Last Christmas I said hi to mark
And the very next day you tore me apart
And the very next day you tore me apart
December 18, 2025 at 12:07 AM
Last Christmas I said hi to mark
And the very next day you tore me apart
And the very next day you tore me apart
Nobody exclaims “alackaday!” when they’re having a tough time on the shitter anymore. There’s no more muffled wailing from the neighboring stall. What happened to the America I knew
November 30, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Nobody exclaims “alackaday!” when they’re having a tough time on the shitter anymore. There’s no more muffled wailing from the neighboring stall. What happened to the America I knew
[to the tune of auld lang syne] i wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
November 12, 2025 at 12:39 AM
[to the tune of auld lang syne] i wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
I’ve need of no throne. I know my station
June 11, 2025 at 8:01 PM
I’ve need of no throne. I know my station
They ask why I always sit on the floor. Well, the floor is the infinite table
June 11, 2025 at 8:00 PM
They ask why I always sit on the floor. Well, the floor is the infinite table
Thanks for holding down the fart
April 1, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Thanks for holding down the fart
Help I think I just saw a zeitgeist. Can it hurt me
January 13, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Help I think I just saw a zeitgeist. Can it hurt me
everybody's saying I have a normal anal canal
September 14, 2024 at 6:39 PM
everybody's saying I have a normal anal canal
Im so bad at gifts that literally my process for finding them is searching the word kitsch and buying whatever comes up
August 27, 2024 at 1:29 AM
Im so bad at gifts that literally my process for finding them is searching the word kitsch and buying whatever comes up
They’re moving the goalposts by wagging the dog with kabuki theater
June 9, 2024 at 3:30 AM
They’re moving the goalposts by wagging the dog with kabuki theater
Peeing into a cup to the tune of Can you Feel The Love Tonight is a vibe I guess
May 22, 2024 at 4:29 PM
Peeing into a cup to the tune of Can you Feel The Love Tonight is a vibe I guess
I heard you were doing a malarkey
April 5, 2024 at 6:03 PM
I heard you were doing a malarkey
Reposted by vileandbase
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
October 6, 2023 at 6:22 PM
In the coming days, I will be bringing forward a motion to vacate my bowels
I do not only have thoughts about shitting and farting. But I choose to cultivate a certain mystique
March 21, 2024 at 5:03 AM
I do not only have thoughts about shitting and farting. But I choose to cultivate a certain mystique
They should invent headphones that automatically mute your audio when you fart so you can make sure it wasn’t too loud
March 9, 2024 at 3:40 AM
They should invent headphones that automatically mute your audio when you fart so you can make sure it wasn’t too loud
i am the gordon ramsay of feeling comfortable shitting in public restrooms
March 7, 2024 at 4:47 AM
i am the gordon ramsay of feeling comfortable shitting in public restrooms
Do not go nightly into that good gent
February 18, 2024 at 10:07 PM
Do not go nightly into that good gent
And naturally I said 9*3=27 to Danny Devito to scare him but he knew I wasn’t an actual math zombie
December 23, 2023 at 5:45 PM
And naturally I said 9*3=27 to Danny Devito to scare him but he knew I wasn’t an actual math zombie
Last night I had a dream where fish became gigantic and could jump so high they would knock airplanes out of the sky, and anybody killed by a giant fish came back as a zombie that could only speak in math equations. Most of the dream was flying an airplane and dodging giant fish after many beers.
December 23, 2023 at 5:42 PM
Last night I had a dream where fish became gigantic and could jump so high they would knock airplanes out of the sky, and anybody killed by a giant fish came back as a zombie that could only speak in math equations. Most of the dream was flying an airplane and dodging giant fish after many beers.
Mr. President, a second bat has hit the belfry.
October 28, 2023 at 1:11 AM
Mr. President, a second bat has hit the belfry.
John Donne kinda sucks but this goes hard
October 22, 2023 at 2:04 PM
John Donne kinda sucks but this goes hard
