The Spork Witch 🦓🌈♿⚾
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thesporkwitch.bsky.social
The Spork Witch 🦓🌈♿⚾
@thesporkwitch.bsky.social
480 followers 260 following 320 posts
Magical lover of art, Mariners, creating things to help my communities & actively protesting against government Cheeto regimes. I'm Chaos. Join me. hEDS!
I also make 5⭐ Pain Dulling topicals for the fellow spoonies ✨🦓🧙🏼🌈♿
Website: www.thesporkwitch.com
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thesporkwitch.bsky.social
My Tuesday has been productive. #mariners
October 14, 2025 at 7:50 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
I don't want to go to Candy Mountain! 😩
Prednisone is the blue and pink unicorns and I'm Charlie the unicorn, who is grey. From the old cartoon of Charlie the Unicorn.
March 24, 2025 at 9:29 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Just so you know, I'll be making sure that the information about how this stuff is helping control pain, is all over feeds, this year. I'm manifesting it now. I will change more lives. I will support my family and I will make sure that anyone with allergies has the topical support they deserve.
The Spork Witch holding a Pain Dull Away Body Butter & Salve while they smile softly, but aggressively at the camera. Their head tilted to the left.
January 2, 2025 at 4:01 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social


One thing this year has taught me is that I'm incredibly powerful & fully capable on my own. Learning to love everything I am inside & outside has been a process I've always wanted to achieve but was worried I wouldn't.
Here's to more empowerment, self love & less self doubt!
Photo of the Spork Witch smiling, in front of their altar and work space that is covered in bright greens, pinks and supplies. There is a bright pink light in the shape of a bat. The Spork which is smiling with ice blond straight hair to the shoulders, rainbow holographic cat eye glasses, their hand under their chin and a black sweater on.
December 16, 2024 at 9:19 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
So apparently good men, who make an effort to create a bouquet with a small business, respect boundaries, and express how special you are, without alternative motives, aren't a myth?!
A colorful photo of pink roses, birds of paradise, yellow carnations, violets and gorgeous green foliage in a silver vase on an altar that is green. Surrounded by art, crystals and a pink bat LED light.
December 15, 2024 at 12:08 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
These reviews make my heart sing.
Pain Pain Dull Away Salve 5 star review from Allison Y. "I've gotten the forbidden whip version before and LOVE it, so I thought I'd try the salve. It works just as great as the whip for easing aches and pains, helping me heal and recover from spine surgery." www.thesporkwitch.com
December 7, 2024 at 1:43 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Jingle jangle mofos 💁🏼✨
Photo is of boots with tambourine pieces along the bottom of them. The words read Them: don't come back here with your bullshit Me: back on my bullshit but now with tamborlands
December 4, 2024 at 10:54 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
I don't want to become who I think I am Donna. You really don't want that.
WHY ARE THEY YELLING AT ME?! I feel so much pressure 😭
Some cards from a random box of random cards I got. They all come with a threatening energy. First says "WE become who we think WE are!" Second one says "ALWAYS believe in yourself." And the third says "Be GRATEFUL" And I just feel they are missing the "or else" at the end.
November 28, 2024 at 7:20 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
On Wednesdays we wear pink, support small business, ride unicorns & smash the patriarchy. Yee Haw!
The Spork Witch with an aggressive smile, holding their 5 star rated Pain Salve in one hand. With a black and red coffin shelf behind them that is 8 feet tall on the top shelf a crystal ball is shown on a black stand. And an apothecary shelf on their right with a want on it and a couple jars of flowers and herbs.
November 28, 2024 at 1:23 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn’t a selfie.
A collage of Yzma from Emperor's New Groove in various stages of expressions ranging from annoyed, happy and perplexed
November 27, 2024 at 11:19 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Terrible. Terrible news....🫠
Post by Jonathan Edward Durham. To anybody who thinks being self employed means you don't have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news
November 27, 2024 at 10:58 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
My new Paws Tarot deck is legitimately what I needed. The face of half the things in this deck is a WHOLE mood.
100 reposts or 100 comments & this will be the deck I use next for daily messages! 🥰 Thanks for the support!
Also reminder that the Pain Product sale is happening for a couple more days!
Shows a small pile of tarot cards that are bright and colorful. On the left is the hierophant which has a cat in a red robe, Infront of two castle towers. The cat is standing in front of two smaller cats who are sitting and a set of keys between them. Next is the sun card with a bright son with big lips in the sky and a white cat with a happy expression, riding a unicorn with a cowbell. This unicorn looks overwhelmed, but in a hilarious way. Last is the Knight of pentacles that is holding a coin and on the back of a black stallion with blue hair. The knight has a look of concentration and is slightly overwhelmed.
