The Woke-Files
@thewokefiles.bsky.social
Here to uncover and report what definitely isn’t happening. Saving America from fake conspiracy theories by inventing better ones. The truth is out there - this isn’t it.
Run by @hallkyle.bsky.social
Run by @hallkyle.bsky.social
🚨we've just been informed that after sending this, Donald Trump tripped and thousands of Russian rubles came spilling out of his suit jacket. When asked about it later by the Press, he responded "the rubles that fell out of my jacket belong to Biden and the radical left".
May 27, 2025 at 4:45 PM
🚨we've just been informed that after sending this, Donald Trump tripped and thousands of Russian rubles came spilling out of his suit jacket. When asked about it later by the Press, he responded "the rubles that fell out of my jacket belong to Biden and the radical left".
BREAKING: Our insider within the White House has confirmed Donald Trump has taken to the Presidential bedroom and is playing “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt as loudly as he can.
May 27, 2025 at 4:40 PM
BREAKING: Our insider within the White House has confirmed Donald Trump has taken to the Presidential bedroom and is playing “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt as loudly as he can.
🚨Our insider within the press corp advised after the briefing, Draco Malfoy had a meeting with RJK Jr. to discuss his concerns about Hogwarts’ water being tainted with “mudblood hormones”.
April 29, 2025 at 6:03 PM
🚨Our insider within the press corp advised after the briefing, Draco Malfoy had a meeting with RJK Jr. to discuss his concerns about Hogwarts’ water being tainted with “mudblood hormones”.
🚨BREAKING🚨Johnson caught on hot mic prepping other House Republicans on new lie to push that “Joe Biden was the one responsible for the illegal deportations to El Salvador”.
April 29, 2025 at 4:20 PM
🚨BREAKING🚨Johnson caught on hot mic prepping other House Republicans on new lie to push that “Joe Biden was the one responsible for the illegal deportations to El Salvador”.
🚨 We're learning JD Vance is also convinced the Biden Administration was responsible for trafficking weapons to Iran between 1981-1986
April 1, 2025 at 1:13 PM
🚨 We're learning JD Vance is also convinced the Biden Administration was responsible for trafficking weapons to Iran between 1981-1986
🚨 We've learned the state of Florida also plans to sue the makers of Reading Rainbow. Meanwhile, the MAGA response program "Flames of Freedom", a show for kids that burns piles of books while displaying Home Improvement reruns in the background, is set to debut Tuesday🚨
February 22, 2025 at 2:34 PM
🚨 We've learned the state of Florida also plans to sue the makers of Reading Rainbow. Meanwhile, the MAGA response program "Flames of Freedom", a show for kids that burns piles of books while displaying Home Improvement reruns in the background, is set to debut Tuesday🚨
🚨 We've learned the real reason these artists have gathered is to use Trump's Inauguration to announce their "Find Us in Your Nearest $5 CD bin at Walmart Tour". 🚨
January 14, 2025 at 9:39 PM
🚨 We've learned the real reason these artists have gathered is to use Trump's Inauguration to announce their "Find Us in Your Nearest $5 CD bin at Walmart Tour". 🚨
🚨🚨We have confirmed reports that Giuliani’s next plan is to wander 5th Avenue dress up like Baby New Year selling 100% all natural ‘Rudy-Milk’. The source of the milk remains unclear. #BabyRudy
December 24, 2024 at 7:01 PM
🚨🚨We have confirmed reports that Giuliani’s next plan is to wander 5th Avenue dress up like Baby New Year selling 100% all natural ‘Rudy-Milk’. The source of the milk remains unclear. #BabyRudy
🚨🚨Rumors swirling The House Ethics Committee chose to release the report to ensure Matt Gaetz has a horrible fucking Christmas. #NoGifts4Gaetz
December 23, 2024 at 7:40 PM
🚨🚨Rumors swirling The House Ethics Committee chose to release the report to ensure Matt Gaetz has a horrible fucking Christmas. #NoGifts4Gaetz
‼️🔔‼️ Rumor has it Trump made Herschel Walker ambassador to the Bahamas because he convinced Walker it’s a stepping stone to being the ‘Governor of the Caribbean.’
December 18, 2024 at 3:19 AM
‼️🔔‼️ Rumor has it Trump made Herschel Walker ambassador to the Bahamas because he convinced Walker it’s a stepping stone to being the ‘Governor of the Caribbean.’
🚨🚨Positive news coming from Democratic Leadership that their efforts to convince right-wing conspiracy theorists that major constellations are drones when in actuality they are sub orbital satellites tracking down their guns. #Slightofhand
December 18, 2024 at 1:28 AM
🚨🚨Positive news coming from Democratic Leadership that their efforts to convince right-wing conspiracy theorists that major constellations are drones when in actuality they are sub orbital satellites tracking down their guns. #Slightofhand
‼️‼️We can report that Walt Disney Companies Inc. has also announced the opening of “TRUMPISNEY WORLD” - a 40 acre plot located near Mar-a-Lago. Early reports indicate there will be no rides, just fast food stands and self tanner dispensers.
December 15, 2024 at 5:39 AM
‼️‼️We can report that Walt Disney Companies Inc. has also announced the opening of “TRUMPISNEY WORLD” - a 40 acre plot located near Mar-a-Lago. Early reports indicate there will be no rides, just fast food stands and self tanner dispensers.
🚨BREAKING🚨Our insider at ABC has confirmed the Trump Presidential Library won’t actually include any books. But will house all of Trump’s best insults written down on used McDonalds napkins.
December 15, 2024 at 5:11 AM
🚨BREAKING🚨Our insider at ABC has confirmed the Trump Presidential Library won’t actually include any books. But will house all of Trump’s best insults written down on used McDonalds napkins.
🚨🚨many believe JD Vance is actually a Tesla prototype designed to monitor Trump but somehow malfunctioned when he was placed near a brown leather sectional.
December 15, 2024 at 5:01 AM
🚨🚨many believe JD Vance is actually a Tesla prototype designed to monitor Trump but somehow malfunctioned when he was placed near a brown leather sectional.
‼️‼️We are now hearing Senior House staffers reporting that Mace has also appeared in a neck brace claiming she “felt something snap” when whipping her head around to yell obscenities at a trans activist. #MaceInABrace
December 12, 2024 at 12:44 AM
‼️‼️We are now hearing Senior House staffers reporting that Mace has also appeared in a neck brace claiming she “felt something snap” when whipping her head around to yell obscenities at a trans activist. #MaceInABrace
🚨🚨LEAKED DOCS show next CNN Poll: Most Americans expect Trump to personally fix climate change by yelling at clouds, and a majority approves of his handling of his transition to Führer so far🚨🚨
December 11, 2024 at 8:33 PM
🚨🚨LEAKED DOCS show next CNN Poll: Most Americans expect Trump to personally fix climate change by yelling at clouds, and a majority approves of his handling of his transition to Führer so far🚨🚨
🚨🔔Sources claim JD Vance is refusing to leave Mar-A-Lago without his new girlfriend - Socialite “Ralph Lauren Brook Street Tufted Sofa in Cafe Estate Leather”. It really looked nice in the foyer. #LetLoveLounge
December 11, 2024 at 8:13 PM
🚨🔔Sources claim JD Vance is refusing to leave Mar-A-Lago without his new girlfriend - Socialite “Ralph Lauren Brook Street Tufted Sofa in Cafe Estate Leather”. It really looked nice in the foyer. #LetLoveLounge