Continues: "...rather it's the trans person who should be forcefully segregated and treated like a diseased freak.

They obviously haven't actually done anything tangibly wrong, but I have 4,000 social media memes on my phone that say hypothetically they could, so I'm completely justified."

In a statement, the plantiff said "no, I don't want to voluntarily segregate myself from normal people spaces.

Do you know how degrading and humiliating it would be to use a third space away from normal people...?"

In an ongoing court case in Wycliffe upon Shadwell, it has been revealed that an employee who objected to the mere existence of a trans coworker on the basis of being radicalised by social media, was offered a space by their employer where they could be "safe" from their harmless colleague.

It's not clear yet if people will accept their sexuality being forcefully changed against their will by the government - though the deafening silence by the general population as trans people have an integral part of their humanity stripped away and redefined suggests they will without question.

A government spokesperson said today "Given the reality of trans people, it is not possible to know for certain if that person you fancied on the train this morning is trans or not. It is therefore safer to assume that you're all bisexual now."

"I've been in a same-sex relationship for two decades now" says Sarah from York. "But now my girlfriend has been arbitrarily designated a "man" at the behest a far-right hate group, so now I'm told that I'm not a lesbian anymore...?"

"I thought I was a straight woman" said Marian from Edinburgh "I found a man attractive, but then I found that he'd had a needless legal sex-change forced upon him against his will by the government. So I guess I'm bisexual now...?"

The recent Supreme Court decision, to forcefully recategorise an arbitrary number of women who look like women and have breasts and a vagina as men, and forcefully recategorise an arbitrary number of men who look like men and have a penis and no breasts are women, people's sexuality are now unclear.

The effort by the government to appease far-right special interest groups' rampant transphobia has made not just your gender identity the sole properly of the government, but also your sexual identity. And that identity is always "bisexual".

"But we have to be realistic, that if we're to make the lives of trans people totally unbearable and unworkable for no rational reason, changes must be made to the law that will make everybody's lives unbearable and unworkable. We're confident that's a sacrifice that everybody is willing to make."

"We're aware that expecting people to provide a passport at public toilets to prove their birth sex seemed utterly deranged." said I've spokesperson. "Not least because trans people can have their passports updated to their correct gender marker, but because nobody carries their passport to the pub"

When asked if similar laws would be applied to protect actual trans people; "We can’t rush these things. We will of course need to have at least a ten year consultation period, a non-binding parliamentary vote and see if we can find anybody else to object. Then we can think about looking into it."

“It’s important to keep your bigotry to the correct category. It’s simply not the British way to apply bigotry intended for a minority group to someone outside that minority group. So please be completely certain the person is trans before you start."

“As a result, we have implemented emergency measures to impose a 12 month mandatory custodial sentence for claiming that someone’s trans when they’re not, followed up by a 48 month minimum for any actual harm committed in the name of cis-on-cis transphobia.”

“However, it's come to our attention that some members of the public are starting to face scrutiny, bigotry and even physical violence for being trans. But upon investigation it's turned out that some of these people are not actually transgender, and thus completely undeserving of these attacks.”

“Thanks to a coordinated campaign of anti-trans rhetoric and lies spread about the trans community, we have seen a year-on-year increase in hate speech and hate crimes directed towards transgender individuals.”

A statement prepared by the Labour government highlighted plans to roll out new transphobia protections for cisgender individuals.

"The windscreen has been smashed by 16 cardboard-paper composite rods into a pattern resembling the man... my hero... Elon Musk himself. Such quality. You won't find this on the streets, I assure you!"

"I had the seats pre-soaked in urine. It only takes a couple of weeks to get used to the smell. Kinda rubs off on your clothes, though."

"Tyres are pre-slashed in four places, so it's basically just the rims at this point. Nice. Nice." "Best not get into any accidents like that!" He chuckles wryly.