Jen Keane
@zenbuffy.bsky.social
Jen Keane - she/her. Thoughts about migraine, cakes, sewing, and occasional spicy political rants.
https://jenniferkeane.ie for long-form thoughts.
https://paygap.ie/ for my Irish Gender Pay Gap data portal
https://ko-fi.com/zenbuffy to support my work
https://jenniferkeane.ie for long-form thoughts.
https://paygap.ie/ for my Irish Gender Pay Gap data portal
https://ko-fi.com/zenbuffy to support my work
Right? Also we're not always in control of our employment, our economic success. It's so important to have self worth that's not tied to your place as a cog in the machine too.
November 13, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Right? Also we're not always in control of our employment, our economic success. It's so important to have self worth that's not tied to your place as a cog in the machine too.
And all of this doesn't even begin to touch the fact that she's robbing her son of emotional growth that will actually help him feel happy and fulfilled, deal with the world, build relationships, care, love, etc. Gah!
November 13, 2025 at 11:31 AM
And all of this doesn't even begin to touch the fact that she's robbing her son of emotional growth that will actually help him feel happy and fulfilled, deal with the world, build relationships, care, love, etc. Gah!
He held a grudge about this for so long that he didn't sign my card when I left the company. He was on my actual team. And he didn't sign the card.
An epic length sulk.
An epic length sulk.
November 13, 2025 at 11:09 AM
He held a grudge about this for so long that he didn't sign my card when I left the company. He was on my actual team. And he didn't sign the card.
An epic length sulk.
An epic length sulk.
Oh it is absolutely *terrible* parenting. Economic success as the goal above all else is a nightmare. What about contributing to society? Being a good partner? Making a difference? So many things!
November 13, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Oh it is absolutely *terrible* parenting. Economic success as the goal above all else is a nightmare. What about contributing to society? Being a good partner? Making a difference? So many things!
Oh absolutely. She's contributing to the problem 100%. I'm just also pointing out that if people think she's creating a future problem, she is very much not. Problem already exists and, as you say, she is feeding it. She should be called out for that for sure.
Maybe the father didn't?
Maybe the father didn't?
November 13, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Oh absolutely. She's contributing to the problem 100%. I'm just also pointing out that if people think she's creating a future problem, she is very much not. Problem already exists and, as you say, she is feeding it. She should be called out for that for sure.
Maybe the father didn't?
Maybe the father didn't?
Until we start fixing that, people who teach their kids this lesson won't ever be proved wrong. She'll raise a successful asshole.
November 13, 2025 at 11:01 AM
Until we start fixing that, people who teach their kids this lesson won't ever be proved wrong. She'll raise a successful asshole.
It's right to call her out for teaching her son this, but also this is absolutely the world that we live in. This is the status quo. It plays out in experiences like mine, all the way up to public figures like Zuckerberg and Musk. The asshole succeeds if he is male and can math good.
November 13, 2025 at 11:00 AM
It's right to call her out for teaching her son this, but also this is absolutely the world that we live in. This is the status quo. It plays out in experiences like mine, all the way up to public figures like Zuckerberg and Musk. The asshole succeeds if he is male and can math good.
None of this ever impeded their careers. I watched those same men get sent to conferences instead of me, get selected for special internal trainings, get promoted, etc. I watched their careers and prestige grow right beside me, even with all of these behaviours.
November 13, 2025 at 10:59 AM
None of this ever impeded their careers. I watched those same men get sent to conferences instead of me, get selected for special internal trainings, get promoted, etc. I watched their careers and prestige grow right beside me, even with all of these behaviours.
I worked with men that spoke over me and furiously stormed out of meetings when I called them out on it. I worked with men who shouted and threw tantrums, who openly sulked, who refused to talk to people or were so difficult to work with that people would actively avoid them.
November 13, 2025 at 10:58 AM
I worked with men that spoke over me and furiously stormed out of meetings when I called them out on it. I worked with men who shouted and threw tantrums, who openly sulked, who refused to talk to people or were so difficult to work with that people would actively avoid them.
For this, I was labelled angry. For suggesting that we name a work server after a female programmer, I had eyes rolled at me. For so many interactions where I just politely stated an opinion or enforced a boundary, I was labelled all sorts of problematic words. The men were not. Not ever.
November 13, 2025 at 10:57 AM
For this, I was labelled angry. For suggesting that we name a work server after a female programmer, I had eyes rolled at me. For so many interactions where I just politely stated an opinion or enforced a boundary, I was labelled all sorts of problematic words. The men were not. Not ever.
But, just like a toddler who has learned to throw something, he kept pushing on this boundary, and so I kept reminding him every single time that I didn't want laptops at this meeting.
This meeting was for the benefit of the team and not me, also. I did not need this meeting, they did.
This meeting was for the benefit of the team and not me, also. I did not need this meeting, they did.
