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apothecarius.bsky.social
@apothecarius.bsky.social
Young Professional, Old Poster. 26.

On the website formerly known as twitter @BearlyExistent
It’s really cool that the only function of chatting in this website remains ‘hitting up girls’
November 17, 2024 at 9:15 PM
No, I DON’T want to verify my email will you please leave me alone
November 17, 2024 at 9:14 PM
The moment they finally figure out Groupchats on this app the first thing I’m doing is making college football chat 2 on here
October 31, 2024 at 3:42 AM
Fink Bartondale
September 26, 2024 at 5:29 PM
Oh, so we have time to design a new logo but not enough time to make groupchats a thing?
December 31, 2023 at 9:38 PM
December 14, 2023 at 8:30 PM
everyone knows that one guy who collects doohickeys
November 14, 2023 at 4:44 PM
Sliding into her DMs accompanied by 3 stooges sound effects
October 15, 2023 at 4:17 PM
my body dysmorphia makes me believe I look like this
October 15, 2023 at 12:16 AM
My shirt saying “I am buying this ANFO for legitimate reasons” is raising a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
September 9, 2023 at 3:02 AM
Obnoxious rich kid: “Do you know who my dad is?”

Autistic Wikipedia person: “Yes he was a prominent player in the Savings & Loan Crisis”
September 8, 2023 at 10:38 PM
The most fucked up thing about this guy is that he’s statistically most likely to be from Cincinnati, Ohio
September 7, 2023 at 11:12 AM
Date needed for Jimmy Buffett’s funeral: must look good in Hawaiian shirt
September 6, 2023 at 8:24 PM
Going to Burning Man, not knowing I’m signing up for a Faulkner-esque travail in order to make it back to civilization
September 6, 2023 at 11:51 AM
No fate worse than being someone who knows too much about Disney but swears they aren’t a Disney adult
August 22, 2023 at 6:51 PM
I am about to go to Jungle Jim’s, the greatest ambassador of American capitalism I have ever seen. There will be pictures to follow.
August 21, 2023 at 3:25 PM
🎵 O-o-o-Ozempic! 🎵
August 13, 2023 at 6:14 PM
Just gave the generally agreed upon best speech at the rehearsal dinner for the wedding which is really fucked up because 1) I’m autistic 2) I kinda phoned it in
August 12, 2023 at 1:56 AM
:)
August 6, 2023 at 4:28 AM
Going to Waffle House, asking the waitress jokingly if they serve pancakes.

She freezes in place for a moment, and then starts sobbing and screaming. The manager comes over and asks me to leave.
August 6, 2023 at 4:26 AM
Folks! Folks, the boring libs are saying you have to walk without rhythm to avoid attracting the worm.

*pause*

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna walk with rhythm. Who wants to see me walk with rhythm?

*crowd roars*
August 4, 2023 at 3:38 PM
Looking at a lowbie posting dud after dud: one must imagine Sisyphus happy
August 3, 2023 at 7:36 PM
Asking the Michelin Man how has time to go to all those restaurants
Hugging the Michelin Man for Michelin
August 3, 2023 at 5:56 PM
Going to the Waffle House, asking for pancakes, and a big bouncer comes out from nowhere picks me up and throws me bodily from the establishment
August 3, 2023 at 4:00 PM