Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
@cointelprostate.bsky.social
Local cryptid
Saying “type of shit I’ve been on lately” to some shit I have most definitely not been on lately
November 10, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Saying “type of shit I’ve been on lately” to some shit I have most definitely not been on lately
Staying on the bus until I’m the last passenger so I can ask the driver to let me sit on on his lap
November 10, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Staying on the bus until I’m the last passenger so I can ask the driver to let me sit on on his lap
(Buying toilet paper but I’m trying to flirt with the cashier) oh it’s not for me haha
November 8, 2025 at 11:23 PM
(Buying toilet paper but I’m trying to flirt with the cashier) oh it’s not for me haha
Siri how to indicate to my sleep paralysis demon that I’m open to things getting sexual between us
November 7, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Siri how to indicate to my sleep paralysis demon that I’m open to things getting sexual between us
Most people agree that shrimp will rule the world in the distant future, but very few agree on how to feel about that
November 6, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Most people agree that shrimp will rule the world in the distant future, but very few agree on how to feel about that
My nips are rock hard for an amazing reason
November 5, 2025 at 3:58 AM
My nips are rock hard for an amazing reason
Is there a Balls Cheney?
November 4, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Is there a Balls Cheney?
(Spinning my balls around as far as possible and then letting them go and watching them unwind at an incredible speed) can anyone explain this?
November 4, 2025 at 1:13 AM
(Spinning my balls around as far as possible and then letting them go and watching them unwind at an incredible speed) can anyone explain this?
The Wet Homie’s attention has been drawn to your poorly-guarded supply of fluids
November 3, 2025 at 8:27 PM
The Wet Homie’s attention has been drawn to your poorly-guarded supply of fluids
You wouldn’t know my wives they prep at another compound
November 3, 2025 at 2:06 AM
You wouldn’t know my wives they prep at another compound
Thank you for your inquiries, however I will not be sharing my recipe for The Gentleman’s Stew at this time
November 2, 2025 at 4:29 AM
Thank you for your inquiries, however I will not be sharing my recipe for The Gentleman’s Stew at this time
The secret to my success? Simply walking in a straight line until someone tells me I “can’t be here”
November 1, 2025 at 12:03 AM
The secret to my success? Simply walking in a straight line until someone tells me I “can’t be here”
I don’t buy hamburger helper. I buy hamburger hindrance. I think dinner should be more difficult
October 31, 2025 at 1:43 AM
I don’t buy hamburger helper. I buy hamburger hindrance. I think dinner should be more difficult
Might be having a Mandela effect moment but was there an episode of Dora the Explorer where she smoked a bunch of cigarettes?
October 29, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Might be having a Mandela effect moment but was there an episode of Dora the Explorer where she smoked a bunch of cigarettes?
When people hear you’re into cock torture they just assume you’re also into ball torture. Those are 2 very different things my friend
October 29, 2025 at 9:37 PM
When people hear you’re into cock torture they just assume you’re also into ball torture. Those are 2 very different things my friend
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
before Deuce Bigalow no one had ever conceived of a male gigolo
November 11, 2024 at 2:06 AM
before Deuce Bigalow no one had ever conceived of a male gigolo
(Smiling, pointing to the screen and mouthing to my lawyer as the jury watches security camera footage of me committing the crime) that’s me
October 29, 2025 at 1:59 AM
(Smiling, pointing to the screen and mouthing to my lawyer as the jury watches security camera footage of me committing the crime) that’s me
(Horny Shakespeare) Shall I compare thee to a cummer’s day?
October 28, 2025 at 2:54 AM
(Horny Shakespeare) Shall I compare thee to a cummer’s day?
Porn is so cool I wish sex was real
October 27, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Porn is so cool I wish sex was real
(Propositioning a guy for sex) one two three four I declare a penis war
October 26, 2025 at 4:02 AM
(Propositioning a guy for sex) one two three four I declare a penis war
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
Hey babe can you stop by Trader Joe’s on your way home and pick up thug sauce
October 24, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Hey babe can you stop by Trader Joe’s on your way home and pick up thug sauce
Nutting on his back in the shape of the cool S
October 24, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Nutting on his back in the shape of the cool S
(RSVPing to the orgy) is the dress code penis-formal or penis-business casual?
October 22, 2025 at 11:43 PM
(RSVPing to the orgy) is the dress code penis-formal or penis-business casual?
The Moist Tickler has sent you a friend request
October 21, 2025 at 2:06 AM
The Moist Tickler has sent you a friend request
Shit that makes you go “damn” can, oftentimes, also make you go “fuck”
October 20, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Shit that makes you go “damn” can, oftentimes, also make you go “fuck”