As someone who immediately adopted the Jeb Bush "please clap" tag to my linguistic toolbox, I don't appreciate these Johnny come latelys using it now ten years later.
You're either too late or too young. This is mine. Mine!
Um, please DON'T clap.
You're either too late or too young. This is mine. Mine!
Um, please DON'T clap.
April 5, 2025 at 3:08 PM
As someone who immediately adopted the Jeb Bush "please clap" tag to my linguistic toolbox, I don't appreciate these Johnny come latelys using it now ten years later.
You're either too late or too young. This is mine. Mine!
Um, please DON'T clap.
You're either too late or too young. This is mine. Mine!
Um, please DON'T clap.
Iron Man more like Fe Male please clap
March 18, 2025 at 11:10 AM
Iron Man more like Fe Male please clap
Bad news for YouTube. When those ads start rolling, my eyes are locked in on the tiny spot where "skip" is about to appear. I ain't absorbing shit.
March 6, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Bad news for YouTube. When those ads start rolling, my eyes are locked in on the tiny spot where "skip" is about to appear. I ain't absorbing shit.
Turns out, I'm PAYING for this shit!
March 5, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Turns out, I'm PAYING for this shit!
I could be mistaken, but the person next to me on the flight I just boarded may be traveling with lungs in her carry on
March 2, 2025 at 12:07 PM
I could be mistaken, but the person next to me on the flight I just boarded may be traveling with lungs in her carry on
Someone drive Trump's fat ass to the golf course tomorrow so we can avoid another destabilizing geopolitical event, for the love of christ
March 1, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Someone drive Trump's fat ass to the golf course tomorrow so we can avoid another destabilizing geopolitical event, for the love of christ
Eyes Wide Shut is hilarious. Mostly because Tom Cruise's Bill is a naive dumbass.
Favorite bit is when he arrives at the secret society sex party in a fukin CAB and gets immediately caught.
He pulls up, has a convo with the driver, and security is staring at them the entire time, center frame. 😆😆😆
Favorite bit is when he arrives at the secret society sex party in a fukin CAB and gets immediately caught.
He pulls up, has a convo with the driver, and security is staring at them the entire time, center frame. 😆😆😆
February 26, 2025 at 2:41 AM
Eyes Wide Shut is hilarious. Mostly because Tom Cruise's Bill is a naive dumbass.
Favorite bit is when he arrives at the secret society sex party in a fukin CAB and gets immediately caught.
He pulls up, has a convo with the driver, and security is staring at them the entire time, center frame. 😆😆😆
Favorite bit is when he arrives at the secret society sex party in a fukin CAB and gets immediately caught.
He pulls up, has a convo with the driver, and security is staring at them the entire time, center frame. 😆😆😆
Actually not surprising in the least, given the current executive branch situation.
February 25, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Actually not surprising in the least, given the current executive branch situation.
Even before his downfall, Puff Daddy was the worst feature possible on a track, primarily for his always terrible backing vocals.
That said, Master P gives him a run for his money. What is Percy doing here?! 😭
That said, Master P gives him a run for his money. What is Percy doing here?! 😭
C-Murder - Akickdoe! (ft. Bun B, Master P, Pimp C)
YouTube video by Mississippi Hip Hop
youtu.be
February 25, 2025 at 12:40 AM
Even before his downfall, Puff Daddy was the worst feature possible on a track, primarily for his always terrible backing vocals.
That said, Master P gives him a run for his money. What is Percy doing here?! 😭
That said, Master P gives him a run for his money. What is Percy doing here?! 😭
Used machine learning to train my AI assistant to call my wife and daughter every time either says "I'm hungry" and respond "hi, hungry, I'm dad."
In the dystopian AI future, I'll be paid to train AIs to be funny like this. No one can make the robots funnier than me. I'll be paid billions.
In the dystopian AI future, I'll be paid to train AIs to be funny like this. No one can make the robots funnier than me. I'll be paid billions.
February 23, 2025 at 8:33 AM
Used machine learning to train my AI assistant to call my wife and daughter every time either says "I'm hungry" and respond "hi, hungry, I'm dad."
In the dystopian AI future, I'll be paid to train AIs to be funny like this. No one can make the robots funnier than me. I'll be paid billions.
In the dystopian AI future, I'll be paid to train AIs to be funny like this. No one can make the robots funnier than me. I'll be paid billions.
Imagine being Egyptian 10,000 years ago and honestly believing you CAN take it with you when you go.
