I need to get stronger. My evil stems from being too weak.

I don't know if I'm going there or not. Maybe somewhere in-between. I need to make up for my mistakes. I hope I can redeem myself (and that's not just for the reward of getting into Heaven). I need to do more good than harm before I die.

Forgot to add the "alt text" thing for blind people. But it's chocolate bunny grahams, with a bunny on the front and the words "bunny of approval" around it

Admittedly, I am at fault. Maybe it would make me a better person if I let my mom get killed but I just can't. I don't know if going to Hell for this. I wouldn't be surprised if I went though.

That could still be viewed as self-centered in a way, priorizing those closer to oneself. At the same time, it feels so deeply ingrained in humans that typically requires great willpower and dissaciation to get over.

I don't feel right at all. I do all the obvious shit like exercising, going outside, that bullshit generic stuff. I'm deeply rotten and hollow on the inside.

My brain feels so slow and my mouth hardly feels connected to it. I was like that as a child too somewhat, but it's worsened since then. I can hardly talk.

Seems utterly mundane, but I have not had any irl friends for about the past 6 years and most of my interactions are either with my family or strictly necessarily/professional matters. It would've been nice to talk for a bit, but it's like I CAN'T.

I have found 2 people who presented as this, and with the potential to change the world, but both turned out to be carefully kept facades. Maybe someone like me is too gullible for that to be a good idea.

I do like animals and plants, and taking pictures of them or just observing.

I like God.

Both of these instill a warmth in my chest, though different from human companionship they are appreciated. My imaginary friends feel below the animals and plants, but more similar to friendships...

Abstain from the use of AI's environmental destructiveness and brainrotting sycophanty, and create a giant bunny in your head.

So, obligated to live as I am, I will. Do I not want to be selfish, simply for the sake of not seeing myself as a selfish person? Part of it. Not most of it though I think.

My life is valuable not because I am exceptionally talented or intelligent, but because living itself is potential to change things. In that, all humans can be valuable. Death itself can also be viewed as a resource not to be squandered on simple suicide.

Suicide (for reasons related to my own pain, and others', and me taking on others' pain) would be getting rid of a valuable resource. Selfish, evil. And yet it comes to mind.

"Complicit" describes the self when I am focused on my OWN pain or happiness. Even right now as I type this, I could be using this to do something better. No, I am not flawless myself. I wish I was. But I am not.

I do not like taking a negative view of things but how am I not supposed to? Isn't that simply reality? And if I turn a blind eye or try to ignore it, that's complicity.