November 27, 2024 at 10:41 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
The good ol' days 🥲
When your friends ask if you wanna get drunk & go out whoring tonight. Under these words are three Barbies wearing pink & medals. On with blind hair. One with black hair and one with red hair. Under the Barbies it says "Jesus fawcking yellow penguins, yes"
November 25, 2024 at 4:38 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
✨STOCKING STUFFER✨
This isn't the best photo, but I was given such a great idea I had to share!
Now you can pick a mini perfume and mini lip butter (new scents to pick from!) for a mini stocking stuffer pack!! Pick from new lip butters, some that are event tinted & have shimmer! #stockingstuffer
Picture of a 3ml perfume bottle with a gold life & 3ml lip butter container with a black lid. Infront of a white box with shimmering paper in it
November 24, 2024 at 10:59 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
The beginning of my dating profile reads like a Hallmark movie.
Top of the About Me section on my dating profile reads: "I'm a witch, so I'll absolutely ask you for your birthday info & if you're lucky, for you to lay on a mysterious symbol, on a full moon. Totally normal stuff."
November 24, 2024 at 7:42 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Yay for Part 4 of Zodiac Signs as Tree Toppers, by me, The Spork Witch! In this part are the Water Signs #cancersign #scorpio #pisces
Cancer as a tree topper by The Spork Witch, shows a tree with a white background and Darth Vader as the tree topper, holding a red light saber. The words around it say: Home is equipped like a Death Star. Has one style. Sticks with it. Always prepared for a battle. Will cut your hand off if you don't listen to their parental like advice. Scorpio as a tree topper, by The Spork Witch, shows a light purple/grey dragon at the top of a tree, in a defensive roaring position of dominance and destruction. Underneath it are the words: "Don't start nothin & there won't be nothin." Protective of their shinies. Entire body is a weapon. Forgets their mouth is also a flame thrower, scares villagers off. Pisces as a tree topper, by The Spork Witch shows a movie popcorn container that is white and red striped, filled with popcorn at the top of the tree. Under it are the words: A filling snack. Smooth like butter. If not cautious while handled, could pop off in your face. Can be salty & addictive. Likes to watch the show.
November 24, 2024 at 6:58 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Yay for Part 3 of Zodiac Signs as Tree Toppers, by me! Next up, Air signs!
#gemini #libra #aquarius
Gemini as a tree topper, by The Spork Witch. It shows baby Yoda on top of a tree, reaching his hand out to levitate a green ornament, to signify that the force is being used on the ornament. Under are the words: Can literally crush you with their master minds. Speaks back asswards Too adorable to stay mad at. Looks innocent. Isn't. Libra as a Tree Topper, made by the Spork Witch. Shows a giant lit up Phoenix bird with a giant cascading tail, on top of a tree. It's bright red, orange and gold. There's sticks of gold glitter coming out under it. There's a window with black blinds behind it. The words underneath say: Magestic. "I'm not dramatic, you're just close-minded." *Random screeching* *Rebirth-Learn Lessons-Explode into Flames-Repeat. Aquarius as a tree topper by The Spork Witch. Shows a free on a white background, with a purple and blue planet as the tree topper. It has a ring like Saturn. The entire tree is celestial themed. Around it are the words: Outdoes others with their creativity. Accidentally draws people into their magnetic field. Is basically a ethereal unicorn. Space > people. Likes to stay in own orbiting radius. Hates trends, but sets trends.
November 24, 2024 at 6:51 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
So excited to share these to the good place!

Part 2 of #Zodiac Signs as Tree Toppers: Earth Signs #taurus #virgo #capricorn
Taurus as a tree topper, by the Spork Witch. Shows a tree in mid fall, with a WWE wrestling tree topper, bringing it to the ground. The background is white with a black bookshelf filled with books next to it. It has the words: "Look what I can do!" Two Modes: Going Hard or Knocked TF Out, Can always count on them to put on a good show. Enjoys making people proud, May hit you with a chair if you aren't paying attention to them, Taurus Virgo as a tree topper By The Spork Witch, shows a beautiful golden blown glass, simple but elegant, standing tall. The background is completely white. With the words: Beautifully put together, but could break at any moment. Only shows people the finished product, not the room full of panic attacks it took to get there. "I made it myself. " (Had idea mapped out for 3 months, forgot about it until 13 mins ago. Still nailed it.) "It's not a tree topper! It's a finial d'arbre!" Admired. Capricorn as a tree topper, by The Spork Witch. Creams and golds everywhere, including a well placed now, but literally no tree in site because the entire thing is just covered in elegant coordination, with the words around it. A beautiful explosion of luxury. You can look, but you can't touch. "What? this ol' thing? I just threw it together." Why pay someone to do something, when you can die of exhaustion, doing it yourself?
November 24, 2024 at 6:37 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Y'all have no idea how excited I am to share these here.

