Cally Beaton
@callybeaton.bsky.social
⭐️ 2025/26 TOUR ⭐️ + BESTSELLING BOOK ‘Namaste Motherf*ckers’ OUT NOW! 🙏🏻 At 45, Joan Rivers told me to get into stand-up. So I did. She was 81 • Live at the Apollo • QI •
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Cally Beaton
@callybeaton.bsky.social
· Jul 25
I’m getting so many lovely messages from fellow midlife women saying they forgot they’d pre-ordered it and have bought it again; some more than once. Wondering if anyone’s ever made it onto bestseller list on back of menopause/brain fog before? Happy to be the first:
callybeaton.com/shop/
callybeaton.com/shop/
In a world that is a bit (lot) tits up, great comfort is offered by coffee in my favourite mug and my dog.
January 8, 2026 at 1:44 PM
In a world that is a bit (lot) tits up, great comfort is offered by coffee in my favourite mug and my dog.
After catching me eating one of these, Jeff’s giving me the withering look of someone asking: ‘how would you like to come into the kitchen and find me eating a chocolate replica of a menopausal woman with a ginger bob?’
January 7, 2026 at 12:12 PM
After catching me eating one of these, Jeff’s giving me the withering look of someone asking: ‘how would you like to come into the kitchen and find me eating a chocolate replica of a menopausal woman with a ginger bob?’
Never mind all that stuff about new year/new you, or worrying about bad weather and a world war. What we really need is something to look forward to and a laugh! Book signing/meet ‘n greet at all shows. So I’ll see you on the road.
2026 TOUR DATES:
callybeaton.com/live/
💚🩷🙏🏻
2026 TOUR DATES:
callybeaton.com/live/
💚🩷🙏🏻
Live | Cally Beaton - Stand Up Comedian
callybeaton.com
January 6, 2026 at 7:24 PM
Never mind all that stuff about new year/new you, or worrying about bad weather and a world war. What we really need is something to look forward to and a laugh! Book signing/meet ‘n greet at all shows. So I’ll see you on the road.
2026 TOUR DATES:
callybeaton.com/live/
💚🩷🙏🏻
2026 TOUR DATES:
callybeaton.com/live/
💚🩷🙏🏻
Last Christmas jumper day of the season and it’s nice of the weather to play ball.
January 5, 2026 at 5:30 PM
Last Christmas jumper day of the season and it’s nice of the weather to play ball.
Give me your best (worst) mansplains?
January 4, 2026 at 5:23 PM
Give me your best (worst) mansplains?
Online groceries on their way. Intriguing…
January 4, 2026 at 8:54 AM
Online groceries on their way. Intriguing…
Somebody just told me that some people put their Christmas tree lights on starting at the bottom and it has blown my mind.
January 3, 2026 at 8:17 PM
Somebody just told me that some people put their Christmas tree lights on starting at the bottom and it has blown my mind.
Last day of a few blissful weeks of having one or both offspring in close orbit. Don’t go. 😢 (Do go - I’m dead proud of you, each living your own brilliant lives on your own brilliant terms.)
January 3, 2026 at 12:52 PM
Last day of a few blissful weeks of having one or both offspring in close orbit. Don’t go. 😢 (Do go - I’m dead proud of you, each living your own brilliant lives on your own brilliant terms.)
If I say it out loud, I might actually get on with it…
January 2, 2026 at 3:02 PM
If I say it out loud, I might actually get on with it…
Little squeaking noises while he sleeps. Told you he’s the easiest and sweetest fella I’ve ever lived with.
January 1, 2026 at 10:04 PM
Little squeaking noises while he sleeps. Told you he’s the easiest and sweetest fella I’ve ever lived with.
Since spending so much time in the orbit of bowel cancer over the past couple of years, autocorrect is reluctant to allow me ‘bowl’. I just sent a v odd message to the cat sitter…
January 1, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Since spending so much time in the orbit of bowel cancer over the past couple of years, autocorrect is reluctant to allow me ‘bowl’. I just sent a v odd message to the cat sitter…
HNY, from me and best new year’s date in the world.
January 1, 2026 at 8:15 AM
HNY, from me and best new year’s date in the world.
When you have a houseful over Christmas and never get to use the bathroom.
December 31, 2025 at 9:59 AM
When you have a houseful over Christmas and never get to use the bathroom.
Festive bag theft survival guide…
December 30, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Festive bag theft survival guide…
Please watch & share this footage of 2 lovely guys (faces clearly captured on CCTV) who just stole my bag from under my chair, bending it like Beckham in what is evidently their signature robbing move. Maybe it will be shared widely enough they don’t get to do it to anyone else. Stay safe out there.
December 29, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Please watch & share this footage of 2 lovely guys (faces clearly captured on CCTV) who just stole my bag from under my chair, bending it like Beckham in what is evidently their signature robbing move. Maybe it will be shared widely enough they don’t get to do it to anyone else. Stay safe out there.
How I get woken up every morning; at whatever hour she’s bored.
December 29, 2025 at 8:18 AM
How I get woken up every morning; at whatever hour she’s bored.
B minor scale is an arse; arpeggio a double arse.
December 28, 2025 at 10:16 PM
B minor scale is an arse; arpeggio a double arse.
He was a skater boy.
December 28, 2025 at 2:04 PM
He was a skater boy.
No, YOU were rolling on your back with baby Yoda ears.
December 27, 2025 at 12:02 PM
No, YOU were rolling on your back with baby Yoda ears.
The thing about being a single gal about town is that no one ever takes a pic of you with your know-he’s-not-a-baby-but-he-is-really. But today someone did! Thank you, BH.
December 26, 2025 at 9:51 PM
The thing about being a single gal about town is that no one ever takes a pic of you with your know-he’s-not-a-baby-but-he-is-really. But today someone did! Thank you, BH.
82-year-old Dad on ice.
December 26, 2025 at 1:30 PM
82-year-old Dad on ice.
First time in 28 years I’ve gone to bed on Christmas Eve without my boy under the same roof as he’s drawn the festive zoo shift straw. Don’t like it one bit, but my loss is the animals’ gain. Love you, my prodigal son.
December 24, 2025 at 11:26 PM
First time in 28 years I’ve gone to bed on Christmas Eve without my boy under the same roof as he’s drawn the festive zoo shift straw. Don’t like it one bit, but my loss is the animals’ gain. Love you, my prodigal son.
All I want for Christmas... How about you?
December 24, 2025 at 11:27 AM
All I want for Christmas... How about you?