Gluing myself back together...
@alyssonfergison.com
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
Pinned
Reposted by Gluing myself back together...
I've been so lazy for so long that I decided to start—well, I'm not sure 'decided' is really the right word... I just started doing it—dancing. Kelly is already singing 24/7, so sometimes I just... dance.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
a close up of a woman with the words pain only makes us stronger
ALT: a close up of a woman with the words pain only makes us stronger
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 9:39 PM
I've been so lazy for so long that I decided to start—well, I'm not sure 'decided' is really the right word... I just started doing it—dancing. Kelly is already singing 24/7, so sometimes I just... dance.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
Ooh... discovery is a BITCH!
December 27, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Ooh... discovery is a BITCH!
A hamster just liked this post and I feel like I should just delete my account right now, because it doesn't get better than a hamster liking a squirrel post.
December 27, 2025 at 12:17 AM
A hamster just liked this post and I feel like I should just delete my account right now, because it doesn't get better than a hamster liking a squirrel post.
The pic on the right is literally every picture of my stupid friends from our college house. Couch... jeans... backwards hat... drunk morons... foreground of empty beer bottles that definitely have cigarette butts floating in 'em... don't even have to look.
AI couldn't generate a better '90s pic.
AI couldn't generate a better '90s pic.
And you missed the other day when I posted his frat pic of him doing the Little 500. You come sweep up his granola bits with his big head and tiny spandex shirt😂 Look at this hacky sack frat bro goofy '90s shit. I can hear the Pearl Jam in the background.
December 27, 2025 at 12:15 AM
The pic on the right is literally every picture of my stupid friends from our college house. Couch... jeans... backwards hat... drunk morons... foreground of empty beer bottles that definitely have cigarette butts floating in 'em... don't even have to look.
AI couldn't generate a better '90s pic.
AI couldn't generate a better '90s pic.
Just like THC gummies, it seems I can only get so far... kept right on pounding them after this, but never got more fucked up. That's a little disappointing. I'll probably turn out to be one of those people who could do a stand-up set on ayahuasca, which royally pisses me off.
December 27, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Just like THC gummies, it seems I can only get so far... kept right on pounding them after this, but never got more fucked up. That's a little disappointing. I'll probably turn out to be one of those people who could do a stand-up set on ayahuasca, which royally pisses me off.
I'm 100% this bitch. And it was funny every time I did it. 🤣
December 26, 2025 at 11:45 PM
I'm 100% this bitch. And it was funny every time I did it. 🤣
Psst, you know how many women do this, just to protect ourselves... from the world or the people in ours? The make-up, the clothes, the hair, gaining weight... it's all armor.
I think one of them is singing to me right now. And I'm betting she'd admit it, if she gets that's what was going on...
I think one of them is singing to me right now. And I'm betting she'd admit it, if she gets that's what was going on...
December 26, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Psst, you know how many women do this, just to protect ourselves... from the world or the people in ours? The make-up, the clothes, the hair, gaining weight... it's all armor.
I think one of them is singing to me right now. And I'm betting she'd admit it, if she gets that's what was going on...
I think one of them is singing to me right now. And I'm betting she'd admit it, if she gets that's what was going on...
One night one of my stupid friends invited an even stupider friend of his that I didn't know out with us and at one point this cockmunch leans over to me & says, "I'd fuck the funny right outta you."
I looked at my friend like he better do something before I hurt that boy. Stop doing that shit.
I looked at my friend like he better do something before I hurt that boy. Stop doing that shit.
December 26, 2025 at 11:08 PM
One night one of my stupid friends invited an even stupider friend of his that I didn't know out with us and at one point this cockmunch leans over to me & says, "I'd fuck the funny right outta you."
I looked at my friend like he better do something before I hurt that boy. Stop doing that shit.
I looked at my friend like he better do something before I hurt that boy. Stop doing that shit.
*not
Like, please stop looking at women like you want to have us for breakfast. It's not a flattering thing from men you're not involved with or interested in. And that's now how you're going to get a woman to be either of those things with you.
I say men because women just don't do this...
I say men because women just don't do this...
December 26, 2025 at 10:54 PM
*not
Seriously... this is young man's work. I don't have it in me anymore. I'm not even totally kidding about it almost being impressive. If you're a 70-something drunk, you're built from a different breed stock.
One bottle of vodka & 2 days of drinking and I'm basically Phyllis Diller's corpse...
One bottle of vodka & 2 days of drinking and I'm basically Phyllis Diller's corpse...
December 26, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Seriously... this is young man's work. I don't have it in me anymore. I'm not even totally kidding about it almost being impressive. If you're a 70-something drunk, you're built from a different breed stock.
One bottle of vodka & 2 days of drinking and I'm basically Phyllis Diller's corpse...
One bottle of vodka & 2 days of drinking and I'm basically Phyllis Diller's corpse...
Reposted by Gluing myself back together...
Yup.
I'm telling y'all, these dudes don't know anything.🤡
Frank Sinatra was a vocal anti-racist. He fought racism with his actions, his words, and his money.
Actions:
Refused to stay at segregated hotels. Made sure Black artists got paid fairly.
