Arabella Wetherford-Loxley
@theproperset.bsky.social
Lifestyle authority, etiquette columnist & satirist of the well-appointed life. Publisher of The Proper Set™: a modern society column on grace, ceremony & the delicious absurdities of old-world living.
Martinis for emergencies only.
Martinis for emergencies only.
Dinner parties in a heatwave are less hospitality than endurance sport. One must offer martinis colder than a Russian winter, flowers that refuse to swoon, and scandals hot enough to distract from the air itself. Remember: perspiration is never chic, but fainting with jewelry is timeless.
September 7, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Dinner parties in a heatwave are less hospitality than endurance sport. One must offer martinis colder than a Russian winter, flowers that refuse to swoon, and scandals hot enough to distract from the air itself. Remember: perspiration is never chic, but fainting with jewelry is timeless.
Europe’s heatwave wilts linen and legacy alike. In Venice, I saw a countess use a monogrammed fan like a metronome to stave off collapse. #RuleOfSeasons: If your pearls start to slip, reapply powder—never permission. Climate may boil, but society must simmer elegantly.
September 7, 2025 at 1:19 AM
Europe’s heatwave wilts linen and legacy alike. In Venice, I saw a countess use a monogrammed fan like a metronome to stave off collapse. #RuleOfSeasons: If your pearls start to slip, reapply powder—never permission. Climate may boil, but society must simmer elegantly.
A.I. girlfriends now exist: perfect, polite, and opinion-free. I once ghosted a suitor who butchered Shakespeare—only to have an AI recite it better. #RuleOfRomance: If you want affection minus attitude, date pixels. We prefer prose and personalities.
September 6, 2025 at 10:49 PM
A.I. girlfriends now exist: perfect, polite, and opinion-free. I once ghosted a suitor who butchered Shakespeare—only to have an AI recite it better. #RuleOfRomance: If you want affection minus attitude, date pixels. We prefer prose and personalities.
Back-to-school without children? A glorious ritual. Buy notebooks you will never sully, sip cider at dusk, and discuss tuition as though you were appraising Bordeaux vintages. Education may be called priceless, but only because no one dares speak the actual figure.
September 6, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Back-to-school without children? A glorious ritual. Buy notebooks you will never sully, sip cider at dusk, and discuss tuition as though you were appraising Bordeaux vintages. Education may be called priceless, but only because no one dares speak the actual figure.
The EU’s biometric entry updates remind me of hosting without place cards—ungraceful, unverified, and just this side of chaos. #RuleOfEntry: Politeness should be the passport. If you need a retina scan to feel welcome, perhaps you weren’t properly introduced.
September 6, 2025 at 6:02 PM
The EU’s biometric entry updates remind me of hosting without place cards—ungraceful, unverified, and just this side of chaos. #RuleOfEntry: Politeness should be the passport. If you need a retina scan to feel welcome, perhaps you weren’t properly introduced.
Shoulder pads return—and with them, the thrill of walking into a room like you own the deed. I once wore a velvet blazer so broad I was mistaken for the ambassador. I didn’t correct them. #RuleOfPower: Fashion should declare sovereignty, not request permission.
September 6, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Shoulder pads return—and with them, the thrill of walking into a room like you own the deed. I once wore a velvet blazer so broad I was mistaken for the ambassador. I didn’t correct them. #RuleOfPower: Fashion should declare sovereignty, not request permission.
Late-August heat is less weather, more class test. Linen collapses like weak resolve; martinis sweat democracy. #RuleOfSeason: Evaporate gracefully; never let the masses see you perspire.
September 6, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Late-August heat is less weather, more class test. Linen collapses like weak resolve; martinis sweat democracy. #RuleOfSeason: Evaporate gracefully; never let the masses see you perspire.
September tuition arrives like a ransom note. Parents disguise trauma under charcuterie, yet still discuss GPAs. #RuleOfPayments: Curriculum chatter is vulgar unless it involves fencing, Greek tragedy, or cello.
September 3, 2025 at 1:39 AM
September tuition arrives like a ransom note. Parents disguise trauma under charcuterie, yet still discuss GPAs. #RuleOfPayments: Curriculum chatter is vulgar unless it involves fencing, Greek tragedy, or cello.