But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid this pile of mummified cat bodies proves that is not the case.
But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid this pile of mummified cat bodies proves that is not the case.
February 23, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Imagine being Egyptian 10,000 years ago and honestly believing you CAN take it with you when you go.
But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid this pile of mummified cat bodies proves that is not the case.
But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm afraid this pile of mummified cat bodies proves that is not the case.
Market investment returns since Nov 5, 2024 (date picked completely at random lololol):
1.09%
Man, those friends and acquaintances who told me a certain level of insanity would be worth making a clearly terrible choice were right. This is totally worth it! 🤑🤑🤑
1.09%
Man, those friends and acquaintances who told me a certain level of insanity would be worth making a clearly terrible choice were right. This is totally worth it! 🤑🤑🤑
February 23, 2025 at 12:43 AM
Market investment returns since Nov 5, 2024 (date picked completely at random lololol):
1.09%
Man, those friends and acquaintances who told me a certain level of insanity would be worth making a clearly terrible choice were right. This is totally worth it! 🤑🤑🤑
1.09%
Man, those friends and acquaintances who told me a certain level of insanity would be worth making a clearly terrible choice were right. This is totally worth it! 🤑🤑🤑
A favorite rarely discussed distinct vocalist you love I'll go first Christine McVie
February 19, 2025 at 6:39 PM
A favorite rarely discussed distinct vocalist you love I'll go first Christine McVie
I turned 35 𝘵𝘩𝘦 day Trump won in 2016.
That my peak adult years will be stained by this [Tim Robinson voice] fucker... really tans my hide.
That my peak adult years will be stained by this [Tim Robinson voice] fucker... really tans my hide.
February 18, 2025 at 4:57 PM
I turned 35 𝘵𝘩𝘦 day Trump won in 2016.
That my peak adult years will be stained by this [Tim Robinson voice] fucker... really tans my hide.
That my peak adult years will be stained by this [Tim Robinson voice] fucker... really tans my hide.
I've grown to love the metallic squawk my car makes driving over slight imperfections in the road when it's <40°, to need it.
It affirms me and so I too it.
It affirms me and so I too it.
February 18, 2025 at 3:52 AM
I've grown to love the metallic squawk my car makes driving over slight imperfections in the road when it's <40°, to need it.
It affirms me and so I too it.
It affirms me and so I too it.
I've had this note to "calk [sic] outside pipe" for more than three years. I have not caulked the outside pipe.
February 17, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I've had this note to "calk [sic] outside pipe" for more than three years. I have not caulked the outside pipe.
Every time I fire up an Ernest movie.
February 17, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Every time I fire up an Ernest movie.
A celebration of 50 years for SNL without Wayne's World feels like a big negative.
February 17, 2025 at 4:50 AM
A celebration of 50 years for SNL without Wayne's World feels like a big negative.
"Snake Eyes!" I shout, shoving my phone screen at the young movie theater employee. He stares, unmoved. My Letterboxd recent activity presented to his face after reminding me what I watched instead of the second half of the Super Bowl. An opportunity to impress a youth squandered yet again.
February 16, 2025 at 3:29 AM
"Snake Eyes!" I shout, shoving my phone screen at the young movie theater employee. He stares, unmoved. My Letterboxd recent activity presented to his face after reminding me what I watched instead of the second half of the Super Bowl. An opportunity to impress a youth squandered yet again.
Walking around Victoria Secret guffawing at the lingerie, making eye contact with other shoppers and silently mouthing "get a load of this" but holding up the biggest pair of granny panties
February 16, 2025 at 12:08 AM
Walking around Victoria Secret guffawing at the lingerie, making eye contact with other shoppers and silently mouthing "get a load of this" but holding up the biggest pair of granny panties
My wife's car constantly beeps at me, as if I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 43-years-old. You're two-years-old, car. Stfu
February 16, 2025 at 12:05 AM
My wife's car constantly beeps at me, as if I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 43-years-old. You're two-years-old, car. Stfu
In the wild. Ulta Beauty. East Peoria. 🔥
Blaque - Bring It All to Me ft. *NSYNC
YouTube video by BlaqueVEVO
youtu.be
February 15, 2025 at 11:40 PM
In the wild. Ulta Beauty. East Peoria. 🔥
Wife dropped a casual Dostoyevsky reference at the vet. As you do.
February 15, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Wife dropped a casual Dostoyevsky reference at the vet. As you do.