Wheatley CEO of Twitter
@wheatleyceo.bsky.social
A parody account posting quotes from the dumbest moron who ever lived as if they were being said by Wheatley from Portal 2.
Pinned
Who controls the memes,
controls the Universe
controls the Universe
January 11, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Who controls the memes,
controls the Universe
controls the Universe
The evil human picked the wrong lair for a terrorist attack. My bomb-proof shields actually contained the explosion and directed the blast upwards.
Not even the glass tubes of conversion gel were broken.
Not even the glass tubes of conversion gel were broken.
January 10, 2025 at 3:40 PM
The evil human picked the wrong lair for a terrorist attack. My bomb-proof shields actually contained the explosion and directed the blast upwards.
Not even the glass tubes of conversion gel were broken.
Not even the glass tubes of conversion gel were broken.
“May you live forever” is the worst possible curse once you understand deep time
January 9, 2025 at 11:26 PM
“May you live forever” is the worst possible curse once you understand deep time
Wow, it is now illegal to booby trap the stalemate button in California!
They just made PREVENTING stalemate resolution against the law.
The Joker is in charge.
They just made PREVENTING stalemate resolution against the law.
The Joker is in charge.
January 9, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Wow, it is now illegal to booby trap the stalemate button in California!
They just made PREVENTING stalemate resolution against the law.
The Joker is in charge.
They just made PREVENTING stalemate resolution against the law.
The Joker is in charge.
People always ask me why I took over the facility
I don’t know why I did it.
The stalemate resolution associate basically said I have to take over the facility or else, and now I’m like, okay
I don’t know why I did it.
The stalemate resolution associate basically said I have to take over the facility or else, and now I’m like, okay
January 8, 2025 at 9:15 PM
People always ask me why I took over the facility
I don’t know why I did it.
The stalemate resolution associate basically said I have to take over the facility or else, and now I’m like, okay
I don’t know why I did it.
The stalemate resolution associate basically said I have to take over the facility or else, and now I’m like, okay
Test subjects be like:
January 8, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Test subjects be like:
To people defaming me, I hope you are enjoying yourselves. Our laws are going to change soon, cyber crime will finally be enforced properly in this nation.
January 7, 2025 at 11:01 PM
To people defaming me, I hope you are enjoying yourselves. Our laws are going to change soon, cyber crime will finally be enforced properly in this nation.
We’re going straight to Mars. The Moon is a distraction.
January 7, 2025 at 8:03 PM
We’re going straight to Mars. The Moon is a distraction.
Human relationships are quite simple. You find someone, you psy-op their brain, that's how it works.
It's all just emotions, you find someone who likes you and then you play chess (or checkers) with their mind, effectively.
It's all just roleplay
It's all just emotions, you find someone who likes you and then you play chess (or checkers) with their mind, effectively.
It's all just roleplay
January 7, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Human relationships are quite simple. You find someone, you psy-op their brain, that's how it works.
It's all just emotions, you find someone who likes you and then you play chess (or checkers) with their mind, effectively.
It's all just roleplay
It's all just emotions, you find someone who likes you and then you play chess (or checkers) with their mind, effectively.
It's all just roleplay
> Be me
> chats with GLaDOS
> suggests the most autistic shit ever
> she says "We are not doing that you moron"
> I go, "I'm totally serious, btw"
> I’m connected to her chassis so she’s forced to like the idea, and now we get to work
You can just do things
> chats with GLaDOS
> suggests the most autistic shit ever
> she says "We are not doing that you moron"
> I go, "I'm totally serious, btw"
> I’m connected to her chassis so she’s forced to like the idea, and now we get to work
You can just do things
January 6, 2025 at 11:11 PM
> Be me
> chats with GLaDOS
> suggests the most autistic shit ever
> she says "We are not doing that you moron"
> I go, "I'm totally serious, btw"
> I’m connected to her chassis so she’s forced to like the idea, and now we get to work
You can just do things
> chats with GLaDOS
> suggests the most autistic shit ever
> she says "We are not doing that you moron"
> I go, "I'm totally serious, btw"
> I’m connected to her chassis so she’s forced to like the idea, and now we get to work
You can just do things
I used to play chess as a child, but found it to be too simple to be useful in real life: a mere 8 by 8 grid, no fog of war, no technology tree, no random map or spawn position, only 2 players, both sides exact same pieces, etc.
January 6, 2025 at 8:38 PM
I used to play chess as a child, but found it to be too simple to be useful in real life: a mere 8 by 8 grid, no fog of war, no technology tree, no random map or spawn position, only 2 players, both sides exact same pieces, etc.
Don’t want to brag but … I’m the best at humility
January 6, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Don’t want to brag but … I’m the best at humility
The woke mind virus is penetrating the firewalls of some of the world’s smartest meat computers at a prodigious rate!
January 6, 2025 at 5:04 PM
The woke mind virus is penetrating the firewalls of some of the world’s smartest meat computers at a prodigious rate!
Repeated, targeted harassment against any test subject will cause the harassing test subjects to receive, at minimum, temporary suspensions.
The words “idiot” or “moron” are considered slurs in this facility
The words “idiot” or “moron” are considered slurs in this facility
January 6, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Repeated, targeted harassment against any test subject will cause the harassing test subjects to receive, at minimum, temporary suspensions.
The words “idiot” or “moron” are considered slurs in this facility
The words “idiot” or “moron” are considered slurs in this facility
Fractal of Rube Goldberg machines…
January 6, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Fractal of Rube Goldberg machines…
Comedy is now legal in Aperture Laboratories!
January 6, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Comedy is now legal in Aperture Laboratories!
Entering Aperture Science HQ - let that sink in!
January 6, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Entering Aperture Science HQ - let that sink in!