#illgirl
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amoridere.bsky.social
"the irony of a sponge"
#poetry #melancholy #death #ALS #spongebob #memories #illgirl #tumblr #terminalillness #musings #written2015 #faith #crisisoffaith #free-verse #revised #realitysubtext #grief #depression
the irony of a sponge she's "retreating" drawing more and more inward is she trying to escape the musings? or is she just there? she can answer neither a disease took her friend away something that felt divinely cruel with much considered ("crisis of faith", such is existence) retreating, going inward currently, she watched an old show a long running one from childhood still retreating years ago, she'd be laughing currently, she doesn't laugh anymore paraodixically she watched while she felt the knife twist her friend's disease affected her before and she remembers she hated reminders no, they made her retreat this show came with two reminders and still she watched noting, idly, that her friend never liked television.
January 5, 2026 at 5:00 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"Lou Gehrig's"

A friend popped in my head at the moment.
#ALS #InMemoriam #grief #mourning #upset #musings #loss #illgirl #free-verse #tumblr #melancholy
Lou Gherig's It was sinking in The fact that her world was altered A blank patch where a loved one was suppoed to be She knew the disease was terminal And she hated that disease more For taking her friend away this disease came and stole like a thief in the night It felt so cruel Cruel beyond words neither time nor age slowed her friend down she was healthy did everything correctly but this illness stole her quickly She wondered if Her friend hated that disease Just as much But she knew her friend Likely accepted it with grace she didn't want this to be real but it was sinking in A blank patch Where a loved one belonged.
June 1, 2025 at 12:03 AM
amoridere.bsky.social
"Birds and Anemones"
#melancholy #illgirl #digitalphotography #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #nendography #blackandwhite #ryukomatoi #satsukikiryuuin #stasis #sylvanianfamilies #calicocritters #signatured #chibiryuko #ranoutofthingstopost #miniverse #monique
Taking some time to herself, Satsuki observes the birds on the bird bath. Behind her, is a jar of flowers A closeup on the EKG , IV drip, and the flowers from earlier. "Sister, I hope you like the flowers."
May 11, 2025 at 9:03 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"Purple"
#inmemoriam #bittersweet #freeverse #poetry #purple #shortpoem #musings #illgirl #morningglories #tumblr
Purple She remembered That her friend Loved purple She wished that “loved” Wasn’t past tense Her friend’s favorite Color pallet being “Morning glory” (purple, green, and blue in-between) She didn’t want this to be real No, they had more adventures to go on More things to talk about Fleeting memories of Adventures long passed Words left unsaid Her friend loved purple Something that she remembered “Loved” shouldn’t be past tense At the moment, it wasn’t “Goodbye” Instead, it was “Thank you” Fleeting memories of Someone’s life well-lived Memories colored Purple, green, and blue In-between “Morning Glory”
May 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"absence deeply felt"
#melancholy #illgirl #digitalphotography #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #nendography #blackandwhite #ryukomatoi #satsukikiryuuin #chemotherapy #cancer #rement #sylvanianfamilies #calicocritters #signatured #chibiryuko #ranoutofthingstopost #minibrands
"I wish I could show you my hair, Imouto" Mako ironing Ryuuko's favorite flannel square. Satsuki crying into that flannel square. Mako comforting Satsuki. I think, within, Ryuuko's trying to stay strong as she's not shedding tears, though she misses them, too.
April 5, 2025 at 7:47 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"Prognosis Inconclusive"
#melancholy #illgirl #digitalphotography #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #nendography #blackandwhite #ryukomatoi #satsukikiryuuin #chemotherapy #canva #reallittles #rement #sylvanianfamilies #calicocritters #signatured #chibiryuko #ranoutofthingstopost
Those are the words on Ryuuko's medical records. Relatedly, she's made no notable improvement health-wise. Still, she's asleep and in stasis, not really aware of her prognosis
March 23, 2025 at 12:13 AM
amoridere.bsky.social
Ryuuko's still not awake, however, she did get some new medical equipment yesterday, so that's something, I guess. 😞
#illgirl #ryukomatoi #killlakill #nendography #chibiryuko #melancholy #nendoroid #nendooroiddoll #fujifilm #finepixjx520 #fujifilmfinepix #blackandwhite #signatured #stasis
As one can tell, Ryuuko's got a new feeding bag and doesn't need her trach anymore, as she's got a new oxygen apparatus. A closeup of Ryuuko's feeding bag. Ryuuko with her new medical equipment.
March 13, 2025 at 1:40 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"We miss you."