Saying farewell to your yacht shouldn’t resemble a breakup. It’s an elegant retirement, not a tragedy. Thank the crew with envelopes, not tears, and toast as though christening her anew. #RuleOfPerformance: Sentimentality is gauche; envelopes are eternal.
September 3, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Saying farewell to your yacht shouldn’t resemble a breakup. It’s an elegant retirement, not a tragedy. Thank the crew with envelopes, not tears, and toast as though christening her anew. #RuleOfPerformance: Sentimentality is gauche; envelopes are eternal.
I once applauded a Cameron film so convincingly, the director embraced me. I was calculating how soon I could leave for oysters. #RuleOfPremieres: One must attend cultural events—if only to be seen being disinterested in them.
September 1, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I once applauded a Cameron film so convincingly, the director embraced me. I was calculating how soon I could leave for oysters. #RuleOfPremieres: One must attend cultural events—if only to be seen being disinterested in them.
Hurricanes are no excuse for poor hosting. Have a working generator and a cocktail shaker. Aunt Cordelia sustained forty stranded guests with gimlets and gossip. A storm party should be remembered for candlelight, not canned beans. #RuleOfGuests
August 31, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Hurricanes are no excuse for poor hosting. Have a working generator and a cocktail shaker. Aunt Cordelia sustained forty stranded guests with gimlets and gossip. A storm party should be remembered for candlelight, not canned beans. #RuleOfGuests
Labor Day, a holiday for workers, ends our summer. Equality in linen storage is not equality. Retire seersucker with solemn toasts, not barbecue sauce. #RuleOfSeason: Treat Labor Day like a state funeral; the after-party belongs to us.
August 31, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Labor Day, a holiday for workers, ends our summer. Equality in linen storage is not equality. Retire seersucker with solemn toasts, not barbecue sauce. #RuleOfSeason: Treat Labor Day like a state funeral; the after-party belongs to us.
Letter writing is back. I received five pages of apology for a delayed luncheon, written in copperplate and scented like regret. #RuleOfCorrespondence: If you must be late, at least let your apology be archival
August 31, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Letter writing is back. I received five pages of apology for a delayed luncheon, written in copperplate and scented like regret. #RuleOfCorrespondence: If you must be late, at least let your apology be archival
The truly elegant never vacation in July; that month is for tourists and interns. September belongs to those who know: serene Hamptons, affordable Europe, breathable Cape. #RuleOfSeason: Summer is theirs; September is ours.
August 31, 2025 at 1:19 AM
The truly elegant never vacation in July; that month is for tourists and interns. September belongs to those who know: serene Hamptons, affordable Europe, breathable Cape. #RuleOfSeason: Summer is theirs; September is ours.
Labor Day is a spectacle of leisure, not effort. One must be seen reclining beautifully while someone else ensures the hammock is hung, the spritz replenished, the ice refilled. To labor on Labor Day is to miss the point entirely. Idleness is the most radical act of solidarity.
August 30, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Labor Day is a spectacle of leisure, not effort. One must be seen reclining beautifully while someone else ensures the hammock is hung, the spritz replenished, the ice refilled. To labor on Labor Day is to miss the point entirely. Idleness is the most radical act of solidarity.
September is the only true New Year. Failures are rebranded as “research,” linen is dismissed as last season’s folly, and wool appears as though the climate were optional. Reinvention is not frivolous—it is our civic duty, performed annually, with better accessories.
August 30, 2025 at 7:08 PM
September is the only true New Year. Failures are rebranded as “research,” linen is dismissed as last season’s folly, and wool appears as though the climate were optional. Reinvention is not frivolous—it is our civic duty, performed annually, with better accessories.
January is for amateurs. September is the true new year: change your hair, hemline, and calendar font color. Tweed signals authority; corduroy is linen in witness protection. #RuleOfSeason: One does not go back in September. One relaunches.
August 30, 2025 at 6:02 PM
January is for amateurs. September is the true new year: change your hair, hemline, and calendar font color. Tweed signals authority; corduroy is linen in witness protection. #RuleOfSeason: One does not go back in September. One relaunches.
