I want someone to think this through with me. Someone who will share in my struggles. Neither of us wants to change our surname. I need information on frameworks for discussion and guidance on how to approach this issue.

There is no shortage of information about the complexity of official procedures or misunderstandings from those around us. But, what I truly wish to know is how such a change might negatively affect my fiancé and me in our specific circumstances, and what kinds of problems we might encounter.

In this country, only couples who have navigated the surname issue relatively smoothly are ever held up as examples. The difficulty of choosing a surname has, in some ways, become a reminder to others of a marriage that might already be destined to fail.

The current legal system is unlikely to change anytime soon. My fiancé and I must take it upon ourselves to choose a surname.

It is better to make a decision to be satisfied with the current system than to expect the system to change.