Mmm antibacterial melon, nice and ripe

“LAUGHIN AND LYIN!”

“In 1933 I would have bravely, politely suggested we not put Hitler in power.”

Clean shaven Jesus, aka Sylvester Stallone screen test (statue test, I guess) for Todd Rundgren biopic

Fucking stupidest part of this is that he’s writing it WHILE LIVING IN THE SUPPOSEDLY BETTER WORLD WE BUILT LAST TIME

In 6th grade the girl I liked told me she liked me and I was sure it was a trick, so I said “I can’t think about that right now.” Her friend asked what I WAS thinking about, and I said, “Cars.”

Presumably it really was a trick? Hopefully? Let us bow our heads in prayer.

No Pepsi on the app yet so the pleasure of this introduction is all mine.

There’s a new flavor goop you can put on food:

nothing more pitiful than this shit

buy Sauvage ® Brand Desperate Late-Middle-Age Cosplay, everybody