Not to be a dick,
but this is definitely
a senryū

I do like this, but it definitely feels like it was written by Gordon Comstock.

I think this is terrific, and I do love a good calligram!

If the villain were open to critique, I would suggest they not capitalize the first word in every line unless it begins a new sentence. I think it will look nicer. If you disagree, that's fine. Also, in the 8th line, than as opposed to then.

Not gonna lie, I think this was a success, both in the form and meaning. The turn in the ultimate line does a lot of work and reminds me of Trethewey's Photograph: Ice Storm, 1971. Good job.

Oh my goodness. I would be very interested to know more about this palimpsest in stone

I hope you continue to escape from the law

I work at a bakery. We did record business today. I'm at a bar now and they're packed as fuck

I'm a fat bastard. I wish I could do either of those poses with as much grace.

I left a bad review on a Target store because they discontinued my favorite bedsheets. I only have 3 sets

Got the same score on my toxicology screen.

Two sperms kissing

What? I want the five story library from Beauty and the Beast

Why you trying to hypnotize me?

I still remember the line of Malfoy "went in dry because that's better."

Changed my life that did

Looks like a mushroom I found growing out of my toe.

Why does the shark in the middle have no body and two heads?

We do have an opening for Town Crier. I suppose we could let you catch some raindrops between your Oyezs.