World shoveling championship of the world
December 8, 2025 at 3:30 PM
World shoveling championship of the world
Save me, geese getting killed
November 17, 2025 at 12:35 AM
Save me, geese getting killed
Night time is for eating cereal standing in your kitchen
July 17, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Night time is for eating cereal standing in your kitchen
Change comes from within
June 5, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Change comes from within
If I were an egg, I would never sit on a wall
May 5, 2025 at 12:42 PM
If I were an egg, I would never sit on a wall
I’ve done more for humanity in my first hundred shits than he has in one hundred days
April 30, 2025 at 3:40 PM
I’ve done more for humanity in my first hundred shits than he has in one hundred days
I regret to inform you that ketchup is king
April 4, 2025 at 10:05 PM
I regret to inform you that ketchup is king
Getting pumped up on coffee and crafting a dashboard that saves my entire company
April 1, 2025 at 10:10 AM
Getting pumped up on coffee and crafting a dashboard that saves my entire company
Showering at a fifth grade level
March 28, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Showering at a fifth grade level
Going through a whole bottle of honey without making everything sticky is my Mount Everest
March 24, 2025 at 12:02 PM
Going through a whole bottle of honey without making everything sticky is my Mount Everest
Big Bird was created by man to answer the question: “What the fuck?”
March 16, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Big Bird was created by man to answer the question: “What the fuck?”
One coffee for every hour of sleep I got last night
March 15, 2025 at 1:31 PM
One coffee for every hour of sleep I got last night
Good morning 3:30 enjoyers, go ahead and buy yourself a house without squeaky floors
March 14, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Good morning 3:30 enjoyers, go ahead and buy yourself a house without squeaky floors
One of the best days last year was taking the baby out for a stroller nap and periodically checking in on Shohei ohtani stats and every time I checked he had another homer
March 13, 2025 at 8:01 PM
One of the best days last year was taking the baby out for a stroller nap and periodically checking in on Shohei ohtani stats and every time I checked he had another homer
Dropping baby off at daycare, taking the skateboard out for a roll, and wanting to live again. Name a more iconic trio
March 13, 2025 at 7:26 PM
Dropping baby off at daycare, taking the skateboard out for a roll, and wanting to live again. Name a more iconic trio
Stress eating cheerios late at night in my underpants
March 6, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Stress eating cheerios late at night in my underpants
C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me
March 2, 2025 at 11:49 PM
C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me
Reposted
I remember when I first heard of Antarctica I was like “what the hell?”
February 28, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I remember when I first heard of Antarctica I was like “what the hell?”
Reposted
A ghost that haunts you by cutting holes in your socks every few weeks
February 17, 2025 at 7:51 PM
A ghost that haunts you by cutting holes in your socks every few weeks
Reposted
Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" has perhaps the most memorable opening line in all of Western literature: "I hope you motherfuckers like reading about whales"
February 16, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" has perhaps the most memorable opening line in all of Western literature: "I hope you motherfuckers like reading about whales"
Snow blowers are for those who are too scared to experience life at its fullest; one that may contain some crushing lows but also some soaring peaks
February 15, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Snow blowers are for those who are too scared to experience life at its fullest; one that may contain some crushing lows but also some soaring peaks
There goes my 4.25 year streak without barfing
February 13, 2025 at 12:08 AM
There goes my 4.25 year streak without barfing
Pokémon Go and getting ripped as hell
February 4, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Pokémon Go and getting ripped as hell