Alternative AssDeans
@altassdeans.bsky.social
A kinder, gentler AssDean who fired all the support staff to create my own position and gave myself a 200% yearly raise.
I shall never be exauctorated, but that Dean might!
January 29, 2026 at 6:25 AM
I shall never be exauctorated, but that Dean might!
This is how I expect you to feel while waiting for your annual reviews too.
January 16, 2026 at 3:02 AM
This is how I expect you to feel while waiting for your annual reviews too.
It is my understanding that Dr. Washington (allegedly) threatened Dr. Jackson with a chicken wing. We are looking into this … incident.
January 6, 2026 at 7:54 PM
It is my understanding that Dr. Washington (allegedly) threatened Dr. Jackson with a chicken wing. We are looking into this … incident.
Happy New Year! May your productivity increase tenfold! I’ll be watching and expecting!
January 1, 2026 at 4:48 AM
Happy New Year! May your productivity increase tenfold! I’ll be watching and expecting!
Why aren’t you grading?
December 11, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Why aren’t you grading?
Get your grades in on time or go on the List of Shame! This year we will put the list of late graders on the main website page. #ShameAsAMotivator
December 6, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Get your grades in on time or go on the List of Shame! This year we will put the list of late graders on the main website page. #ShameAsAMotivator
Dear ***Former*** Prospective Applicant,
Sending the Dean and cc’ing the entire faculty the YouTube video of Reba McIntyre’s song “Why haven’t I heard from you” may not have been the best play on your part.
Sending the Dean and cc’ing the entire faculty the YouTube video of Reba McIntyre’s song “Why haven’t I heard from you” may not have been the best play on your part.
December 5, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Dear ***Former*** Prospective Applicant,
Sending the Dean and cc’ing the entire faculty the YouTube video of Reba McIntyre’s song “Why haven’t I heard from you” may not have been the best play on your part.
Sending the Dean and cc’ing the entire faculty the YouTube video of Reba McIntyre’s song “Why haven’t I heard from you” may not have been the best play on your part.
Yall are lucky I don’t have a podcast.
The stories I’ve buried will chill you to the bone…
The stories I’ve buried will chill you to the bone…
December 3, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Yall are lucky I don’t have a podcast.
The stories I’ve buried will chill you to the bone…
The stories I’ve buried will chill you to the bone…
As we head into Thanksgiving break, I truly hope everyone gets the rest they keep telling me they don’t have time for.
November 21, 2025 at 3:02 AM
As we head into Thanksgiving break, I truly hope everyone gets the rest they keep telling me they don’t have time for.
This will help you understand me better! I’m at least a 2!
November 18, 2025 at 3:01 AM
This will help you understand me better! I’m at least a 2!
We have decided to halt international travel for faculty. If you want to go to an international conference please find one in this country.
Thank you and please remember that we value your international research so much!
Thank you and please remember that we value your international research so much!
November 16, 2025 at 12:55 AM
We have decided to halt international travel for faculty. If you want to go to an international conference please find one in this country.
Thank you and please remember that we value your international research so much!
Thank you and please remember that we value your international research so much!
The new software we deployed to your devices is to protect you, not to spy on you!
November 15, 2025 at 12:53 PM
The new software we deployed to your devices is to protect you, not to spy on you!
You smell different when you’re awake.
November 15, 2025 at 12:05 AM
You smell different when you’re awake.
The arc of the #AssDean universe is long, but it bends toward reality. Yall still complainin’!
Academics in Assyria in the 7th c BC complain that admin is preventing them from doing research and teaching
November 3, 2025 at 11:48 AM
The arc of the #AssDean universe is long, but it bends toward reality. Yall still complainin’!
If your over thinking about my policies and practices burned calories, you wouldn’t exist. Get back to work!
November 3, 2025 at 11:45 AM
If your over thinking about my policies and practices burned calories, you wouldn’t exist. Get back to work!
My student just called Cincinnati “Sin-Sin-Naughty”. This means effective immediately we will no longer support conferences in that den of filth.
I hope to see you in Vegas next month though.
I hope to see you in Vegas next month though.
October 30, 2025 at 11:53 PM
My student just called Cincinnati “Sin-Sin-Naughty”. This means effective immediately we will no longer support conferences in that den of filth.
I hope to see you in Vegas next month though.
I hope to see you in Vegas next month though.
I speak fluent academic nonsense. It’s not my fault you do not understand it.
October 29, 2025 at 1:03 AM
I speak fluent academic nonsense. It’s not my fault you do not understand it.
With the retirement of Professors Smith, Jones, and Williams, I am happy to announce my promotion from AssDean to ASSDean. Their salaries alone justified my promotion and raise. We will not be replacing their lines. We thank them for their combined 80 years of teaching and research to our college.
October 19, 2025 at 4:35 PM
With the retirement of Professors Smith, Jones, and Williams, I am happy to announce my promotion from AssDean to ASSDean. Their salaries alone justified my promotion and raise. We will not be replacing their lines. We thank them for their combined 80 years of teaching and research to our college.
It’s not really my thing, but good morning to all of you who celebrate. Make sure you’re at Monday’s meeting by 750 a.m. Remember, on time is late!
I will arrive around 2p.m. to debrief with you.
I will arrive around 2p.m. to debrief with you.
October 18, 2025 at 2:49 PM
It’s not really my thing, but good morning to all of you who celebrate. Make sure you’re at Monday’s meeting by 750 a.m. Remember, on time is late!
I will arrive around 2p.m. to debrief with you.
I will arrive around 2p.m. to debrief with you.
You found my long lost cousin!
Instead of researching the web-based apps suggested by teachers in the technology survey, the ass. sup. of curriculum has decided that it would be in the best interests of our students to renew our district license with Shady Software Company.
October 12, 2025 at 9:38 AM
You found my long lost cousin!
I am not mean. I’m selectively nice. I just did not select you.
October 12, 2025 at 1:03 AM
I am not mean. I’m selectively nice. I just did not select you.