Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
@cointelprostate.bsky.social
Local cryptid
I wrote down on a job application that I’m gay and now they want me to “prove it”??
January 1, 2026 at 1:35 AM
I wrote down on a job application that I’m gay and now they want me to “prove it”??
Let’s get you milked, homie!
December 30, 2025 at 4:08 AM
Let’s get you milked, homie!
Pregaming at the bar before I go home to drink all the beer there
December 29, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Pregaming at the bar before I go home to drink all the beer there
Yea I’m asexual. A Sexual Guy! 😂 anyway thanks for letting me me stay in your basement the divorce is NOT going well
December 27, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Yea I’m asexual. A Sexual Guy! 😂 anyway thanks for letting me me stay in your basement the divorce is NOT going well
Hey my buddy The Sexual Acquaintance thinks you’re cute and wants to know your full address is that ok
December 25, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Hey my buddy The Sexual Acquaintance thinks you’re cute and wants to know your full address is that ok
Waiting on the grinch to try some shit
December 25, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Waiting on the grinch to try some shit
I don’t need a therapist, I have my mold spores
December 23, 2025 at 3:25 AM
I don’t need a therapist, I have my mold spores
Sorry I can’t hang out tonight I have to stay home and give names to all the floaters in my eyes
December 21, 2025 at 5:16 AM
Sorry I can’t hang out tonight I have to stay home and give names to all the floaters in my eyes
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
standing up in front of the american flag to read a list of penis facts i found online
December 19, 2025 at 1:20 AM
standing up in front of the american flag to read a list of penis facts i found online
I was just killed over a period of several years
December 19, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I was just killed over a period of several years
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
Many people’s main concern is whether or not they have heard a peep
December 18, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Many people’s main concern is whether or not they have heard a peep
Sorry, my balance is a little off from the surgery I just had to install this large dorsal fin
December 18, 2025 at 2:43 AM
Sorry, my balance is a little off from the surgery I just had to install this large dorsal fin
(My urologist sealing a ruler inside a plastic tube) we’ll send this off to the lab and your results will be back in a few days
December 17, 2025 at 1:56 AM
(My urologist sealing a ruler inside a plastic tube) we’ll send this off to the lab and your results will be back in a few days
Opening a strip club that only plays Grouper
December 15, 2025 at 10:53 PM
Opening a strip club that only plays Grouper
Are you seriously going to to talk to me like that when I’m clearly mommy’s special boy?
December 15, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Are you seriously going to to talk to me like that when I’m clearly mommy’s special boy?
Hey man just so you know when we shook hands earlier I could tell from your grip that your pineal gland is completely fucked
December 14, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Hey man just so you know when we shook hands earlier I could tell from your grip that your pineal gland is completely fucked
The average person swallows 8 spiders per year in their sleep but I just got the rest of my life’s worth out of the way at once so I should be good
December 12, 2025 at 11:53 PM
The average person swallows 8 spiders per year in their sleep but I just got the rest of my life’s worth out of the way at once so I should be good
Job interview tip: don’t move in for the kiss too early or your potential employer might think you’re only after one thing
December 11, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Job interview tip: don’t move in for the kiss too early or your potential employer might think you’re only after one thing
(Trying to intimidate a guy at the bar) what’s up Mr pretty mouth. Where’d you get those lips, the good kisser store?
December 10, 2025 at 1:09 AM
(Trying to intimidate a guy at the bar) what’s up Mr pretty mouth. Where’d you get those lips, the good kisser store?
(Gently tapping your balls) nice. What’s the torque on these bad boys?
December 8, 2025 at 2:32 AM
(Gently tapping your balls) nice. What’s the torque on these bad boys?
(Extremely dry man) your drinks, soups, and broths are safe with me
December 5, 2025 at 9:32 PM
(Extremely dry man) your drinks, soups, and broths are safe with me
The Man Who Felt Unusual
December 5, 2025 at 4:13 AM
The Man Who Felt Unusual
My baby teeth fell out and revealed a set of even babier teeth
December 4, 2025 at 1:44 AM
My baby teeth fell out and revealed a set of even babier teeth
Smoking a cigarette sideways like a flute
December 1, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Smoking a cigarette sideways like a flute
He let me hit it because of my nuanced and heterodox views on a wide variety of subjects
November 30, 2025 at 3:13 AM
He let me hit it because of my nuanced and heterodox views on a wide variety of subjects