I can tell that I’m heading into my thirties as deweeding and sweeping the back deck of my new apartment has been one of the most satisfying things I’ve done all year.

NYPD officer writing up a report of the evidence so far:

Booty tight so my farts loud asfff

Took a huge dump and now heading to Waffle House… this is why god created sundays

I am a king gizzard and the lizard wizard stan after tonight

My first skeet about micheladas and it’s to tell everyone they’re the greatest beverage on earth

Even when i have a child, Gary will always be my first born

Attempting (another) sourdough starter so i can try and make a loaf for thanksgiving… good vibes and advice appreciated

First photo post obviously dedicated to my angels

I’ve been getting really into fitness and wellness recently but I’ve still not reached the “cold plunge” level and I’m not sure i ever will

This reminds me of the dozens of times i was suspended from twitter and had to re-find all my mutuals again