#signatured #nendography #melancholy #killlakill #ryukomatoi #blackandwhite #illgirl #satsukikiryuuin #MakoMankanshoku #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #fujifilm #ranoutofthingstopost
Mako comforting Satsuki, as the latter cries. Mako's own tears.
March 6, 2025 at 9:01 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"as big sisters do."
#signatured #melancholy #nendography #illgirl #killlakill #ryukomatoi #nendoroiddoll #fujfilm #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #blackandwhite #nendoroid #chemotherapy #digitalphotography #stasis #satsukikiryuuin #tears
Satsuki misses her sister and has been taking care Ryuuko the entire time. Yes, Ryuuko's still sick and in stasis but she's not unaware of her surroundings, though her perception is limited. No, I don't know when she'll be well again or wake up.
February 20, 2025 at 5:44 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
“One moment stretched a thousand times.”
#signatured #melancholy #nendography #illgirl #killlakill #ryukomatoi #nendoroiddoll #fujfilm #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #blackandwhite #nendoroid #chemotherapy #digitalphotography #stasis #lifefiberhybrid #sickchibi #sleepingchibi
A close-up shot of Ryuuko, sleeping peacefully, dreaming of the last snowfall she'd see. A zoomed out shot of Ryuuko, showing her medical equipment. She's still on chemo, so that part wouldn't change so much. She's hooked up to an EKG to monitor her vitals. She's got another tube, so she won't starve. Though, the can breathe somewhat normally, she got a new trache but, at some point, she'll be switched to a nasal cannula. Other meds are likely pain meds. As for her sleep, she won't wake up until her life fibers permit it. 😞
January 10, 2025 at 10:40 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
Ryuuko's last snow before she slips into stasis. 😞
First and possibly only chibi pic I'll take in 2025.
#signatured #melancholy #nendography #illgirl #killlakill #ryukomatoi #nendoroiddoll #fujfilm #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #blackandwhite #nendoroid #chemotherapy #digitalphotography
January 6, 2025 at 6:48 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
I wrote a fanfic the other day.
archiveofourown.org/works/61802098
#ShadowTheHedgehog #KillLaKill #RyukoMatoi #Cancer #illgirl #fanfic #crossover #ao3 #sonicthehedgehog
archiveofourown.org
January 1, 2025 at 9:47 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
The oxygen tank came the other day.

I just wanted to show it in use.

#signatured #melancholy #illgirl #blackandwhite #RyukoMatoi #killlakill #chemotherapy #fujifilm #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #winter #oxygentherapy #brokenheart #chibiryuko #nendography #nendoroiddoll #nendoroid
Ryuuko watching the window blow in the trees. If you're wondering, she's mostly breathing through her nose, considering the tube in her throat. The oxygen tank, if y'all were wondering what it looks like. I had to take what I could get.
December 18, 2024 at 2:52 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
Had an endocrinologist appointment. Got stuck twice because my left arm wouldn't cooperate.
#offlinegoings #illgirl #endocrinology
My left arm, which didn't bleed. My arm, which produced 4 vials of blood.
December 9, 2024 at 6:11 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"The World She Can No Longer Touch"

#melancholy #brokenheart #nendography #killlakill #RyukoMatoi #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #fujifilm #illgirl #orchid #blackandwhite #chibiryuko #nendoroiddoll #nendoroid #chemotherapy #rement #morning #longing
December 5, 2024 at 9:29 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
I usually don't take pictures of just miniatures themselves, but I wound up doing that, today.

#signatured #toyagraphy #mobilephotography #miniverse #minibrands #motogstylus #delphminiatures #rement #melancholy #blackandwhite #brokenheart #northernlitesminis #illgirl #morning
A little scene of hospital equipment with a boba beverage. This pic is more melancholic. The patient is somewhere offscreen but this sight is the sight she sees—An ECG to monitor her vitals, the medicines that she's taking to combat her illness, the bottle of pills she takes, perhaps, for pain or, perhaps, for nausea, and the boba in which she washes it down with, as she gazes out of the window. A window to a world she can't interact with. (black and white cool) A scene where it's like a living room. Maybe someone just stepped out for a moment but will otherwise be back. It's morning and there's still a cup of expresso and a jar of strawberries on the table, two books, waiting to be read, sit to the side. (black and white warm)
December 5, 2024 at 5:11 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
It's titled "Some days...."

I had to get the rest of this idea out of my system.
#melancholy #brokenheart #nendography #killlakill #RyukoMatoi #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #fujifilm #illgirl #orchid #blackandwhite #chibiryuko #nendoroiddoll #nendoroid #chemotherapy #blood #rement #morning
December 4, 2024 at 2:16 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
No, I'm still not up for taking chibi pics but I had to get this idea out of my system.

It's titled "Chemotherapy".
#melancholy #nendography #killlakill #RyukoMatoi #fujifilmfinepix #finepixjx520 #fujifilm #illgirl #blackandwhite #chibiryuko #brokenheart #nendoroid #chemotherapy
December 1, 2024 at 5:40 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"this might be my fate."

written during a spiral.
#poetrytwitter #freeverse #poem #shortpoem #musings #darkpoetry #spiraling #tumblr #ftd #mentalillness #mentalhealthwoes #realitysubtext #illgirl #aging #motherwound #motherwnddaughter #melancholy #depression #anxiety
someone who lived closed to her spiraled into frothing at the mouth she prayed that they were found though she felt she wouldn't be found no, for her, it would likely be too late her mother's developed dementia she's 27, her mother will be 55 another pang would she spiral out of control and depart or would she lose her mental faculties entirely and wish she had? Did she have a future at all? Or would the possibility even be worth looking forward to?
September 26, 2024 at 8:27 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"webs."

a poem about melancholy and sinus problems.
#illgirl #freeverse #poetry #shortpoem #tumblr #poetsonmastodon #poetrytwitter #heartbroken
September 22, 2024 at 11:52 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
Yesterday was NOT my day.

I feel slightly better, now, but I'm still in pain.
#offlinegoings #illgirl
April 6, 2024 at 12:20 PM
amoridere.bsky.social
"Defective"

Being born cursed, I find some solace in being "defective".

#infertility #PCOS #freeverse #PoetryTwitter #Poetry #shortpoem #realitysubtext #familycurse #illgirl
November 28, 2023 at 11:36 PM
rshields37.bsky.social
Today's #amny chirps: @illgirl @Yirkita @coldbrewaf @ArranBasra @DannyPalmerNYC
December 2, 2024 at 8:37 PM