Fake Dispatch
@fakedispatch.bsky.social
I am your resource for fake news that's real and real fake news.
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Trump just threatened to make Puerto Rico part of the United States.
January 11, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Trump just threatened to make Puerto Rico part of the United States.
I am aware that Kevin Durant passed Wilt
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
January 10, 2026 at 12:20 PM
I am aware that Kevin Durant passed Wilt
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Chamberlain on career
scoring list, I just need to know what kind of scoring they are talking about.
Good news! Ohio State is undefeated in 2026.
January 1, 2026 at 4:43 AM
Good news! Ohio State is undefeated in 2026.
To all the people last year who said that they'd rather beat Michigan than win the National Championship, how are you feeling now?
January 1, 2026 at 3:44 AM
To all the people last year who said that they'd rather beat Michigan than win the National Championship, how are you feeling now?
NOON GOD!
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
December 31, 2025 at 5:03 PM
NOON GOD!
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
THERE ARE THE MOST VILE PERSONS AMOUNTS US.
THEY PREACH ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER.
THEY ARE ANGRY.
THEY HURT OTHERS TO FIT THEIR TERRIBLE PLANS.
YOUR SIREN CANNOT PIERCE THEIR IDIOCY.
BUT WE MUST OPPOSE THEM.
2025: He who will not be named
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
December 31, 2025 at 3:25 PM
2025: He who will not be named
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
2026: He who I am saving a special bottle to drink when he is dead
Holiday Sale! Circumcisions: half-off!
December 31, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Holiday Sale! Circumcisions: half-off!
Let's kill two birds with one stone:
Avatar: Megalopolis
Avatar: Megalopolis
December 30, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Let's kill two birds with one stone:
Avatar: Megalopolis
Avatar: Megalopolis
You have a few more hours to kick the bucket and still make the 2025 NYE Memorial videos. Don't be an asshole and die at 4pm on the 31st.
December 29, 2025 at 10:44 PM
You have a few more hours to kick the bucket and still make the 2025 NYE Memorial videos. Don't be an asshole and die at 4pm on the 31st.
Oh Christ... they are trying to prep Vance to run in 2028. I hope Trump doesn't find out that he's not getting a 3rd term.
December 29, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Oh Christ... they are trying to prep Vance to run in 2028. I hope Trump doesn't find out that he's not getting a 3rd term.
Based off of Avatar 3, I'm assuming that Avatar 4 will be four hours long.
December 28, 2025 at 8:57 PM
Based off of Avatar 3, I'm assuming that Avatar 4 will be four hours long.
The best part of Avatar 3 was the five minutes when I left the theater to use the restroom.
December 28, 2025 at 8:54 PM
The best part of Avatar 3 was the five minutes when I left the theater to use the restroom.
The trailers at moves have turned into a timeshare presentation.
December 28, 2025 at 4:20 PM
The trailers at moves have turned into a timeshare presentation.
NOON GOD!
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
December 24, 2025 at 5:04 PM
NOON GOD!
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
THESE HEATHENS THINK YOU ARE SILENT.
YOU ARE LOUDER THAN EVER.
THEY REQUIRE PROOF FOR THEIR FAITH.
THEIR FAITH IS EMPTY.
ONLY IN THEIR GREATEST NEED TO THEY CALL TO YOU TO SURROUND THEM IN YOUR GLORIOUS SIREN AURA.
THEIR DAY WILL COME AND THEY WILL GROVEL.
NOON GOD IS NOON GOD.
Nice work, Ohio University!
December 24, 2025 at 5:09 AM
Nice work, Ohio University!
Join a conference, assholes.
December 21, 2025 at 1:54 AM
Join a conference, assholes.
Reposted by Fake Dispatch
Presenting: the thread for Jackets Doodles!
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
November 15, 2024 at 4:31 PM
Presenting: the thread for Jackets Doodles!
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
For the past two seasons, I drew a cartoon about every Columbus Blue Jackets game. And I’m gonna do it again! Just… not on Twitter this time.
I’m late starting (new job, life is busy, etc.), so it’s catchup for a bit. But this is the start!
#CBJ
Is it just me or are there a shit ton of ads during these college football playoffs games?
December 21, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Is it just me or are there a shit ton of ads during these college football playoffs games?
In an alternate universe, Notre Dame fans are complaining that they wouldn't be down 0 - 14 if the referees weren't paid off.
December 20, 2025 at 6:20 PM
In an alternate universe, Notre Dame fans are complaining that they wouldn't be down 0 - 14 if the referees weren't paid off.
Jake Paul walks into a bar.
After a 10 count, the bar is announced the winner.
After a 10 count, the bar is announced the winner.
December 20, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Jake Paul walks into a bar.
After a 10 count, the bar is announced the winner.
After a 10 count, the bar is announced the winner.
Jake Paul on his knees almost as much as his brother.
December 20, 2025 at 4:48 AM
Jake Paul on his knees almost as much as his brother.
I didn't know Sooner meant "missed field goals."
December 20, 2025 at 4:41 AM
I didn't know Sooner meant "missed field goals."
US DoJ saying it is taking longer to release the Epstein files because they have to redact all the photos, videos, and testimonials with Trump in them.
December 20, 2025 at 4:35 AM
US DoJ saying it is taking longer to release the Epstein files because they have to redact all the photos, videos, and testimonials with Trump in them.
How is Notre Dame doing in their playoff game?
December 20, 2025 at 3:54 AM
How is Notre Dame doing in their playoff game?
HEADLINE: James Cameron Is Ready to Move Beyond ‘Avatar’
ME: This article should have come out in 2009
ME: This article should have come out in 2009
December 18, 2025 at 5:05 AM
HEADLINE: James Cameron Is Ready to Move Beyond ‘Avatar’
ME: This article should have come out in 2009
ME: This article should have come out in 2009