Topper
@topperuk.bsky.social
Unseen in the background, fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
CPO, music, art, dogs, whisky, books, ChelseaFC - A tosspot.
CPO, music, art, dogs, whisky, books, ChelseaFC - A tosspot.
I've got a pair of very tight rubber gloves to give away, if anybody wants to take them off my hands.
November 27, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I've got a pair of very tight rubber gloves to give away, if anybody wants to take them off my hands.
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons into their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
But cases continue to rise.
November 27, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons into their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
But cases continue to rise.
Can someone please help me out of the bottom half of this gherkin costume?
I'm in a bit of a pickle.
I'm in a bit of a pickle.
November 27, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Can someone please help me out of the bottom half of this gherkin costume?
I'm in a bit of a pickle.
I'm in a bit of a pickle.
How do you stop bacon curling in the pan?
Take away its little brooms.
Take away its little brooms.
November 27, 2025 at 3:10 PM
How do you stop bacon curling in the pan?
Take away its little brooms.
Take away its little brooms.
November 27, 2025 at 1:49 PM
I knew a bloke who had an irrational fear of buffets.
He couldn't help himself.
He couldn't help himself.
November 25, 2025 at 10:04 AM
I knew a bloke who had an irrational fear of buffets.
He couldn't help himself.
He couldn't help himself.
Just popping out to LIDL, or 50-1-500-50 as the Romans called it.
November 25, 2025 at 9:46 AM
Just popping out to LIDL, or 50-1-500-50 as the Romans called it.
I've just invented an invisible aeroplane, though I can't see it taking off.
November 25, 2025 at 9:24 AM
I've just invented an invisible aeroplane, though I can't see it taking off.
My wife and I had a horse-drawn wedding.
It was a disaster. We should have just hired a photographer.
It was a disaster. We should have just hired a photographer.
November 24, 2025 at 5:03 PM
My wife and I had a horse-drawn wedding.
It was a disaster. We should have just hired a photographer.
It was a disaster. We should have just hired a photographer.
Hands up if you can't follow instructions.
November 24, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Hands up if you can't follow instructions.
Oh, what a coincidence that the colour of the sky just * happens * to be called sky blue.
November 24, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Oh, what a coincidence that the colour of the sky just * happens * to be called sky blue.
There was chap in the pub last night who said he played rugby for Wasps.
I think if it was me, I'd have preferred a salary.
I think if it was me, I'd have preferred a salary.
November 24, 2025 at 1:24 PM
There was chap in the pub last night who said he played rugby for Wasps.
I think if it was me, I'd have preferred a salary.
I think if it was me, I'd have preferred a salary.
I’ve just eaten a fun-sized crunchie wrapped in bacon followed by a mini fudge with a slice of ham.
Disgusting.
Whoever said you shouldn’t meat your Heroes was right.
Disgusting.
Whoever said you shouldn’t meat your Heroes was right.
November 24, 2025 at 11:47 AM
I’ve just eaten a fun-sized crunchie wrapped in bacon followed by a mini fudge with a slice of ham.
Disgusting.
Whoever said you shouldn’t meat your Heroes was right.
Disgusting.
Whoever said you shouldn’t meat your Heroes was right.
I strained my calf today.
Best stock ever.
Best stock ever.
November 24, 2025 at 9:56 AM
I strained my calf today.
Best stock ever.
Best stock ever.
Last year was a sad year for my family. Last year my mum should’ve been celebrating her 70th birthday...
...but because of drugs, alcohol and other terrible decisions...we all forgot.
...but because of drugs, alcohol and other terrible decisions...we all forgot.
November 24, 2025 at 9:55 AM
Last year was a sad year for my family. Last year my mum should’ve been celebrating her 70th birthday...
...but because of drugs, alcohol and other terrible decisions...we all forgot.
...but because of drugs, alcohol and other terrible decisions...we all forgot.
Today's moderately interesting #Fact: Chevy Chase was in the band that became Steely Dan.
He left because he didn’t think they would go on to be anything.
As it happens, they went on to be dull and boring.
He left because he didn’t think they would go on to be anything.
As it happens, they went on to be dull and boring.
November 24, 2025 at 9:38 AM
Today's moderately interesting #Fact: Chevy Chase was in the band that became Steely Dan.
He left because he didn’t think they would go on to be anything.
As it happens, they went on to be dull and boring.
He left because he didn’t think they would go on to be anything.
As it happens, they went on to be dull and boring.
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were hard.
Times were hard.
November 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were hard.
Times were hard.
I've just angered a lot of the fishing community with my persistent bait wasting.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
November 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I've just angered a lot of the fishing community with my persistent bait wasting.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
If you have two middle names, you have no middle names.
November 21, 2025 at 3:47 PM
If you have two middle names, you have no middle names.
I wore a new shirt with the barcode still on it.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
November 21, 2025 at 12:25 PM
I wore a new shirt with the barcode still on it.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.