It's a part of our union contract

The hardest part of leaving Instagram is that now I've lost the finely-crafted machine that accepts hot photos of me and spits out instant validation 😭 I'm not cut out for crafting witty takes on political discourse, I was *made* to info-dump on cooking science and make thirst traps.

I wore an absolutely stunning dress to a holiday party only to find that the majority of people there were mildly conservative straight men in econ/law who, despite being different races, somehow all managed to look exactly the same.

Terrible misjudgment, but at least I got to enjoy their panic.

I may not have much in this world but at least I have an alphabetized spice drawer.

If you think I should move the smoked paprika, you're a cop

Killed the sad fuck who tries to sell you cloned copies of Roller Coaster Tycoon outside the public library