Topper
@topperuk.bsky.social
Unseen in the background, fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
CPO, music, art, dogs, whisky, books, ChelseaFC - A tosspot.
CPO, music, art, dogs, whisky, books, ChelseaFC - A tosspot.
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were hard.
Times were hard.
November 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were hard.
Times were hard.
I've just angered a lot of the fishing community with my persistent bait wasting.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
November 21, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I've just angered a lot of the fishing community with my persistent bait wasting.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
I seem to have opened a huge can of worms.
If you have two middle names, you have no middle names.
November 21, 2025 at 3:47 PM
If you have two middle names, you have no middle names.
I wore a new shirt with the barcode still on it.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
November 21, 2025 at 12:25 PM
I wore a new shirt with the barcode still on it.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
I was wondering why everyone kept checking me out.
I’d like to say congratulations to all the people asking me what my favourite Cliff Richard song is.
November 21, 2025 at 12:24 PM
I’d like to say congratulations to all the people asking me what my favourite Cliff Richard song is.
Cold, but the hounds love it.
November 20, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Cold, but the hounds love it.
Why was I such a bad travel agent?
Don’t even go there!
Don’t even go there!
November 20, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Why was I such a bad travel agent?
Don’t even go there!
Don’t even go there!
I ordered 24 ring binders.
They sent me a box of Imodium.
They sent me a box of Imodium.
November 20, 2025 at 5:43 PM
I ordered 24 ring binders.
They sent me a box of Imodium.
They sent me a box of Imodium.
My girlfriend and I decided we don’t want to have children.
We will be telling them tonight.
We will be telling them tonight.
November 20, 2025 at 5:42 PM
My girlfriend and I decided we don’t want to have children.
We will be telling them tonight.
We will be telling them tonight.
I love telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes, he even laughs.
Sometimes, he even laughs.
November 20, 2025 at 3:53 PM
I love telling Dad jokes.
Sometimes, he even laughs.
Sometimes, he even laughs.
Winter is here. Beef stew and dumplings.
November 19, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Winter is here. Beef stew and dumplings.
Pope Sixtus: ‘I’m leaving all the walls in my new church blank so nothing can distract me from my prayer. I want a pristine chapel.’
Michaelangelo: ‘Oh shit!’
Michaelangelo: ‘Oh shit!’
November 19, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Pope Sixtus: ‘I’m leaving all the walls in my new church blank so nothing can distract me from my prayer. I want a pristine chapel.’
Michaelangelo: ‘Oh shit!’
Michaelangelo: ‘Oh shit!’
Why should you never use your left hand to clean your teeth?
Because you should use a toothbrush.
Because you should use a toothbrush.
November 19, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Why should you never use your left hand to clean your teeth?
Because you should use a toothbrush.
Because you should use a toothbrush.
Is it spelt "dyed" or "died"?
Either way, I'm afraid your cat is a different colour. And not alive.
Either way, I'm afraid your cat is a different colour. And not alive.
November 19, 2025 at 10:48 AM
Is it spelt "dyed" or "died"?
Either way, I'm afraid your cat is a different colour. And not alive.
Either way, I'm afraid your cat is a different colour. And not alive.
Well, you know, East Anglia is not too shabby.
November 18, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Well, you know, East Anglia is not too shabby.
November 18, 2025 at 2:06 PM
There has been some good news for the burglar who fell inside a combine harvester while on the run last week. His family said he’ll soon be out on bale.
November 18, 2025 at 1:45 PM
There has been some good news for the burglar who fell inside a combine harvester while on the run last week. His family said he’ll soon be out on bale.
Brian Wilson must have had some bloody weird-sounding pets.
November 18, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Brian Wilson must have had some bloody weird-sounding pets.
Superman had good feet because he always wore Clark's shoes.
November 18, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Superman had good feet because he always wore Clark's shoes.
My girlfriend and I can’t agree on appropriate gardening attire.
She is digging in her heels.
She is digging in her heels.
November 17, 2025 at 5:04 PM
My girlfriend and I can’t agree on appropriate gardening attire.
She is digging in her heels.
She is digging in her heels.