buster hawthorne
@tummlord.bsky.social
my life is nothing i thought it should be and everything i was worried it would become because for 50 seconds i thought there was monsters on the world
Pinned
buster hawthorne
@tummlord.bsky.social
· Jul 22
Pile - "The Soft Hands of Stephen Miller" (Official Video)
YouTube video by explodinginsound
youtu.be
The Soft Hands of Stephen Miller
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession
January 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Trump Issues Executive Order Reversing All Vasectomies https://theonion.com/trump-issues-executive-order-reversing-all-vasectomies/
December 29, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Trump Issues Executive Order Reversing All Vasectomies https://theonion.com/trump-issues-executive-order-reversing-all-vasectomies/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere https://theonion.com/numerous-teams-express-interest-in-aaron-rodgers-playing-elsewhere/
December 22, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere https://theonion.com/numerous-teams-express-interest-in-aaron-rodgers-playing-elsewhere/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke
December 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Japanese Monk Racks
Brain For Haiku That Will Knock
Them On Their Asses
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
Brain For Haiku That Will Knock
Them On Their Asses
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
December 9, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Japanese Monk Racks
Brain For Haiku That Will Knock
Them On Their Asses
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
Brain For Haiku That Will Knock
Them On Their Asses
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Just Six Corporations Remain https://theonion.com/just-six-corporations-remain-1819564741/
December 5, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Just Six Corporations Remain https://theonion.com/just-six-corporations-remain-1819564741/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi
RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi
WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dispel rumors of an affair during the 2024 presidential campaign, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a press conference Monday during which he d...
theonion.com
November 30, 2025 at 7:00 PM
RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi
Reposted by buster hawthorne
RFK Jr. Fires Piss Czar https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-fires-piss-czar/
November 16, 2025 at 9:00 PM
RFK Jr. Fires Piss Czar https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-fires-piss-czar/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Breaking: The Darkness Returns
Breaking: The Darkness Returns
WASHINGTON—With deep unease and outright horror haunting millions of Americans as a great shroud enveloped the land, late-breaking reports confirmed Monday that the darkness had returned. Bystanders f...
theonion.com
November 3, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Breaking: The Darkness Returns
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’
November 3, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’
Reposted by buster hawthorne
You Can Just Push Shit In Back Seat Out Of Way
October 5, 2025 at 7:00 PM
You Can Just Push Shit In Back Seat Out Of Way
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Family Watches In Silence As Dad Checks Out Waitress https://theonion.com/family-watches-in-silence-as-dad-checks-out-waitress-1819575716/
October 6, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Family Watches In Silence As Dad Checks Out Waitress https://theonion.com/family-watches-in-silence-as-dad-checks-out-waitress-1819575716/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Zohran Mamdani Refuses To Share Plan For Making Rich Richer
Zohran Mamdani Refuses To Share Plan For Making Rich Richer
NEW YORK—Casting doubt on the mayoral candidate’s ability to effectively carry out the duties of the office, critics assailed New York State Rep. Zohran Mamdani Friday for refusing to share his plan t...
theonion.com
October 17, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Zohran Mamdani Refuses To Share Plan For Making Rich Richer
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Study Finds Voices Should Sound Normal Through Walkie-Talkies By Now https://theonion.com/study-finds-voices-should-sound-normal-through-walkie-talkies-by-now/
October 15, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Study Finds Voices Should Sound Normal Through Walkie-Talkies By Now https://theonion.com/study-finds-voices-should-sound-normal-through-walkie-talkies-by-now/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Biologists Announce There Absolutely Nothing We Can Learn From Clams https://theonion.com/biologists-announce-there-absolutely-nothing-we-can-learn-from-clams/
October 16, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Biologists Announce There Absolutely Nothing We Can Learn From Clams https://theonion.com/biologists-announce-there-absolutely-nothing-we-can-learn-from-clams/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
October 13, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Trump Asks JD Vance To Research Whether President Allowed To Kill Vice President
Trump Asks JD Vance To Research Whether President Allowed To Kill Vice President
WASHINGTON—Calling him “the best man for the job,” President Donald Trump reportedly asked JD Vance Thursday to research whether the president was allowed to kill the vice president. “I mean, Article ...
theonion.com
October 4, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Trump Asks JD Vance To Research Whether President Allowed To Kill Vice President
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Physical Media Collector Pumped For Downfall Of Humanity
Physical Media Collector Pumped For Downfall Of Humanity
MESA, AZ—Gleefully describing the inevitable day when society would collapse and digital files would become unusable, local physical media collector David Campbell confirmed Wednesday he was “absolute...
theonion.com
October 4, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Physical Media Collector Pumped For Downfall Of Humanity
Reposted by buster hawthorne
New Study Shows That Bones Are Incredibly Cool
October 5, 2025 at 5:01 PM
New Study Shows That Bones Are Incredibly Cool
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals
Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals
QUANTICO, VA—Racking his brain for answers as he gazed out at the high-ranking officers gathered before him, a visibly hungover Pete Hegseth reportedly struggled Tuesday to remember exactly how he end...
theonion.com
October 5, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals
Reposted by buster hawthorne
‘You Think You Can Talk About Our Dad That Way?’ Scream Trump Boys, Beating TV With Bat https://theonion.com/you-think-you-can-talk-about-our-dad-that-way-scream-trump-boys-beating-tv-with-bat/
September 24, 2025 at 4:06 PM
‘You Think You Can Talk About Our Dad That Way?’ Scream Trump Boys, Beating TV With Bat https://theonion.com/you-think-you-can-talk-about-our-dad-that-way-scream-trump-boys-beating-tv-with-bat/
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall
September 23, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk
Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk
NEW YORK—Insisting your fate was sealed the moment you clicked the link, a report released Tuesday found that you will be fired for reading this headline about Charlie Kirk. “Shortly after you navigat...
theonion.com
September 16, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk
Reposted by buster hawthorne
Study Shows Benefits Of Skin-To-Skin Contact Between New Players, Coaches
Study Shows Benefits Of Skin-To-Skin Contact Between New Players, Coaches
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Describing the practice as “vital to player development,” researchers at Harvard University published a study Monday that shows immediate skin-to-skin contact between NFL coaches and new...
theonion.com
September 15, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Study Shows Benefits Of Skin-To-Skin Contact Between New Players, Coaches