Last Christmas I said hi to mark
And the very next day you tore me apart
And the very next day you tore me apart
December 18, 2025 at 12:07 AM
Last Christmas I said hi to mark
And the very next day you tore me apart
And the very next day you tore me apart
Nobody exclaims “alackaday!” when they’re having a tough time on the shitter anymore. There’s no more muffled wailing from the neighboring stall. What happened to the America I knew
November 30, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Nobody exclaims “alackaday!” when they’re having a tough time on the shitter anymore. There’s no more muffled wailing from the neighboring stall. What happened to the America I knew
[to the tune of auld lang syne] i wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
November 12, 2025 at 12:39 AM
[to the tune of auld lang syne] i wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
They ask why I always sit on the floor. Well, the floor is the infinite table
June 11, 2025 at 8:00 PM
They ask why I always sit on the floor. Well, the floor is the infinite table
Thanks for holding down the fart
April 1, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Thanks for holding down the fart
Help I think I just saw a zeitgeist. Can it hurt me
January 13, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Help I think I just saw a zeitgeist. Can it hurt me
everybody's saying I have a normal anal canal
September 14, 2024 at 6:39 PM
everybody's saying I have a normal anal canal
Im so bad at gifts that literally my process for finding them is searching the word kitsch and buying whatever comes up
August 27, 2024 at 1:29 AM
Im so bad at gifts that literally my process for finding them is searching the word kitsch and buying whatever comes up
Peeing into a cup to the tune of Can you Feel The Love Tonight is a vibe I guess
May 22, 2024 at 4:29 PM
Peeing into a cup to the tune of Can you Feel The Love Tonight is a vibe I guess
I heard you were doing a malarkey
April 5, 2024 at 6:03 PM
I heard you were doing a malarkey
Reposted by vileandbase
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
October 6, 2023 at 6:22 PM
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
I do not only have thoughts about shitting and farting. But I choose to cultivate a certain mystique
March 21, 2024 at 5:03 AM
I do not only have thoughts about shitting and farting. But I choose to cultivate a certain mystique
They should invent headphones that automatically mute your audio when you fart so you can make sure it wasn’t too loud
March 9, 2024 at 3:40 AM
They should invent headphones that automatically mute your audio when you fart so you can make sure it wasn’t too loud
i am the gordon ramsay of feeling comfortable shitting in public restrooms
March 7, 2024 at 4:47 AM
i am the gordon ramsay of feeling comfortable shitting in public restrooms
Do not go nightly into that good gent
February 18, 2024 at 10:07 PM
Do not go nightly into that good gent
Last night I had a dream where fish became gigantic and could jump so high they would knock airplanes out of the sky, and anybody killed by a giant fish came back as a zombie that could only speak in math equations. Most of the dream was flying an airplane and dodging giant fish after many beers.
December 23, 2023 at 5:42 PM
Last night I had a dream where fish became gigantic and could jump so high they would knock airplanes out of the sky, and anybody killed by a giant fish came back as a zombie that could only speak in math equations. Most of the dream was flying an airplane and dodging giant fish after many beers.
Mr. President, a second bat has hit the belfry.
October 28, 2023 at 1:11 AM
Mr. President, a second bat has hit the belfry.
Any man on earth would kill any other man for a small length of twine
October 19, 2023 at 7:36 PM
Any man on earth would kill any other man for a small length of twine
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
October 6, 2023 at 6:22 PM
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
People without anxiety be like oh no. It’s the calm before the further calm
September 18, 2023 at 8:52 PM
People without anxiety be like oh no. It’s the calm before the further calm
I will never understand how they got away with naming a pokemon Slugma
September 10, 2023 at 4:27 AM
I will never understand how they got away with naming a pokemon Slugma
My mom says I am “such a hoot”
September 8, 2023 at 7:06 PM
My mom says I am “such a hoot”