ultmt
ultmt.bsky.social
ultmt
@ultmt.bsky.social
high-impact digital raccoon
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing to learn the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart technique." - Edmund Burke-sensei
July 6, 2025 at 9:42 AM
They should make a keyboard for writers with eyes and articulated mouth, so whenever you pause writing due to writer's block and just sit there, it stares at you and occasionally licks its lips.
July 4, 2025 at 10:07 AM
WILF: Will I'd like to Ferrell
July 2, 2025 at 5:53 PM
We've always lived in the Torment Nexus.
June 29, 2025 at 1:54 PM
The latest patch for Death Stranding: Director's Cut now enables players to start peeing in DS1, close the application and finish in DS2. "Despite different executables, it's the exact same pee." - commented game designer Hideo Kojima. "Pee perseveres".
June 28, 2025 at 1:42 PM
I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that Nintendo could fix the timeline by releasing a translucent purple Switch 2
June 27, 2025 at 3:14 PM
- Sweet dreams are made of this *raises hands holding fistfuls of what looks to be spaghetti coated in shaving cream, sauce slowly being pushed out and dripping from between clenched fingers*
June 26, 2025 at 7:39 AM
The best home defense is a good home offence.
June 25, 2025 at 8:25 AM
Tony Hawk's All Quiet on the Western Front
June 22, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Beach body is ready

(It's the beach that makes you fat, from M. Night Shyamalan's movie Fat)
June 21, 2025 at 4:02 PM
(Hypothesized, likely lost) Jaw
Jaws
Jaws 3D
Jaws: Resurrection
Jaws vs. Truck from Duel
Jaws vs. Truck from Duel 2
June 20, 2025 at 11:33 AM
In the latest issue of Action Comics Lex Luthor finally decides to send kryptonite to a lab for analysis and is shocked to find that its chemical composition is 100% identical to Wisconsin-made Gorgonzola cheese.
June 19, 2025 at 2:11 PM
Death Stranding 2. Sam Bridges now has 2 babies. They are going to the beach.
June 18, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Where was Waldo on January 6th?
June 17, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Imagine the cultural whiplash of someone who'd only seen modern rebooted Evil Dead/Evil Dead Rise and is then shown Army of Darkness.
June 16, 2025 at 4:43 AM
The abundance of dungeons in D&D, and peculiarities of designs thereof raise some uncomfortable questions about the 10-foot pole lobby (AKA The Big Pole)
June 15, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Leaked script for Predator: Badlands reveals surprise final confrontation with Chris Hansen.
June 14, 2025 at 3:44 PM
UH-60 Black Hawk lands on the riverbank, sending ripples across the surface.
A lone figure, facing away fly-fishing, knee-deep in the water, doesn't turn.
A man disembarks the helicopter, walks up to the waterline.
- You're a hard man to find, Mr. Moranis.
A figure turns:
- Not hard enough, Mel.
June 13, 2025 at 4:18 PM
John Wick, but he has Anton Chigurh's haircut.
June 12, 2025 at 5:58 AM
I would know if someone was a dog, on the Internet.
June 11, 2025 at 5:20 AM
My favorite genre of last names is the one that attributes different qualities to ham: Blackham, Cunningham, Oldham, Buckingham, Willingham, Topham. They teach us a lot about what primordial hams were like.
June 10, 2025 at 5:17 AM
People who haven't actually seen A Few Good Men don't know that when Jack Nicholson says 'You can't handle the truth!' he's talking about the fact that the closest other thing we have to Kingdom Hearts is Def Jam Vendetta.
June 9, 2025 at 9:00 AM
Mario
Mario 2 (Road Wario)
Mario Beyond Electrodome
Mario: Rainbow Road
Peach: a Mario Saga
June 8, 2025 at 5:27 PM
The original draft of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics was set in Florida and instead of Italian Renaissance artists their names were based on Gatorade flavors: Red One, Blue One, Orange One and Fierce Grape.
June 7, 2025 at 1:51 PM
Exclusive scoop: Yoshi's Island *is* Epstein island.
June 6, 2025 at 7:00 AM