Evan J’Daté Kessler
@evanjkessler.bsky.social
Here to make friends and find love and I'm all out of making friends. Comedian and host of "Won't You Be My Killer?" podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wont-you-be-my-killer/id1736422937
How’s my 2026 so far? I’m wearing a comfortable sweatshirt. Can’t beat that!
January 2, 2026 at 12:04 AM
How’s my 2026 so far? I’m wearing a comfortable sweatshirt. Can’t beat that!
Reposted by Evan J’Daté Kessler
It's so fucking refreshing, and so fucking cool, to see a politician that loves the city he lives in and represents. Cities are the Real America. Both in practice and in the ideal.
Mamdani: Where else can you hear the sound of the steel pan, savor the smell of sancocho, and pay $9 for coffee on the same block? Where else could a Muslim kid like me grow up eating bagels and lox every Sunday?
January 1, 2026 at 10:00 PM
It's so fucking refreshing, and so fucking cool, to see a politician that loves the city he lives in and represents. Cities are the Real America. Both in practice and in the ideal.
In 2026 podcasts should go back to being audio only, otherwise you have to call them “talk shows.”
January 1, 2026 at 10:14 PM
In 2026 podcasts should go back to being audio only, otherwise you have to call them “talk shows.”
Read a post where someone was speculating Vladimir Putin might be dead.
What happened? Did wrestling a white tiger or brown bear somehow go wrong?
What happened? Did wrestling a white tiger or brown bear somehow go wrong?
January 1, 2026 at 7:04 PM
Read a post where someone was speculating Vladimir Putin might be dead.
What happened? Did wrestling a white tiger or brown bear somehow go wrong?
What happened? Did wrestling a white tiger or brown bear somehow go wrong?
2025? Never heard of it.
January 1, 2026 at 8:26 AM
2025? Never heard of it.
2027 IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!!!
January 1, 2026 at 5:10 AM
2027 IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!!!
The CBS New Year's Eve countdown show is just a four-hour-long episode of CSI where they keep casually dropping hints about how close it is to midnight.
January 1, 2026 at 4:13 AM
The CBS New Year's Eve countdown show is just a four-hour-long episode of CSI where they keep casually dropping hints about how close it is to midnight.
If this eve’s a-rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!
January 1, 2026 at 3:51 AM
If this eve’s a-rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!
There's probably a guy named Clark who has a New Year's Eve tradition of saying "It's Clark's Dick Rockin' Eve" and then he takes his dick out and swings it from side to side.
January 1, 2026 at 3:16 AM
There's probably a guy named Clark who has a New Year's Eve tradition of saying "It's Clark's Dick Rockin' Eve" and then he takes his dick out and swings it from side to side.
I know what everyone’s thinking. 2026 is the 25th anniversary of “My Pet Goat” getting the weirdest PR bump in history for a children’s book.
January 1, 2026 at 1:55 AM
I know what everyone’s thinking. 2026 is the 25th anniversary of “My Pet Goat” getting the weirdest PR bump in history for a children’s book.
At midnight, Pacific time, I’m going to post, “2025? Never heard of it.”
January 1, 2026 at 12:52 AM
At midnight, Pacific time, I’m going to post, “2025? Never heard of it.”
I wish 2025 would end sooner. And 2026. And 2027. And most of 2028.
December 29, 2025 at 7:39 PM
I wish 2025 would end sooner. And 2026. And 2027. And most of 2028.
Dogsitting feels like microdosing someone else’s more successful, idyllic existence.
December 28, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Dogsitting feels like microdosing someone else’s more successful, idyllic existence.
How did I learn where babies come from? Easy, I cornered a stork on his delivery route and demanded he give me more information about his supplier.
December 28, 2025 at 7:51 AM
How did I learn where babies come from? Easy, I cornered a stork on his delivery route and demanded he give me more information about his supplier.
Crazy how you can look up and see the moon most nights, but you can’t just look up and see Seattle. One of those places is way closer.
