Introducing Rainbow Crunch—the cereal bursting with colors not found in nature and vitamins your body can’t pronounce.

Because nothing says childhood wellness like neon dye and 38g of sweet, crunchy denial.

#RainbowCrunch #BreakfastLies #Healthwashed #ArtificiallyEnlightened #SatireCereal

From the flavor labs of McDonald’s comes the McGravy Shake—where milkshake meets meat drippings in a bold, beverage experience.

It’s not a drink. It’s a dare.

Because when your dessert has gravy in it… you’ve already given up.

#McGravyShake #FastFoodFail

Infused with matcha-scented intentions and sea salt blessed by moonlight, this “cleanse” promises clarity, balance, and just enough trans fats to realign your chakras sideways.

Because in today’s world, wellness is whatever the label says it is.

With 800 calories of pure holiday spirit in every cup, it’s the feast you never asked for, now available in Tall, Grande, and Gobble size. Only at Starbucks*.

*Not really. Please don’t ask for it.

#TurkeyGravyLatte #StarbucksParody #800CaloriesOfLove #FakeDrinkRealRegret #StuffedNotStirred

Did you know that you can count calories by texting ?

#tomatosms #caloriecounting #weightloss #HealthyLiving #weightlosshelp