Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes.bsky.social
I saw a great movie about how programmers learned to store information in databases.
I can’t wait for the SQL
I can’t wait for the SQL
November 18, 2025 at 7:25 PM
I saw a great movie about how programmers learned to store information in databases.
I can’t wait for the SQL
I can’t wait for the SQL
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks
They only have one pair of trunks
November 18, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks
They only have one pair of trunks
A three-foot, three-inch man knocked at my door. “Who might you be?” I asked.
“I'm the meter man,” he replied
“I'm the meter man,” he replied
November 18, 2025 at 3:32 PM
A three-foot, three-inch man knocked at my door. “Who might you be?” I asked.
“I'm the meter man,” he replied
“I'm the meter man,” he replied
My colleague told me he has a fear of attachment.
I said, “It's okay, I'll just print the PDF”
I said, “It's okay, I'll just print the PDF”
November 18, 2025 at 2:25 PM
My colleague told me he has a fear of attachment.
I said, “It's okay, I'll just print the PDF”
I said, “It's okay, I'll just print the PDF”
Fun fact: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.
And import
And import
November 18, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Fun fact: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.
And import
And import
My friend's wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk and never came back. I asked him how he was coping.
“Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using some of that powdered stuff”
“Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using some of that powdered stuff”
November 18, 2025 at 8:09 AM
My friend's wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk and never came back. I asked him how he was coping.
“Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using some of that powdered stuff”
“Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using some of that powdered stuff”
Why did James Bond go grey?
No time to dye
No time to dye
November 18, 2025 at 7:19 AM
Why did James Bond go grey?
No time to dye
No time to dye
If my jokes are average, does that make me a co-median?
November 18, 2025 at 6:24 AM
If my jokes are average, does that make me a co-median?
A limbo dancer married a locksmith.
The wedding was low key
The wedding was low key
November 17, 2025 at 11:42 PM
A limbo dancer married a locksmith.
The wedding was low key
The wedding was low key
How do you catch a fish online?
With clickbait
With clickbait
November 17, 2025 at 10:09 PM
How do you catch a fish online?
With clickbait
With clickbait
I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking.
I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house
I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house
November 17, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking.
I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house
I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house
I had a friend in college named Hunter but he was a vegan so we called him Gatherer
November 17, 2025 at 7:03 PM
I had a friend in college named Hunter but he was a vegan so we called him Gatherer
Somebody glued my favorite deck of cards together.
I'm having trouble dealing with it
I'm having trouble dealing with it
November 17, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Somebody glued my favorite deck of cards together.
I'm having trouble dealing with it
I'm having trouble dealing with it
I tell chemistry jokes periodically, but there’s usually no reaction
November 17, 2025 at 5:07 PM
I tell chemistry jokes periodically, but there’s usually no reaction
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man
He was too far out, man
November 17, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man
He was too far out, man
My computer said my password is insecure.
Well maybe if it wasn’t forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident
Well maybe if it wasn’t forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident
November 17, 2025 at 1:17 PM
My computer said my password is insecure.
Well maybe if it wasn’t forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident
Well maybe if it wasn’t forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
November 17, 2025 at 11:14 AM
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally
What do you call a pile of coins in the rain?
Climate change
Climate change
November 17, 2025 at 9:18 AM
What do you call a pile of coins in the rain?
Climate change
Climate change
What do you call weightlifting vegetables?
Muscle sprouts
Muscle sprouts
November 17, 2025 at 7:46 AM
What do you call weightlifting vegetables?
Muscle sprouts
Muscle sprouts
What do you get when you cross Captain America and The Hulk?
The Star Spangled Banner
The Star Spangled Banner
November 17, 2025 at 6:33 AM
What do you get when you cross Captain America and The Hulk?
The Star Spangled Banner
The Star Spangled Banner
Your honor, my client pleads the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift.
Jury: Hallelujah
Jury: Hallelujah
November 17, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Your honor, my client pleads the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift.
Jury: Hallelujah
Jury: Hallelujah
Everyone told Sam not to sing.
But Samsung anyway
But Samsung anyway
November 16, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Everyone told Sam not to sing.
But Samsung anyway
But Samsung anyway
Me, as a child: I beat all my sisters at hide and seek today!
My dad: That's good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ.
Me: Who
My dad: That's good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ.
Me: Who
November 16, 2025 at 9:28 PM
Me, as a child: I beat all my sisters at hide and seek today!
My dad: That's good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ.
Me: Who
My dad: That's good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ.
Me: Who
Did you know?
The famous actor Raymond Burr had a lumberjack brother named Tim
The famous actor Raymond Burr had a lumberjack brother named Tim
November 16, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Did you know?
The famous actor Raymond Burr had a lumberjack brother named Tim
The famous actor Raymond Burr had a lumberjack brother named Tim
Son: Daddy, there's a monster under my bed!
Me: Why do you think I chose the other room?
Me: Why do you think I chose the other room?
November 16, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Son: Daddy, there's a monster under my bed!
Me: Why do you think I chose the other room?
Me: Why do you think I chose the other room?