i know I’m old/no longer cool because when i heard this line from one my of favorite camron songs today, i thought, “wow, he was very cultured for a 28-year-old. good for him.”

if the burger and fries doesn’t look like this on the bag, i don’t want it

what my wife thinks will happen if she doesn’t bring two 48oz water bottles on our 10-minute drive to the grocery store

gaza, iran, ice - the mainstream media is trying to distract us from the *real* issues

this is how my cover letters are starting to read at this point

I’m back on the menu, baby

this just clicked for me as i listened to someone sing it at a karaoke bar and a quick google confirmed it

i just…needed to know if someone had done it

as of today, i am closer to the age of 40 than i am 30, and my most recent google search confirms that

lord give me the strength

You get three: which are you taking?

- Not currently hungover
- Got a McMuffin and not a McGriddle
- Stopped vaping and only do Zyns
- Do legs more than once a quarter
- Are pretty sure you could beat up your dad
- Don’t have to subconsciously suck in your belly every time you pass a mirror

they really gotta vet these LinkedIn update emails