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unholycrows.bsky.social
Unholy Crows
@unholycrows.bsky.social
32 followers 13 following 100 posts
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unholycrows.bsky.social
Mary was actually Italian 🤌
Virgin and child at The Met Cloisters Close up of the pinched had of Virgin and child at The Met Cloisters
December 26, 2025 at 9:26 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
New favorite headstone
A black granite headstone for family Curtis featuring an engraved tableau of a beach scene with a lighthouse, comet, stallion and full moon.
December 26, 2025 at 3:05 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Who wore it better?
A Mazda half covered in snow. Thor Rixon with half of his beard and hair shaved.
December 3, 2025 at 2:55 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
I chart my own path
Two fingers of KitKat chocolate with a bite taken out of both while they’re still joined. Like some sort of feral beast.
November 14, 2025 at 7:44 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
And that’s why you don’t have bean quesadillas two meals in a row
An iPhone notification about high winds near your location.
November 4, 2025 at 5:51 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
I want a Spotify inbox about as much as I want a shared photo album with my nemesis’s proctologist
A screenshot of a Spotify pop-up that reads, “Ready to use Messages? By messaging friends on Spotify, you agree to let them send messages back to you. Let’s go.” Along with some excruciatingly dull and uncool fine print about reviewing reported messages if they conflict with Ts&Cs.
September 23, 2025 at 7:35 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Please god, let’s not
A bumper sticker that reads, “Normalize Nu Metal”
August 30, 2025 at 10:51 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
That cafe wasn't as good as you thought it was
A picture of a jacket with a logo for "Gaslight Cafe" on the back of it
August 27, 2025 at 1:48 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Wonder what it's studying?
A screenshot of a Facebook Marketplace ad with a picture of a trombone and text below it that reads: "$80 Student Trombone."
August 21, 2025 at 12:07 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Eat the super rich
A tub of Stewart’s Super Rich Mint Cookie Crumble Ice Cream viewed from above. Is it my best work? No. Is it Stewart’s best ice cream? Also no. But it’s up there pal. Right up there with the best.
July 21, 2025 at 12:33 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Who says Canada has no culture?
A children’s board book entitled “H is for Hockey” A mug that reads “Official Bird of Canada, The Mosquito” with a large illustrated mosquito on it The book Curling for Dummies An inflatable river tube that resembles a moose
July 13, 2025 at 12:05 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Try more ways to piss the fuck off, Google
A screenshot of a Google search on an iPhone in Safari. At the top of the screen there’s a call to sign in. A pop up says “Try more ways to search in the Google App. Search with your voice, camera, and more.” Beneath it are two buttons: “Stay in browser” and “Continue” which is highlighted. Goddamnit I hate dark patterns. Remember when the internet didn’t suck and Google was actually useful? Me neither. Okay, just barely. But it fades with every shitty interaction like this.
July 10, 2025 at 11:10 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
And that’s why you don’t keep the diaper cream next to the toothpaste
A tube of diaper cream next to a tube of toothpaste on a bathroom counter with a toothbrush. Both tubes are seen from behind and it’s hard to tell them apart at a glance. They look hella similar on the brush, too, dear reader. It’s the sort of mistake one only makes twice.
July 1, 2025 at 2:55 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Gross if literal
A bottle of Steers-branded Money Gland Sauce
June 27, 2025 at 1:18 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
I like my scrotums like I like my oatmilk
A carton of Planet Oat Oatmilk with the phrase “Velvety & Smooth” printed above the brand name. The trick, I believe, is to treat the scrotum like you would a canvas and stretch it to reduce the odds of any nicks.
June 21, 2025 at 3:45 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
*Takes a long drag of a cigarette*
Michael and Ikeael? Yeah, I knew ‘em. Back before fame and fortune changed ‘em.
A box of Mike and Ike "Jolly Joes" candies on a shelf in a store. The author has never tried these.
June 20, 2025 at 6:29 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
The three Ls
A black t-shirt with LIVE LAUGH LOVE printed on it in the sort of typeface usually reserved for metal bands 🤘
June 20, 2025 at 1:38 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
“Mine isn’t so much a question as it is a thought I just had.”
Norman Rockwell image of a man standing, presumably at a town hall or similar
June 20, 2025 at 12:48 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
“Contains NO drugs. This is ART.”
A framed picture of a man in white sunglasses and a white dress suit on a background of miniatures of the same. The picture is printed on a blotter sheet of the sort used for LSD. A closeup of the slicker on the edge of the same image that reads: “VENDOR #96. Max. Headroom. LSD Blotter Art. Beautiful sheet of 900 squares. NOT for squares. Contains NO drugs. This is ART. Framed. $45.00”
June 18, 2025 at 6:37 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Where I’m at mentally
A fire engine on fire inside a building. Outside the building there’s a sign that reads “National City Police and Fire Department” and a Dr Pepper vending machine. Did you know Dr P originated in Texas? I only learned this recently. Is it the state’s sole redeeming feature?
June 17, 2025 at 3:34 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Wake up babe, new aesthetic just dropped
Copy of an orange book entitled “Lassie and the Shabby Sheik” with an illustrated picture of Lassie on the cover.
June 17, 2025 at 11:45 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Portrait of a man and his five stackable lion cock rings
Five lion napkin rings on a shelf in an antique store in front of a black and white portrait of a mustachioed man in an oval wooden picture frame.
June 16, 2025 at 11:19 AM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Found the perfect housewarming present for your new place
The most horrendous doll/piece of bad art you’ve ever seen. Three buck teeth. Blind wig. Snake-like marble eyes. Head only mounted like a deer trophy on some chicken wire and board. Truly terrifying. Should come with an age limit to view.
June 15, 2025 at 11:35 PM
unholycrows.bsky.social
Sure, drugs are a rush, but have you tried turning off Apple Intelligence?
A screenshot of Apple Intelligence being turned off in iPhone settings
June 11, 2025 at 8:06 PM