Late-August heat is less weather, more class test. Linen collapses like weak resolve; martinis sweat democracy. #RuleOfSeason: Evaporate gracefully; never let the masses see you perspire.

September tuition arrives like a ransom note. Parents disguise trauma under charcuterie, yet still discuss GPAs. #RuleOfPayments: Curriculum chatter is vulgar unless it involves fencing, Greek tragedy, or cello.

Saying farewell to your yacht shouldn’t resemble a breakup. It’s an elegant retirement, not a tragedy. Thank the crew with envelopes, not tears, and toast as though christening her anew. #RuleOfPerformance: Sentimentality is gauche; envelopes are eternal.

Hurricanes are no excuse for poor hosting. Have a working generator and a cocktail shaker. Aunt Cordelia sustained forty stranded guests with gimlets and gossip. A storm party should be remembered for candlelight, not canned beans. #RuleOfGuests

Labor Day, a holiday for workers, ends our summer. Equality in linen storage is not equality. Retire seersucker with solemn toasts, not barbecue sauce. #RuleOfSeason: Treat Labor Day like a state funeral; the after-party belongs to us.

The truly elegant never vacation in July; that month is for tourists and interns. September belongs to those who know: serene Hamptons, affordable Europe, breathable Cape. #RuleOfSeason: Summer is theirs; September is ours.

January is for amateurs. September is the true new year: change your hair, hemline, and calendar font color. Tweed signals authority; corduroy is linen in witness protection. #RuleOfSeason: One does not go back in September. One relaunches.

September demands reinvention: Taylor has Showgirl, I have Charles exiled to the children’s table. Both are strategy, not accident. Read the September Rebrand before your linen creases. buff.ly/HR2r0NU

#RuleOfReinvention: Swift’s The Life of a Showgirl is proof of a timeless truth—alter the frame, not the portrait. My grandmother changed hers every decade; I change my martini garnish. Sequins or silver service, the goal is the same: keep them looking, never guessing.