And goddamn do I see the exhaustion on my family's faces..

So I've been behaving as much as I can, if I constrict myself to a corner and follow my routines then there's less risk of me fucking up somehow

Like how do I know I'm not being abusive to people? How do I know I won't hold them over my own unstable sanity? I may be crazy but I'm still somewhat aware that I have the anxiety over making someone worry about me if I decide to run off like a lunatic again ksndkcndbwwb

In fact I think of days where I've been trying to mentally preparing myself that I will die in a fucked up way/situation in the future somehow because I know the older I get the less control I have over my brain because I'm losing my motor controls

There was even a flasher around the area I worked at and randomly one working day, I took my scissors and went out on a manhunt for the guy lol it failed of course because my scopophobia was stronger than my mania so nothing happened

It's a funny embarrassing story I tell to people when they asked me what crazy bipolar experiences I went through but I have other stories like eating cigarettes butts & roadkill (cooked dw), running around in the rain bare feet and even crashing out at my office because I thought I was going blind

And with pictures all up and stuff, then I passed out and woke up the next morning with 5 old men trying message me hh hh h I panicked that I immediately deleted the account when I sobered up after I took my anti depressants CRAZY what bipolar mania do to you bro

[01/21 Update]
➤ Delivered Cl. M req #3 (14th) - Pending Feedback
➤ Delivered Batch 3 for Cl. V
➤ Delivered all asset (project LUB) for Cl. V - 20th (all Approved)
➤ Cl. M request #5 - Due 28th
➤ Commercial deadlines : 1 | VGen backlog: 4

FINALLY.... I CAN SLEEp.......

Save him from perverts!!!!!!

Like i know it's a seasonal thing now like winter anime, summer anime blah blah but it used to be half part for winter and half part for summer so you get special holiday episodes, maybe i'm too slow at consuming media that I don't latch onto things just for a season worth of the year..

I was watching Blood+ since last year because it ran for over 50 episodes and it struck me how anime used to run THAT long even as an original GOD SOMEONE HAS TO FIGURE OUT A BETTER PRODUCTION MATHS BY NOW.........

Oh word I didn't even noticed they changed the director lol that explains it but at the same time I worry because we have like about a hundred chapters worth of arc to go through in less than 10 more episode so the pacing is gonna jump up without proper build up again

Giving myself serotonin toxicity because I'm too anxious and too emotionally unstable to be functional kandbdzkneehw

Like literally one minute I'm watching TV and then the next minute I'm stressing over having to do funeral arrangements for my mother because I'm too ill equipped to be handling it (she is well and healthy), wtf kinda anxiety is this

I don't even own a car but I was told it's still important insurance to have because I do have a driver's license... I paying off 3 different insurance monthly (I want to dieee