @davezilla.bsky.social.
December 13, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Original art and anagram by @davezilla.bsky.social.
Customer: [pointing at two products] "What's the price difference between these?"
Me: "The one on the left is $30, and the one on the right is $40."
Customer: "So the one on the left is..."
Me:
Customer:
Me:
Customer: "... cheaper."
Me: "Yes."
But I can't judge. Math isn't my thing either.
Me: "The one on the left is $30, and the one on the right is $40."
Customer: "So the one on the left is..."
Me:
Customer:
Me:
Customer: "... cheaper."
Me: "Yes."
But I can't judge. Math isn't my thing either.
December 13, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Customer: [pointing at two products] "What's the price difference between these?"
Me: "The one on the left is $30, and the one on the right is $40."
Customer: "So the one on the left is..."
Me:
Customer:
Me:
Customer: "... cheaper."
Me: "Yes."
But I can't judge. Math isn't my thing either.
Me: "The one on the left is $30, and the one on the right is $40."
Customer: "So the one on the left is..."
Me:
Customer:
Me:
Customer: "... cheaper."
Me: "Yes."
But I can't judge. Math isn't my thing either.
Through a series of events involving the spicy shop and an ambitious but ill-conceived drag performance, "Golden" is now a holiday song. I don't make the rules.
December 12, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Through a series of events involving the spicy shop and an ambitious but ill-conceived drag performance, "Golden" is now a holiday song. I don't make the rules.
It is currently 9:50 a.m. We open at 10:00. Our hours of operation are posted next to the entrance in a big, bold font, and our neon open sign is turned off.
And yet, there is a customer on our porch, shoving the door and rattling the handle with all his might.
1/2
And yet, there is a customer on our porch, shoving the door and rattling the handle with all his might.
1/2
December 10, 2025 at 4:10 PM
It is currently 9:50 a.m. We open at 10:00. Our hours of operation are posted next to the entrance in a big, bold font, and our neon open sign is turned off.
And yet, there is a customer on our porch, shoving the door and rattling the handle with all his might.
1/2
And yet, there is a customer on our porch, shoving the door and rattling the handle with all his might.
1/2
My favorite part of the holiday season is when Pentatonix mansplains Jesus.
December 9, 2025 at 6:08 PM
My favorite part of the holiday season is when Pentatonix mansplains Jesus.
Another thing I appreciate about the UU church I joined: The congregation claps for the choir.
December 7, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Another thing I appreciate about the UU church I joined: The congregation claps for the choir.
Me: "Hello! What can I help you find today?"
Customer: [deadly serious, standing a little too close] "I need to get something notarized."
Me: "Great! Let me grab my stamp..."
Customer: "JUST KIDDING. HA HA!"
1/2
Customer: [deadly serious, standing a little too close] "I need to get something notarized."
Me: "Great! Let me grab my stamp..."
Customer: "JUST KIDDING. HA HA!"
1/2
December 6, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Me: "Hello! What can I help you find today?"
Customer: [deadly serious, standing a little too close] "I need to get something notarized."
Me: "Great! Let me grab my stamp..."
Customer: "JUST KIDDING. HA HA!"
1/2
Customer: [deadly serious, standing a little too close] "I need to get something notarized."
Me: "Great! Let me grab my stamp..."
Customer: "JUST KIDDING. HA HA!"
1/2
Everyone else: [excited about pumpkin spice]
Me, a gourmet, scream-singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in the middle of Walgreens:
Me, a gourmet, scream-singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in the middle of Walgreens:
December 6, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Everyone else: [excited about pumpkin spice]
Me, a gourmet, scream-singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in the middle of Walgreens:
Me, a gourmet, scream-singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in the middle of Walgreens:
Reposted by Thumper Forge
When Rutherfordton officials denied a permit for a small Pagan-led vigil, citing undocumented restrictions and a coercive “Christian parade” alternative, High Priestex Mortellus confronted a system that limits minority-faith expression in a traditional public forum…
wildhunt.org/2025/12/paga...
wildhunt.org/2025/12/paga...
Pagan Priestex Prepares for Arrest Rather Than Surrender First Amendment Rights - News, Paganism, Religion, The Wild Hunt, U.S., Witchcraft
Witchcraft & Pagan News - When Rutherfordton officials denied a permit for a small Pagan-led vigil, citing undocumented restrictions and a coercive “Christian parade” alternative, High Priestex Mortel...
wildhunt.org
December 2, 2025 at 10:36 PM
When Rutherfordton officials denied a permit for a small Pagan-led vigil, citing undocumented restrictions and a coercive “Christian parade” alternative, High Priestex Mortellus confronted a system that limits minority-faith expression in a traditional public forum…
wildhunt.org/2025/12/paga...
wildhunt.org/2025/12/paga...
The UU church I recently joined has this part of the service where children can come up and sit on the steps leading up to the altar, and the minister joins them and reads them a (thematically relevant) story.
1/3
1/3
November 30, 2025 at 5:37 PM
The UU church I recently joined has this part of the service where children can come up and sit on the steps leading up to the altar, and the minister joins them and reads them a (thematically relevant) story.
1/3
1/3
"I am a terror. I've been drinking in my trailer all morning."
Just another fun assertion to be filed under Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said on a Podcast.
Just another fun assertion to be filed under Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said on a Podcast.
November 30, 2025 at 5:08 PM
"I am a terror. I've been drinking in my trailer all morning."
Just another fun assertion to be filed under Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said on a Podcast.
Just another fun assertion to be filed under Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said on a Podcast.
The downside to joining a church (UU) with @sarahlcrowder.bsky.social is that she's in the choir, so I can't text her whenever something hilarious happens during the service.
November 23, 2025 at 11:25 PM
The downside to joining a church (UU) with @sarahlcrowder.bsky.social is that she's in the choir, so I can't text her whenever something hilarious happens during the service.
Customer: "May I use your restroom?"
Me: "Sure. It's right down that hallway."
Customer: "Oh, thank you! A client made me drink an entire bottle of plum wine."
And you know what? I do not get paid enough to judge or ask questions.
Me: "Sure. It's right down that hallway."
Customer: "Oh, thank you! A client made me drink an entire bottle of plum wine."
And you know what? I do not get paid enough to judge or ask questions.
November 22, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Customer: "May I use your restroom?"
Me: "Sure. It's right down that hallway."
Customer: "Oh, thank you! A client made me drink an entire bottle of plum wine."
And you know what? I do not get paid enough to judge or ask questions.
Me: "Sure. It's right down that hallway."
Customer: "Oh, thank you! A client made me drink an entire bottle of plum wine."
And you know what? I do not get paid enough to judge or ask questions.