Words:
Literally wrote an article in Ebony Magazine
I'm telling y'all, these dudes don't know anything.🤡
Frank Sinatra was a vocal anti-racist. He fought racism with his actions, his words, and his money.
Actions:
Refused to stay at segregated hotels. Made sure Black artists got paid fairly.
Words:
Literally wrote an article in Ebony Magazine
December 26, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Yup.
I'm telling y'all, these dudes don't know anything.🤡
Frank Sinatra was a vocal anti-racist. He fought racism with his actions, his words, and his money.
Actions:
Refused to stay at segregated hotels. Made sure Black artists got paid fairly.
Words:
Literally wrote an article in Ebony Magazine
I'm telling y'all, these dudes don't know anything.🤡
Frank Sinatra was a vocal anti-racist. He fought racism with his actions, his words, and his money.
Actions:
Refused to stay at segregated hotels. Made sure Black artists got paid fairly.
Words:
Literally wrote an article in Ebony Magazine
I don't think I have the stamina for alcoholism.
December 26, 2025 at 10:32 PM
I don't think I have the stamina for alcoholism.
The GOP has been engaged in a campaign to destroy public education and demonize intelligence & critical thinking specifically to pave the way for ahistorical white nationalist narratives like this.
This ideological narrative only works in White America, Land of Celebratory Ignorance & Delusion.
This ideological narrative only works in White America, Land of Celebratory Ignorance & Delusion.
Imagine watching Sinatra, son of Dolly & Antonini born in Genoa & Sicily, respectively, and Martin, son of Gaetano & Angela, born in Montesilvano, Italy & Ohio respectively, (Angela to parents born in Monasterolo, Italy), and crusading against the value of children of immigrants to the U.S.
December 26, 2025 at 9:46 PM
The GOP has been engaged in a campaign to destroy public education and demonize intelligence & critical thinking specifically to pave the way for ahistorical white nationalist narratives like this.
This ideological narrative only works in White America, Land of Celebratory Ignorance & Delusion.
This ideological narrative only works in White America, Land of Celebratory Ignorance & Delusion.
I've been so lazy for so long that I decided to start—well, I'm not sure 'decided' is really the right word... I just started doing it—dancing. Kelly is already singing 24/7, so sometimes I just... dance.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
a close up of a woman with the words pain only makes us stronger
ALT: a close up of a woman with the words pain only makes us stronger
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 9:39 PM
I've been so lazy for so long that I decided to start—well, I'm not sure 'decided' is really the right word... I just started doing it—dancing. Kelly is already singing 24/7, so sometimes I just... dance.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
I've been doing it so much my hips & calves hurt. It feels pretty awesome, honestly.
There's this really fat squirrel in our back yard & I named him Fatty Bo Batty, because apparently I was feeling super creative the day I saw him. He's constantly foraging for hidden walnuts. Just now I told him he should leave some walnuts for the others and, might just be the mushrooms, but...
December 26, 2025 at 9:18 PM
There's this really fat squirrel in our back yard & I named him Fatty Bo Batty, because apparently I was feeling super creative the day I saw him. He's constantly foraging for hidden walnuts. Just now I told him he should leave some walnuts for the others and, might just be the mushrooms, but...
Reposted by Gluing myself back together...
Join me for New Years in San Francisco🌁
With
@jackiekashian.bsky.social
!!!
Dec 30-7 & 9:15🥂
Dec 31- 7:30 & 10:00🍾
punchlinecomedyclub.com
With
@jackiekashian.bsky.social
!!!
Dec 30-7 & 9:15🥂
Dec 31- 7:30 & 10:00🍾
punchlinecomedyclub.com
Greg Proops brings signature brainy stand-up back to San Francisco www.sfchronicle.com/entertainmen...
Greg Proops brings signature brainy stand-up back to San Francisco
Greg Proops’ New Year’s Punch Line shows showcase the “Whose Line” star’s smart humor, playful wordplay and deep Bay Area roots.
www.sfchronicle.com
December 26, 2025 at 8:38 PM
Join me for New Years in San Francisco🌁
With
@jackiekashian.bsky.social
!!!
Dec 30-7 & 9:15🥂
Dec 31- 7:30 & 10:00🍾
punchlinecomedyclub.com
With
@jackiekashian.bsky.social
!!!
Dec 30-7 & 9:15🥂
Dec 31- 7:30 & 10:00🍾
punchlinecomedyclub.com
Five Below Ava upstairs... shit... I can't remember her real name now... texted me earlier that she left some monkey bread at the door for me. That was thoughtful. I should stop calling her Five Below Ava. But she really does remind me of Ava.
Which I guess would make me Dollar Tree Deborah...
Which I guess would make me Dollar Tree Deborah...
a woman holding an orange umbrella with the words " you don 't know what hard is " written below her
ALT: a woman holding an orange umbrella with the words " you don 't know what hard is " written below her
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Five Below Ava upstairs... shit... I can't remember her real name now... texted me earlier that she left some monkey bread at the door for me. That was thoughtful. I should stop calling her Five Below Ava. But she really does remind me of Ava.
