My dog started wagging his tail as I sat down next to him. I thought it was from excitement to snuggle but I am suspicious it was from his joy at cutting a rancid fart

Somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon.

I'd never heard of such a thing.

Whenever I get too upset about the terrible weather in NYC I look up the weather where my dad and sister live in the Midwest to cheer up

Happy New Year, friends! Remember: That which does not kill us wins reelection and tries again.

Be vigilant and keep a good humor about your every day and spread laughter and good will. It’s the best inoculation against autocracy and idiocy.

O Library, O Library! How lovely are your branches

Writing is an act of rebellion.
Writing is an act of creation.
Writing is an act of salvation.
Writing is an act of exploration.
Writing is an act of emotion.
Writing is an act of confession.
Writing is an act of speculation.
Writing is an act of reflection.
Keep writing.

I ask my dog who my best friend is 80 times a day. He recently started wagging his tail and snuggling against me to demand pets in response. It’s hell out there since the world is a searing hot mess but in here we’re a secure lil family and that’s a win I’ll take

I can find no flaw in this proposal

I do not believe that men think about the Roman Empire every day. If they did they would have seen the warning signs of America’s fall for decades and wouldn’t have ushered in its end so decisively