Part 1 of #Zodiac Signs As Tree Toppers: Fire Signs, #aries #leo #Sagittarius
Aries as a tree topper, by The Spork Witch shows a tree on fire: Warms everything around it. "But did you die?" Lights up every room it's in. Forgot to water the tree, but wanted to be helpful. Leo As a Tree Topper by The Spork Witch shows a giant tree, in a fancy hotel lobby, with its topper essentially an extremely giant and beautiful chandelier. Not it's fault people look up to it. "I am the tree." Lights the way for those they love, Will crush you if it's not connected correctly. Sagittarius as a tree topper by The Spork Witch shows a Travel tree topper with a large globe and golden leaves/compass sort of structure. The tree is elegant but also random & fun. There are the words: "Why pick one place when you can be all over the place?" Who needs directions when you have instinct? Solid, but doesn't know how it's holding itself together. Good luck trying to pack it into a traditional box.
November 24, 2024 at 6:14 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
A miniature Jaguar in its unnatural habitat, awoken by confusion.
*blep*
Houdini, the black cat, awoken, confused with his little blep tongue sticking out
November 24, 2024 at 4:51 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Well. This was the photo right before the theater called & let us know the bomb cyclone knocked out power and it's still not restored..so here's evidence I actually got dressed today.

Back to work I go I guess? Maybe I need a social life. 🤣 Where the good quality bearded singles at?
The Spork Witch taking a photo In front of their mirror wearing black leggings, a pink ruffle slip, black cropped sweater and black leather jacket. They also have cat eye black glasses and block hair.
November 23, 2024 at 9:11 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
Ok. Let's have the most important convo since Candy Corn.

Canned or homemade Cranberry Sauce?!

I prefer canned, hence why I created Let's Get Sauced Cranberry Body butter with Borage Oil for all of us itchy skinned menopausal witches out there. Also the inside is like the ridges of the can.
Top of the jar of the Spork Witch's Let's Get Sauced Cranberry Scent Forbidden Whipped Cream Body Butter. Self care is badass The top of the inside of the lets get sauced Cranberry Scented body butter made by the Spork Witch. It is a perfectly piped swirl with red shimmering "sauce" looking topping that goes between each swirl.
November 23, 2024 at 6:08 PM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
HEY YA! FRUIT LOOPS! Seriously tho. Anyone else wanna smell like fruit loops? I do. And lemme tell ya...this is quickly become a favorite of the Sporkies clan. Also it's Forbidden Whipped Cream. Do not eat. It's Forbidden. 🥰
thesporkwitch.com/products/wit...
Photo of perfectly piped body butter with a shimmering, neon green "sauce" around it Photo of the Spork Witch's Witch's Brew body butter. It says Smells like fruit loop, is not fruit Loops. Do not eat. It is forbidden.
November 23, 2024 at 3:46 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
If it ain't this. I don't want it. Let it be known that the chicken must be eaten with hands as well. 🥹👉🏼👈🏼
Cause I'd rather be single than settle.
A screenshot of a text message says: I love you I love you too. When are you taking your lunch? I would like to know if you want to eat a rotisserie chicken in my car with me.
November 23, 2024 at 12:28 AM
thesporkwitch.bsky.social
All my best selling Pain Dulling & STFU, 5⭐ Rated products are now $10 off EACH. Add as many as you want and automatically get the $10 each. This includes the Sponsorship program! 🫶 Thanks for supporting a disabled own momma business. Made for other #spoonies
www.thesporkwitch.com
Photo of a collage of all the Spork Witch products in their super sale happening. $10 off each item. Top left is the Pain Resolve oil, next to that is the STFU Brain salve, then the Forbidden Whipped Cream Pain Pain Dull Away Body Butter, then the Pain, Pain Dull Away Salve and the Forbidden Whipped Cream STFU Brain Body butter.
November 23, 2024 at 12:14 AM