Better late than never - there is a lot in there not acted on yet and people just now finding and responding to posts can find strength and resolve the more they follow the threads

stabilize the whole. We have discussed the risk, but emphasize that this just a delay for me. It is such an odd decision, but it is the superior decision. Now, I just have to build the life around it -- and f cking dread calling my neurosurgeon today as they are not holistically inclined

Here I am - her support. Such as it is. No one is really expecting me to live more than 5 more years anyway. The recovery from this procedure will be hugely demanding and fuck it, I'm a DNR. Right now, the risk to take is to help the person who everyone depends on rebuild her foundations ...

My spouse is just ... coming apart at the seams from stress - job, life, her health, my health, trying to deal with our adult son who has autism/learning disabilities, her mom & dad - who live with us have health and dementia showing up, our daughter who is struggling with things and (cont)

Here is the thing -- I should be 4 weeks out from the procedure but I had to put a stop to it all. That was a hard thing, but neccessary and okay - but I am struggling to find my footing (pun) and a way to get through the next year or so until the time is better for me to have it done (contd)

...8 to 12 mini strokes, plus 8 to 10 hours under general anesthesia which will cause significant cognitive issues. It will, hopefully, remove the catastrophic risk, but won't remove any symptoms I may have been acquiring. My world is a little silent - it's hard to talk, to do etc. But (cont)

... a 40% chance of catastrophic bleed on my brainstem. The procedure they used caused about 8 to 12 mini strokes just to find that out. My aphasia, balance, etc is pretty bad. The proposed procedure to possibly fix it will come at the price of another (cont'd)

It's wonderful. I am a Clockwork Carrion Crow who is so young and dumb I can't find my way out of a paper bag.

So, in my garden are uneven rock/cement pile and wood steps to practice your taichi on. Hard as steel you stand, flowing as water you must move to make it between the stones or you disturb the koi who line up to watch you. And the crows, the crows who laugh at you #WitchesUnited

I caught on early with the help of my maternal grandparents who all but hated my mother for her burgeoning beliefs. It was, "kittens in burlap bags" as Nana put in. "Dried shit sold as coal" as grandpa said. Grandpa picked up cars off the ground for a lark when he was drunk but Nana had a pistol.

I have the odd vantage point of self-hatred history. I was raised by people who were ignorant of history's main lesson that if you start as "other" you cannot educate, buy, or buy-in to something enough to make yourself acceptable

I saw this last night plus the article listing the latest in numbers fleeing IRS and thought "oh boy"

"Touch earth" sometimes literally, we have a practice of moving a stack of rocks in a garden for no other purpose than when you have become lost you go move your rocks until you have found yourself again

Singing is a core part of my practice. There are just endless forms from very ritualistic and formulaic chants, mantras, supplications, to more free form whistling that are unique to the practitioner