#ChampagneProblems 🍾 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#RoyallyWrappedForChristmas 🎁 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#12DaresOfChristmas 🤪 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#MarryChristmas 💍 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#ChristmasInTheRockies 🪓 bsky.app/profile/laur...

#AChristmasVillage 🎅 bsky.app/profile/laur...

(2/3)

OH MY FUCKING GOD. The former employee who is suing her calls again in front of THE WORST GREENSCREEN I HAVE EVER SEEN of a tropical paradise to tell Lead Chick that he wants her to save her tears and he will pay her $1,000 per tear THESE ARE HIS ACTUAL LINES. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Now Background Check Santa is telling Lead Chick that Christmas Village Guy is into her. She's like "BUT I DON'T WANT MY PENDING LAWSUIT TO REFLECT POORLY ON THE CHRISTMAS VILLAGE!!!" bitch, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?? #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

You guys: Mentally Ill Baker just showed up at the Christmas Village and screamed (SCREAMED) when he was told he was over the weight limit to sit on Santa's lap. I...literally have no words. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Besides having hat-hair, Christmas Village Guy legit looks like a cartoon. He looks like the cartoon Brad Pitt becomes at the end of Cool World. Speaking of which, this movie might honestly be even weirder than Cool World, which is TRULY saying something. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

That night, Lead Chick is on the phone with Lesbian Sister telling her HOW NICE everyone in town is. Way nicer than THE FUCKING ASSHOLES IN NEW YORK. She finally lets Archie (who looks kinda like Lassie) sleep in the bed with her! It's A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!! #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Now they're at the local bakery, and I don't really know how to say this in a sensitive manner, but...the baker is *very* mentally ill. Like, it's played for laughs, but this man needs help. At least the actor seems to be having fun! #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Backstage, Christmas Village Guy gives Lead Chick an ornament that his kids made her SHE👏HAS👏BEEN👏HERE👏LESS👏THAN👏24👏HOURS👏 We're supposed to believe that they are falling for each other, but despite both being cute, they have less chemistry than your average brother and sister. #AChristmasVillage

YOU GUYS, THE GOATS ARE BACK!! Hank must be so fucking happy!! Lead Chick says that Background Check Santa got them to come back because he has "experience with farm animals." Exactly how extensive was this background check...? Anyway, Hank's line is literally "I am so happy." #AChristmasVillage

Okay: so the woman who runs the Bed & Breakfast she's staying at ALSO has an accent?? Why has half of the UK relocated to this small American town with the world's shittiest Christmas Village? By the way, there is NOT ENOUGH ARCHIE in this movie, but he's really cute. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

So the Christmas Village is now blacklisted by all of the local Santas, and to make matters worse, Lesbian Sister calls and tells her that that former employee somehow legally owns all of Grammy Rose's recipes and so now they're being sued THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING BONKERS! #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

You guys, I guess I don't really know what a Christmas Village is because this just seems like a shitty farm. Also, please enjoy this INCREDIBLY bizarre and uncomfortable scene introducing Hank, The Guy Who Takes Care Of The Goats (there are currently no goats). #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Gen Z just expositioned that Lead Chick has come all the way from MADISON AVENUE in NEW YORK CITY to this small-ass town to come on their weird Ebony & Ivory talk show. But they tell her LIVE ON AIR that a former employee of hers is claiming she stole all the recipes FROM HIM. #AChristmasVillage

You guys, the laugh track for the talk show is SO loud. Who sound mixed this film?? Backstage, a woman brings in a big dog named Archie who immediately knocks Lead Chick's phone out of her hand and breaks the screen ONE OF MANY REASONS I WILL NEVER BUY AN IPHONE!! #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

This talk show is hosted by a Gen-Z Black woman and an older white woman with, like, BRIGHT white hair. Honestly? Would watch. Christmas Village Guy is super nervous to be being interviewed and is TANKING it. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

The lead chick's sister/personal assistant is 100% a lesbian. I am going off of her haircut in this movie AND her IMDb photo. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

The opening montage has a slowish Christmas song and a bunch of oddly-depressing sepia-toned winter shots. It is off-putting. #AChristmasVillage #Flansmas

Tonight's Christmas Eve-eve #Flansmas movie will be #AChristmasVillage on Peacock, which features A MUTHAFUCKING CHRISTMAS VILLAGE! 🎄 I have chosen it because it has a dog in the thumbnail for Pierro, and a 4.8 on IMDb for me.