𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧
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bretbatson.bsky.social
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧
@bretbatson.bsky.social
19K followers 4.2K following 7K posts
My week beats your year.
𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘺-𝘈𝘵-𝘏𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘥
𝙷𝚎/𝙷𝚒𝚖 𝚌𝚒𝚜/𝚑𝚎𝚝𝒮𝓌𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒾ℯ
Posts Replies Media Videos
bretbatson.bsky.social
🇵🇷 #BadBunny 🇵🇷
Republicans Have Moved Into a New, Even Dumber Phase of Bad Bunny Outrage
Right-wing lawmakers have now called for multiple investigations into Bad Bunny's Super Bowl performance, calling the halftime show "pure smut."
www.rollingstone.com
February 12, 2026 at 6:00 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
#GoodLuckHaveFunDon’tDie
SEE IT EARLY ON 2/10 ‘Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die’ Early Access AMC Feb 10, 2026 | 7:00pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson This movie will FUCK YOU UP!
February 11, 2026 at 4:15 AM
bretbatson.bsky.social
My draft button works perfectly.
#DraftQueen
Marilyn Monroe “holding it down” above a subway grate in ‘The Seven Year Itch’ (1955).
Alt: Marilyn Monroe famously “holding it down” above a subway grate in ‘The Seven Year Itch’ (1955).
media.tenor.com
February 10, 2026 at 2:10 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
#SuperBowlLX #Halftime
Dickhead yells “Like nobody speaks fuckin' Spanish in America, bro. And ya know what? His name's not really even Bad Bunny." into young lady’s ear.
February 9, 2026 at 12:25 AM
bretbatson.bsky.social
𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁-𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝘀
#CharliXCX #TheMoment #WutheringHeights
The Moment AMC Feb 6, 2026 | 7:15pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson Wuthering Heights AMC Feb 13, 2026 | 7:00pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson
February 6, 2026 at 8:30 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
The music video for “Opalite” drops on Friday. #TaylorSwift
The 45 of “Opalite” by Taylor Swift.
February 5, 2026 at 2:00 AM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Are you boycotting the Melania doc? #MeToo
Jordan Klepper Went to the “Melania” Movie So You Don’t Have To | The Daily Show
YouTube video by The Daily Show
www.youtube.com
February 4, 2026 at 4:12 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
#GroundhogDay #TheHoliestOfDays
An image of the blessed groundhog, overlaid with the quote: “Behold, the Lion of Judah! The Messiah, who came first as a child, but returns not as a child, but now as King of Kings, to rule in power and glory forever!”
February 2, 2026 at 3:00 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Chris Hansen invites a stunned Gumby to “Just take a seat… right over there.”
January 30, 2026 at 2:07 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Pro Tip: Avoid the Rose Suchak Ladder Company. Oh, they'll deliver it on time, but just leave it leaning against your home.
January 29, 2026 at 12:30 AM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Kanye West used 754 words to essentially write "I miss my old income, so... sorry... I guess, but it ain't my fault."
Kanye West Takes Out Full-Page WSJ Ad To Apologize For His “Manic” Antisemitic Outbursts: “I Am Not A Nazi”
Kanye West, now known as Ye, has taken out an ad in The Wall Street Journal to plead for forgiveness after his antisemitic outbursts in 2025.
deadline.com
January 26, 2026 at 4:45 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Miss Taylor Swift indulges in some wedding cake and gets frosting all over the area of her mouth. 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿 “𝗜 𝗕𝗲𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗠𝗲” 𝗯𝘆 𝗧𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗼𝗿 𝗦𝘄𝗶𝗳𝘁 (𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭).
January 25, 2026 at 5:50 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
ICE Agents Detained Me for Eight Hours for Legally Observing Them. I Saw Exactly What They’re Up To.
We didn’t understand why we were being taken in—until we did.
slate.com
January 23, 2026 at 4:35 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
I don’t normally kick and tell, but some folks have NO damn sense of humor. I got BLOCKED for responding to this with “What’s FB?” and then “What’s Facebook?” when it was clarified.
Can you believe that shit? 🫢
Jessica @catfinated.bsky.social “When people post a FB link/video, do y'all know you don't have to tell us that you no longer use FB, you can just scroll. I know it's very hard to not make it be known that you are better than someone else, because you don't use FB.” 9:47 AM • Jan 22, 2026 © Everybody can reply
January 22, 2026 at 3:20 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐛𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞.

#WhenItHappens 🤔
January 21, 2026 at 11:20 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
It’s akin to calling in your own bomb threat.
ericdirnbach.bsky.social Eric Dirnbach @ericdirnbach.bsky.social · 24d
Make Heaven Crowded is an insane title.
Make Heaven Crowded Tour 2026, featuring Erika Kirk.
January 20, 2026 at 3:43 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
I was already feeling hella old while playing this 40 year old PC game, so I 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 didn’t need 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀.
[Antiquated computer graphics depict a moonlit graveyard.] Command: READ GRAVE It says ‘Here Lies BRET’… and it has today’s date.
January 19, 2026 at 6:08 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
I experienced ‘𝟐𝟖 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞’ last night and will be seeing it again tomorrow.
Yes, it’s 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 good.
#28YearsLaterTheBoneTemple
#28YearsLater #TheBoneTemple
TICKETS: 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple Jan 18, 2026 | 4:45pm A-List Entourage Order - Bret Batson PAST EVENTS: 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple Jan 16, 2026 | 6:45pm A-List Entourage Order - Bret Batson
January 17, 2026 at 4:20 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
“I just really need to focus on my art right now, mom.”
A young goth kid outside a vape shop.
January 15, 2026 at 2:10 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
I you decided to listen to ‘Thriller’ today, it would be like listening to music from 1938 when ‘Thriller’ was a new album.

How old are we feeling?
The cover of Michael Jackson’s iconic ‘Thriller’ album.
January 13, 2026 at 2:05 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
HRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
January 13, 2026 at 12:18 AM
bretbatson.bsky.social
🎶 I’m rollin’ in dough
My buns are glazed
The oven’s so hot
I gotta wear shades 🎶
January 12, 2026 at 11:05 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
I did it! I watched every single video on YouTube and THIS is the worst one. Watch it at your own peril… if you dare. 😳
Rap Wars - Barry Sobel + Warren Thomas - MC Hammer Producer
YouTube video by Barry Sobel Official
youtu.be
January 11, 2026 at 7:45 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
No offense, and I can’t stress this enough, no offense WHATSOEVER to Alexander Skarsgård or Cardi B, but I can NOT believe that Lorne Michaels and the team at ‘Saturday Night Live’ are treating the 1,000th(!) episode like it’s just any other episode. What are they thinking?
#SaturdayNightLive #SNL
JAN 17 JAN 24 JAN 31 FINN WOLFHARD TEYANA TAYLOR ALEXANDER SKARSGÅRD A$AP ROCKY GEESE CARDI B
January 7, 2026 at 10:30 PM
bretbatson.bsky.social
Not a day goes by in which Prickle doesn’t contemplate his own extinction.
January 7, 2026 at 2:13 PM