Which I guess would make me Dollar Tree Deborah...
Which I guess would make me Dollar Tree Deborah...
Um... hello? Steady picking the bear for life. Ain't none of these cats changing my mind until men like this dude start getting cold-cocked right in the face by other men in public when they behave this way.
December 26, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Um... hello? Steady picking the bear for life. Ain't none of these cats changing my mind until men like this dude start getting cold-cocked right in the face by other men in public when they behave this way.
Dear Men,
A lot of you would improve your chances with women *just* by raising your standards for behavior to match that of the most ill-behaved lesbian.
I know y'all need examples to follow and shit, because you can't figure out how to behave, so there's your baseline: aggressive lesbian.
A lot of you would improve your chances with women *just* by raising your standards for behavior to match that of the most ill-behaved lesbian.
I know y'all need examples to follow and shit, because you can't figure out how to behave, so there's your baseline: aggressive lesbian.
December 26, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Dear Men,
A lot of you would improve your chances with women *just* by raising your standards for behavior to match that of the most ill-behaved lesbian.
I know y'all need examples to follow and shit, because you can't figure out how to behave, so there's your baseline: aggressive lesbian.
A lot of you would improve your chances with women *just* by raising your standards for behavior to match that of the most ill-behaved lesbian.
I know y'all need examples to follow and shit, because you can't figure out how to behave, so there's your baseline: aggressive lesbian.
That last part there... keep that shit to yourself, unless I give you a tangible reason that you can specifically cite that made you think that's information I wanted in my head.
Like, stop doing that to women. It's not a compliment to look at us like you wanna bend us over a desk at work.
Like, stop doing that to women. It's not a compliment to look at us like you wanna bend us over a desk at work.
December 26, 2025 at 7:41 PM
That last part there... keep that shit to yourself, unless I give you a tangible reason that you can specifically cite that made you think that's information I wanted in my head.
Like, stop doing that to women. It's not a compliment to look at us like you wanna bend us over a desk at work.
Like, stop doing that to women. It's not a compliment to look at us like you wanna bend us over a desk at work.
It might be the 'shroom candy bar. And the vodka. And the THC. And the empty stomach.
You know what, I'mma go with "it's all those things" and land on "I should make better choices". Then I'm gonna drink some more. And eat more 'shroom gummies. And suck the bottom out of this vape cart.
You know what, I'mma go with "it's all those things" and land on "I should make better choices". Then I'm gonna drink some more. And eat more 'shroom gummies. And suck the bottom out of this vape cart.
December 26, 2025 at 7:06 PM
It might be the 'shroom candy bar. And the vodka. And the THC. And the empty stomach.
You know what, I'mma go with "it's all those things" and land on "I should make better choices". Then I'm gonna drink some more. And eat more 'shroom gummies. And suck the bottom out of this vape cart.
You know what, I'mma go with "it's all those things" and land on "I should make better choices". Then I'm gonna drink some more. And eat more 'shroom gummies. And suck the bottom out of this vape cart.
There are often entire phases of a woman's life in which she makes specific choices about how she presents herself out in the world to either intentionally attract or very intentionally repel the male gaze.
I feel like this is a Seinfeld "shrinkage" thing that we women know, but men don't...
I feel like this is a Seinfeld "shrinkage" thing that we women know, but men don't...
December 26, 2025 at 4:49 PM
There are often entire phases of a woman's life in which she makes specific choices about how she presents herself out in the world to either intentionally attract or very intentionally repel the male gaze.
I feel like this is a Seinfeld "shrinkage" thing that we women know, but men don't...
I feel like this is a Seinfeld "shrinkage" thing that we women know, but men don't...
Nobody ever really talks about this, but it's absolutely true. Friends... coworkers... everyone. It seems to be an almost universal experience among people who lose a lot of weight.
Ask me how I know...
Ask me how I know...
how everyone treated me for twenty years until I lost 150+ lbs, and then how much better those same people treated me when I did.
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 4:04 PM
Nobody ever really talks about this, but it's absolutely true. Friends... coworkers... everyone. It seems to be an almost universal experience among people who lose a lot of weight.
Ask me how I know...
Ask me how I know...
Well... made it through Christmas. And now I'm celebrating that feat with vodka and mushroom edibles for breakfast, because I'm a responsible adult human and unaltered mental states are highly overrated.
a greeting card that says happy holidays
ALT: a greeting card that says happy holidays
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Well... made it through Christmas. And now I'm celebrating that feat with vodka and mushroom edibles for breakfast, because I'm a responsible adult human and unaltered mental states are highly overrated.
Reposted by Gluing myself back together...
As a Mental Health Clinician, I agree.
Losing the genetic crap shoot should not doom you to a life of misery and abuse from toxic people you happen to be biologically related to.
Anyone who brings you more misery than joy should be exorcised from your life like a malignant tumor, because that's exactly what they are.
Anyone who brings you more misery than joy should be exorcised from your life like a malignant tumor, because that's exactly what they are.
Yeah, no thanks.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
December 25, 2025 at 8:41 PM
As a Mental Health Clinician, I agree.