Gee, I wonder why this gem is #1 on Netflix right now?
When a documentary about a poop cruise qualifies as escapist entertainment, that can't be good, right?

The MAGAs sure are obsessed with people owing them apologies, particularly since they never seem to make them.

To shut them up, I propose that Edible Arrangements should have a tasteful "bag of dicks" option that you can send for just these occasions, along with a sympathy card. 🛍 🍆💐📨

I "accidentally" stress-bought at least 20 plants this week.

Most of them are fairly small and meek, but I have somehow ended up with a monster philodendron.

It looked amazing in the photo, but there was no banana for scale. And CRAP! It's the size of a kid! That mofo needs its own zip code. 🤣

Once upon a time, I'd spend Valentine's Eve up until 2 AM, putting together bespoke cards w/ coordinating tchotchkes for each kid.

Tonight, I handed each kid a Sharpie, and carte blanche to stab cardboard hearts with DumDum lollies & scrawl with wild abandon.

Catharsis, AND character building! 🍭

As a Gen Xer with Gen Alpha kids- I'm not equal to explaining most of the crazy going on. Nothing from my childhood was "unprecedented" like this.

They asked a few questions last night. I told them they'd learn about 2025 in their high school history classes.

I hope that turns out to be true.

My boyfriend is gently suggesting that I need to step away from political news after 9PM.

I think I can do that, in the name of (relative) sanity. My only stipulation is that Heather Cox Richardson (@hcrichardson.bsky.social) doesn't count.

How are we doing?

I know this is sappy, but I wish I could give all of us a big hug.

All I can think of is what the schedule must look like.

8AM - 10AM: sign appalling crap I didn't bother to read. Use favorite Sharpie.

10 - 11: Sit on gold toilet

12-1: Hamberders

1-2: Do Crimes

2-5: Golf

6 PM: Tantrum time w/extra ketchup

11 PM- 3AM: Post unhinged crap on Truth Social

Getting ready to meet with a team of teachers at the school.

It's re: my daughter, who just hit her reading benchmarks. She just... happens to act like a velociraptor. Sometimes. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Currently actively disassociating, drinking too much coffee, and humming the "Rocky" theme. None of this will help.

Oh, that sinking feeling when your divorce attorney asks what's wrong with your ex, and you realize that if you get into it, it would likely cost you at least $500 more in legal fees.

Me: "He's...stupid."

It's Sunday.

I turned 50 on Friday.

Last night I met up with an amazing group of women for drinks.

I had one. ONE Moscow Mule.

It pains me to admit this, but I think....I have a hangover. 😫

Anyone who's known me since my 20's is laughing right now.

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"CHOOSE THE FORM OF THE DESTRUCTOR!"

Us:

My therapist and I both agreed to stay angry and laughed, so I might be doing therapy wrong and am probably a bad influence, but on the bright side I no longer GAF? So that's nice.

Here. Have some Serene Pelican Energy.

I have therapy tomorrow.

An hour is not gonna cut it, even if I hit auctioneer speeds.

I feel like I can make these work year round?

If I'm feeling really festive, I can probably just pop some Xmas baubles in the eye sockets.

Behold. Actual cat.

In the interest of full disclosure, I didn't take that background photo, and that's not my actual cat.