November 13, 2025 at 10:56 AM
But, just like a toddler who has learned to throw something, he kept pushing on this boundary, and so I kept reminding him every single time that I didn't want laptops at this meeting.
This meeting was for the benefit of the team and not me, also. I did not need this meeting, they did.
This meeting was for the benefit of the team and not me, also. I did not need this meeting, they did.
And to be extra clear, I have always said that if you're working on something mission critical enough that you can't be off your laptop for the meeting, first of all I'd know about it, and secondly, just don't come to the meeting and stay focused on the mission critical thing 🤷♀️
November 13, 2025 at 10:56 AM
And to be extra clear, I have always said that if you're working on something mission critical enough that you can't be off your laptop for the meeting, first of all I'd know about it, and secondly, just don't come to the meeting and stay focused on the mission critical thing 🤷♀️
So he could still kinda see the screen if he slumped but he figured I was dumb and wouldn't notice?
So I had to remind them, and in particular this man, often that this meeting was a no laptop meeting unless I had asked you to bring it for a specific reason.
So I had to remind them, and in particular this man, often that this meeting was a no laptop meeting unless I had asked you to bring it for a specific reason.
November 13, 2025 at 10:55 AM
So he could still kinda see the screen if he slumped but he figured I was dumb and wouldn't notice?
So I had to remind them, and in particular this man, often that this meeting was a no laptop meeting unless I had asked you to bring it for a specific reason.
So I had to remind them, and in particular this man, often that this meeting was a no laptop meeting unless I had asked you to bring it for a specific reason.
Several of them, and in particular this man, liked to test boundaries, as if I'd forget that the one rule I had (don't bring your laptop to this specific meeting) every single time. So he'd bring his laptop, every. single. time.
And then he experimented with partially closing the lid
And then he experimented with partially closing the lid
November 13, 2025 at 10:54 AM
Several of them, and in particular this man, liked to test boundaries, as if I'd forget that the one rule I had (don't bring your laptop to this specific meeting) every single time. So he'd bring his laptop, every. single. time.
And then he experimented with partially closing the lid
And then he experimented with partially closing the lid
"But why were you reminding them Jen, they're all adults, couldn't you just tell them once? Maybe the reminding was annoying?"
GREAT question. I was reminding them because they were, in fact, a room of toddlers who had not been told no often enough.
GREAT question. I was reminding them because they were, in fact, a room of toddlers who had not been told no often enough.
November 13, 2025 at 10:53 AM
"But why were you reminding them Jen, they're all adults, couldn't you just tell them once? Maybe the reminding was annoying?"
GREAT question. I was reminding them because they were, in fact, a room of toddlers who had not been told no often enough.
GREAT question. I was reminding them because they were, in fact, a room of toddlers who had not been told no often enough.
The "angry"? I reminded people at the start of a meeting that I didn't want them multitasking on laptops during the meeting, so either don't bring them or close them.
November 13, 2025 at 10:45 AM
The "angry"? I reminded people at the start of a meeting that I didn't want them multitasking on laptops during the meeting, so either don't bring them or close them.
Example: a full grown man had a full tantrum, including shouting, because I asked that the team mark a task and in progress in Jira if they were working on it. Same man called me angry and proceeded to list times he thought I was angry in the lunchroom in front of all of my colleagues.
November 13, 2025 at 10:44 AM
Example: a full grown man had a full tantrum, including shouting, because I asked that the team mark a task and in progress in Jira if they were working on it. Same man called me angry and proceeded to list times he thought I was angry in the lunchroom in front of all of my colleagues.
To be clear, it's awful that she's instilling this lesson in her son but my experience tells me that he's growing up into a world where multiple generations ahead of him have also been told this and it has borne out. They have been successful without ever needing to learn to get along with others.
November 13, 2025 at 10:42 AM
To be clear, it's awful that she's instilling this lesson in her son but my experience tells me that he's growing up into a world where multiple generations ahead of him have also been told this and it has borne out. They have been successful without ever needing to learn to get along with others.
I was called angry and labelled difficult, when in truth I was just clear on what I wanted and firm. I was never angry, I don't believe that emotion is useful in the office. But I wasn't a man who is good at maths/programming so I had to also adhere to the idea of "always polite friendly woman"
November 13, 2025 at 10:40 AM
I was called angry and labelled difficult, when in truth I was just clear on what I wanted and firm. I was never angry, I don't believe that emotion is useful in the office. But I wasn't a man who is good at maths/programming so I had to also adhere to the idea of "always polite friendly woman"
It's not my birthday today (that has the dubious honour of falling on international men's day) but I have a lot of hangups and anxieties about my birthday due to past things, so now November is just weeks of dread til the moment.
November 13, 2025 at 12:11 AM
It's not my birthday today (that has the dubious honour of falling on international men's day) but I have a lot of hangups and anxieties about my birthday due to past things, so now November is just weeks of dread til the moment.