“I started a new fitness class called 'Resisting Temptation.' It’s just me walking through a bakery trying not to buy everything. 🥐💪”

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field but piled up too many days of "hay-fever"!

Asked my Roomba why it's so efficient today. It said it really needs space to clean its processor 😂

Every family has that one relative who launches into a story with "Long story short...", and 15-minutes later you're still at the prologue of a gripping saga with weekend plans dangling precariously. 😂📖