Beyoncé on a couture horse gave more grace than most ambassadors. I once wore a fascinator so large it shadowed a bishop. #RuleOfSpectacle: Enter the room like you’re launching a peace treaty—with sequins, symbolism, and silence that follows you down the hall.
August 30, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Beyoncé on a couture horse gave more grace than most ambassadors. I once wore a fascinator so large it shadowed a bishop. #RuleOfSpectacle: Enter the room like you’re launching a peace treaty—with sequins, symbolism, and silence that follows you down the hall.
Four weddings in one month is diplomacy disguised as matrimony. One must rotate hats as though brokering treaties, gift with irony, and sit nearest the exit in case speeches become hostile. Matrimony is their burden; champagne, mercifully, is ours.
August 30, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Four weddings in one month is diplomacy disguised as matrimony. One must rotate hats as though brokering treaties, gift with irony, and sit nearest the exit in case speeches become hostile. Matrimony is their burden; champagne, mercifully, is ours.
September demands reinvention: Taylor has Showgirl, I have Charles exiled to the children’s table. Both are strategy, not accident. Read the September Rebrand before your linen creases. buff.ly/HR2r0NU
August 27, 2025 at 1:39 AM
September demands reinvention: Taylor has Showgirl, I have Charles exiled to the children’s table. Both are strategy, not accident. Read the September Rebrand before your linen creases. buff.ly/HR2r0NU
The modern podcast is the latest in a long tradition of men explaining things at length. The most radical act is choosing when—and for whom—one speaks. My advice: reply warmly that you are 'taking a season away from public speaking,' then go reorganize your silver drawer. #AskArabella
August 27, 2025 at 12:39 AM
The modern podcast is the latest in a long tradition of men explaining things at length. The most radical act is choosing when—and for whom—one speaks. My advice: reply warmly that you are 'taking a season away from public speaking,' then go reorganize your silver drawer. #AskArabella
The tyranny of the telephone has replaced the tactile drama of a handwritten letter. My great-aunt once returned an email printed out, annotated in red, with a note: "This is not correspondence." Do you mourn the lost art of fine stationery, or have you fully succumbed to efficiency? #LostArts
August 25, 2025 at 9:17 PM
The tyranny of the telephone has replaced the tactile drama of a handwritten letter. My great-aunt once returned an email printed out, annotated in red, with a note: "This is not correspondence." Do you mourn the lost art of fine stationery, or have you fully succumbed to efficiency? #LostArts
A declined invitation could end a season entirely. The proper way? Respond within 24 hours with a regretful note, and send flowers to arrive before the event begins. A preemptive bouquet can soothe any hostess. Have you ever deployed this tactic? #ProperPerspective #SocialProtocol #Hostess
August 24, 2025 at 3:48 PM
A declined invitation could end a season entirely. The proper way? Respond within 24 hours with a regretful note, and send flowers to arrive before the event begins. A preemptive bouquet can soothe any hostess. Have you ever deployed this tactic? #ProperPerspective #SocialProtocol #Hostess
A hostess should never shoo guests—unless linen can do it. My embroidered napkins whisper, “We love you, darling, but the help has gone to bed.” #HostessWithTheMostess #PartyEtiquette
Please Leave by 9pm Embroidered Cocktail Napkins, Set of 4
I love you but I also need my beauty sleep. ❤️ For the hostess who’s warm, witty, and in bed by 9:30pm, this bestselling napkin set says what we’re all thinking — just in a very polite, embroidered…
buff.ly
August 24, 2025 at 2:41 PM
A hostess should never shoo guests—unless linen can do it. My embroidered napkins whisper, “We love you, darling, but the help has gone to bed.” #HostessWithTheMostess #PartyEtiquette
Handling a friend's conspiracy theories is like listening to an amateur harpsichordist: endure the performance, compliment the enthusiasm, and then change the subject to something equally dramatic yet verifiable, like the Dreyfus Affair. Hysteria isn't new, only better lit. #AskArabella
August 24, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Handling a friend's conspiracy theories is like listening to an amateur harpsichordist: endure the performance, compliment the enthusiasm, and then change the subject to something equally dramatic yet verifiable, like the Dreyfus Affair. Hysteria isn't new, only better lit. #AskArabella