Zola Ray
@zolamray.bsky.social
Features Contributor @theonion.com
Contributor @reductress.bsky.social
Secret third thing
Contributor @reductress.bsky.social
Secret third thing
New Substack post is up! I talk about media literacy, being understood and why I defend a habit that a lot of people seem to find annoying substack.com/@zolaray/not...
Are We Allergic To Nuance?
Or am I just terrible at interacting with people?
substack.com
December 3, 2025 at 11:09 PM
New Substack post is up! I talk about media literacy, being understood and why I defend a habit that a lot of people seem to find annoying substack.com/@zolaray/not...
Legend has it Cuomo is still waiting to pick up his daughters under the Kosciuszko Bridge
October 28, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Legend has it Cuomo is still waiting to pick up his daughters under the Kosciuszko Bridge
The concept of hot ice cream is diabolical but I hope Tyra makes a root beer flavor and calls it “We were all rooting for you”
October 23, 2025 at 4:56 PM
The concept of hot ice cream is diabolical but I hope Tyra makes a root beer flavor and calls it “We were all rooting for you”
The fact that the thieves at the Louvre didn’t steal the Mona Lisa just proves how overrated it is
October 23, 2025 at 12:21 AM
The fact that the thieves at the Louvre didn’t steal the Mona Lisa just proves how overrated it is
Contrary to what some may think, the fact that I’m considering buying a prepackaged Halloween costume this year is a recession indicator
October 3, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Contrary to what some may think, the fact that I’m considering buying a prepackaged Halloween costume this year is a recession indicator
Ever since I googled how to make the perfect omelette, I’ve been burning my omelettes. Yet another reason the internet was a mistake
September 30, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Ever since I googled how to make the perfect omelette, I’ve been burning my omelettes. Yet another reason the internet was a mistake
I could totally be poly as long as everyone I’m dating considers me their primary partner. Or ideally their only partner. And I would only kiss and be intimate with one of the people
September 29, 2025 at 5:33 PM
I could totally be poly as long as everyone I’m dating considers me their primary partner. Or ideally their only partner. And I would only kiss and be intimate with one of the people
So it’s Fat Bear Week and not all of the bears have names??? GIVE. ALL. THE. BEARS. NAMES.
September 27, 2025 at 10:40 PM
So it’s Fat Bear Week and not all of the bears have names??? GIVE. ALL. THE. BEARS. NAMES.
Time to shed my white toenail polish in preparation for fall
September 16, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Time to shed my white toenail polish in preparation for fall
New Substack post about yet another pet peeve of mine zolaray.substack.com/p/youre-hand...
"You're Handling This Really Well"
Disappointment, strength, and a weird pet peeve of mine
zolaray.substack.com
September 16, 2025 at 6:56 PM
New Substack post about yet another pet peeve of mine zolaray.substack.com/p/youre-hand...
As a kid I was given the impression that there would be far more scenarios in which I’d find money and be able to return it to its rightful owner
September 15, 2025 at 11:32 PM
As a kid I was given the impression that there would be far more scenarios in which I’d find money and be able to return it to its rightful owner
My desire to hold onto summer is in conflict with the fact that I’m already looking at Halloween costumes
September 9, 2025 at 5:44 PM
My desire to hold onto summer is in conflict with the fact that I’m already looking at Halloween costumes
A case that never sat right with me: that person who doesn’t want to be my friend even though I’m so much fun
September 8, 2025 at 7:49 PM
A case that never sat right with me: that person who doesn’t want to be my friend even though I’m so much fun
Crocs on the subway? Fine. But to have them not in sport mode? You’re playing a dangerous game, my friend
September 6, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Crocs on the subway? Fine. But to have them not in sport mode? You’re playing a dangerous game, my friend
Remember those Clear Eyes commercials with Ben Stein? That’s the energy that every video from Cuomo’s campaign has except Cuomo’s not acting bland as a joke, he’s actually like that
September 3, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Remember those Clear Eyes commercials with Ben Stein? That’s the energy that every video from Cuomo’s campaign has except Cuomo’s not acting bland as a joke, he’s actually like that
“Will you call me in?” - Colbie Caillat trying to do better and hold herself accountable
September 3, 2025 at 2:40 AM
“Will you call me in?” - Colbie Caillat trying to do better and hold herself accountable
Before you post your “end of summer” photo dump, THINK:
T: Is summer actually over?
H: Is it September 21st yet?
I: Is it upsetting to your friends with seasonal affective disorder?
N: What about global warming?
K: Please slow down
T: Is summer actually over?
H: Is it September 21st yet?
I: Is it upsetting to your friends with seasonal affective disorder?
N: What about global warming?
K: Please slow down
September 1, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Before you post your “end of summer” photo dump, THINK:
T: Is summer actually over?
H: Is it September 21st yet?
I: Is it upsetting to your friends with seasonal affective disorder?
N: What about global warming?
K: Please slow down
T: Is summer actually over?
H: Is it September 21st yet?
I: Is it upsetting to your friends with seasonal affective disorder?
N: What about global warming?
K: Please slow down
My love language is Esperanto in the sense that I try to be liked by everyone but I’m understood by no one
September 1, 2025 at 5:02 PM
My love language is Esperanto in the sense that I try to be liked by everyone but I’m understood by no one
Check out my latest Substack post about my ongoing struggle to be fashionable
zolaray.substack.com/p/ive-always...
zolaray.substack.com/p/ive-always...
I've Always Wanted To Be Stylish
But it's just so daunting.
zolaray.substack.com
August 28, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Check out my latest Substack post about my ongoing struggle to be fashionable
zolaray.substack.com/p/ive-always...
zolaray.substack.com/p/ive-always...
If you see a Gen X or boomer staring at their phone, you know you’re about to hear that one wheezing laugh sound from Reels
August 27, 2025 at 7:25 PM
If you see a Gen X or boomer staring at their phone, you know you’re about to hear that one wheezing laugh sound from Reels
If removing the man from the Cracker Barrel logo made it “woke”, does that mean Protestants are more “woke” than Catholics since their cross doesn’t have Jesus on it?
August 27, 2025 at 1:15 AM
If removing the man from the Cracker Barrel logo made it “woke”, does that mean Protestants are more “woke” than Catholics since their cross doesn’t have Jesus on it?
Last night was a Modern Family episode (lots of miscommunication)
August 26, 2025 at 11:44 PM
Last night was a Modern Family episode (lots of miscommunication)
I need to have an emotional support Gmail tab open on my computer at all times
August 14, 2025 at 6:46 PM
I need to have an emotional support Gmail tab open on my computer at all times
Sometimes I do this quirky thing where I think a one-hour nap will make up for a lifetime of sleep deprivation
August 6, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Sometimes I do this quirky thing where I think a one-hour nap will make up for a lifetime of sleep deprivation
I hate when people say “if your boyfriend takes bad pictures of you, he doesn’t love you.” Have you never heard of people being bad at things?
July 29, 2025 at 4:34 PM
I hate when people say “if your boyfriend takes bad pictures of you, he doesn’t love you.” Have you never heard of people being bad at things?