December 28, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Crazy how you can look up and see the moon most nights, but you can’t just look up and see Seattle. One of those places is way closer.
Ah yes, the holiday tradition of going through the inbox of a barely used email address to see if there's anything interesting in there other than spam and political donation emails (more spam).
December 24, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Ah yes, the holiday tradition of going through the inbox of a barely used email address to see if there's anything interesting in there other than spam and political donation emails (more spam).
Not to brag, but I repurposed an instagram post I wrote about painting a dog for my substack that had been dormant several months. open.substack.com/pub/evanjkes...
This Dog Is A Miracle
Discovering My Own Hidden Artistic Ability
open.substack.com
December 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Not to brag, but I repurposed an instagram post I wrote about painting a dog for my substack that had been dormant several months. open.substack.com/pub/evanjkes...
Been trying to watch fewer Youtube videos of people opening baseball card packs.
December 23, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Been trying to watch fewer Youtube videos of people opening baseball card packs.
Reposted by Evan J’Daté Kessler
“Babies Are Freezing to Death in Gaza. Israeli Policy and the World’s Inaction Are to Blame”
Babies Are Freezing to Death in Gaza. Israeli Policy and the World’s Inaction Are to Blame
The world must stop treating the word “ceasefire” as a guarantee of safety when Gaza’s residents remain under fire, under siege, and under conditions that guarantee more suffering and heartbreak.
zeteo.com
December 23, 2025 at 8:41 PM
“Babies Are Freezing to Death in Gaza. Israeli Policy and the World’s Inaction Are to Blame”
Reposted by Evan J’Daté Kessler
The year is 202X.
Everyone knows the President is a pedophile but no one's doing anything abour it. Cabs have been replaced by driverless cars that have an empty little seat up front. And the economy is propped up by a computer that can give you a picture of Donald Duck doing 9/11.
Everyone knows the President is a pedophile but no one's doing anything abour it. Cabs have been replaced by driverless cars that have an empty little seat up front. And the economy is propped up by a computer that can give you a picture of Donald Duck doing 9/11.
December 23, 2025 at 8:16 PM
The year is 202X.
Everyone knows the President is a pedophile but no one's doing anything abour it. Cabs have been replaced by driverless cars that have an empty little seat up front. And the economy is propped up by a computer that can give you a picture of Donald Duck doing 9/11.
Everyone knows the President is a pedophile but no one's doing anything abour it. Cabs have been replaced by driverless cars that have an empty little seat up front. And the economy is propped up by a computer that can give you a picture of Donald Duck doing 9/11.
Look at this little dog I added to my painting tonight! I AM THE GREATEST ARTIST OF ALL TIME!!!
December 23, 2025 at 6:36 AM
Look at this little dog I added to my painting tonight! I AM THE GREATEST ARTIST OF ALL TIME!!!
Whenever I die, I hope I have the wherewithal to make sure my final words are "keep fucking that chicken."
December 23, 2025 at 5:09 AM
Whenever I die, I hope I have the wherewithal to make sure my final words are "keep fucking that chicken."
Every time I hear the name Bari Weiss I think, “did we go to summer camp together?”
December 23, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Every time I hear the name Bari Weiss I think, “did we go to summer camp together?”
I like that Jake Paul talked about his faith in Jesus in the lead up to the Anthony Joshua fight and then proceeded to get his jaw broken. That’s like Jesus saying, “keep my name out of your mouth!”
December 22, 2025 at 12:17 AM
I like that Jake Paul talked about his faith in Jesus in the lead up to the Anthony Joshua fight and then proceeded to get his jaw broken. That’s like Jesus saying, “keep my name out of your mouth!”
Was wondering why spices at the grocery store are so expensive and then I remembered they played a huge role in shaping civilization.
December 21, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Was wondering why spices at the grocery store are so expensive and then I remembered they played a huge role in shaping civilization.