Cally Beaton
@callybeaton.bsky.social
⭐️ 2025/26 TOUR ⭐️ + BESTSELLING BOOK ‘Namaste Motherf*ckers’ OUT NOW! 🙏🏻 At 45, Joan Rivers told me to get into stand-up. So I did. She was 81 • Live at the Apollo • QI •
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Cally Beaton
@callybeaton.bsky.social
· Jul 25
I’m getting so many lovely messages from fellow midlife women saying they forgot they’d pre-ordered it and have bought it again; some more than once. Wondering if anyone’s ever made it onto bestseller list on back of menopause/brain fog before? Happy to be the first:
callybeaton.com/shop/
callybeaton.com/shop/
Somebody just told me that some people put their Christmas tree lights on starting at the bottom and it has blown my mind.
January 3, 2026 at 8:17 PM
Somebody just told me that some people put their Christmas tree lights on starting at the bottom and it has blown my mind.
Last day of a few blissful weeks of having one or both offspring in close orbit. Don’t go. 😢 (Do go - I’m dead proud of you, each living your own brilliant lives on your own brilliant terms.)
January 3, 2026 at 12:52 PM
Last day of a few blissful weeks of having one or both offspring in close orbit. Don’t go. 😢 (Do go - I’m dead proud of you, each living your own brilliant lives on your own brilliant terms.)
If I say it out loud, I might actually get on with it…
January 2, 2026 at 3:02 PM
If I say it out loud, I might actually get on with it…
Little squeaking noises while he sleeps. Told you he’s the easiest and sweetest fella I’ve ever lived with.
January 1, 2026 at 10:04 PM
Little squeaking noises while he sleeps. Told you he’s the easiest and sweetest fella I’ve ever lived with.
Since spending so much time in the orbit of bowel cancer over the past couple of years, autocorrect is reluctant to allow me ‘bowl’. I just sent a v odd message to the cat sitter…
January 1, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Since spending so much time in the orbit of bowel cancer over the past couple of years, autocorrect is reluctant to allow me ‘bowl’. I just sent a v odd message to the cat sitter…
HNY, from me and best new year’s date in the world.
January 1, 2026 at 8:15 AM
HNY, from me and best new year’s date in the world.
When you have a houseful over Christmas and never get to use the bathroom.
December 31, 2025 at 9:59 AM
When you have a houseful over Christmas and never get to use the bathroom.
Festive bag theft survival guide…
December 30, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Festive bag theft survival guide…
Please watch & share this footage of 2 lovely guys (faces clearly captured on CCTV) who just stole my bag from under my chair, bending it like Beckham in what is evidently their signature robbing move. Maybe it will be shared widely enough they don’t get to do it to anyone else. Stay safe out there.
December 29, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Please watch & share this footage of 2 lovely guys (faces clearly captured on CCTV) who just stole my bag from under my chair, bending it like Beckham in what is evidently their signature robbing move. Maybe it will be shared widely enough they don’t get to do it to anyone else. Stay safe out there.
How I get woken up every morning; at whatever hour she’s bored.
December 29, 2025 at 8:18 AM
How I get woken up every morning; at whatever hour she’s bored.
B minor scale is an arse; arpeggio a double arse.
December 28, 2025 at 10:16 PM
B minor scale is an arse; arpeggio a double arse.
He was a skater boy.
December 28, 2025 at 2:04 PM
He was a skater boy.
No, YOU were rolling on your back with baby Yoda ears.
December 27, 2025 at 12:02 PM
No, YOU were rolling on your back with baby Yoda ears.
The thing about being a single gal about town is that no one ever takes a pic of you with your know-he’s-not-a-baby-but-he-is-really. But today someone did! Thank you, BH.
December 26, 2025 at 9:51 PM
The thing about being a single gal about town is that no one ever takes a pic of you with your know-he’s-not-a-baby-but-he-is-really. But today someone did! Thank you, BH.
82-year-old Dad on ice.
December 26, 2025 at 1:30 PM
82-year-old Dad on ice.
First time in 28 years I’ve gone to bed on Christmas Eve without my boy under the same roof as he’s drawn the festive zoo shift straw. Don’t like it one bit, but my loss is the animals’ gain. Love you, my prodigal son.
December 24, 2025 at 11:26 PM
First time in 28 years I’ve gone to bed on Christmas Eve without my boy under the same roof as he’s drawn the festive zoo shift straw. Don’t like it one bit, but my loss is the animals’ gain. Love you, my prodigal son.
All I want for Christmas... How about you?
December 24, 2025 at 11:27 AM
All I want for Christmas... How about you?
After an unlucky health year for Dad we got news that zookeeper offspring would have to work down in Devon this Christmas. So we threw an early Christmas and the boy’s favourite gift was… the surprise appearance of his Grandad. Tears were shed, hugs had, Beatons reunited.
December 23, 2025 at 7:54 PM
After an unlucky health year for Dad we got news that zookeeper offspring would have to work down in Devon this Christmas. So we threw an early Christmas and the boy’s favourite gift was… the surprise appearance of his Grandad. Tears were shed, hugs had, Beatons reunited.
Two more sleeps to Christmas & some excellent last minute gift ideas for you. Not Jeff dressed as a reindeer, sorry, but BOOK and tour TICKETS. (+ merch but that won’t make it in time for Christmas - bah humbug.)
All available here! Ho ho ho🎄
callybeaton.com/shop/
(Tour tickets on ‘LIVE’ tab)
All available here! Ho ho ho🎄
callybeaton.com/shop/
(Tour tickets on ‘LIVE’ tab)
December 23, 2025 at 10:49 AM
Two more sleeps to Christmas & some excellent last minute gift ideas for you. Not Jeff dressed as a reindeer, sorry, but BOOK and tour TICKETS. (+ merch but that won’t make it in time for Christmas - bah humbug.)
All available here! Ho ho ho🎄
callybeaton.com/shop/
(Tour tickets on ‘LIVE’ tab)
All available here! Ho ho ho🎄
callybeaton.com/shop/
(Tour tickets on ‘LIVE’ tab)
The week I’ve been so looking forward to - with a house full with everyone I love and gifts and time to breathe, and I’ve already cried for no reason; and all reasons. Twice.
December 22, 2025 at 2:29 PM
The week I’ve been so looking forward to - with a house full with everyone I love and gifts and time to breathe, and I’ve already cried for no reason; and all reasons. Twice.
I love living in London, but this is hard to leave.
December 21, 2025 at 10:10 AM
I love living in London, but this is hard to leave.
Don’t mean to brag twice in one week, but I just won big* at village pub bingo.
(*Box of Celebrations.)
(*Box of Celebrations.)
December 20, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Don’t mean to brag twice in one week, but I just won big* at village pub bingo.
(*Box of Celebrations.)
(*Box of Celebrations.)