Being extremely poor and feeling like I fundamentally don’t deserve anything nice ever really reinforced by having the newest/nicest car I’ve own repossessed 4 times before I could pay it off. 🫠

My last concert was an artist who is normally just A Guy With A Guitar On Stage but he got a whole fucken ROCK BAND WITH ELECTRIC FIDDLE since the last time I saw him perform and it was such great music… when I could parse it 🫠

I came to a similar conclusion the last 2 concerts I went to and basically, love to experience live music but every other aspect of a concert is just getting in the way of me enjoying that.

coworkers are finally learning I’m not standoffish, I just need to sit on my breaks and go the fuck home after work. I’ll chat til the cows come home if I’m clocked in, babe.

This shit is Flattening me by 7pm daily but there will be a time where it’s better. I will adjust. But also oh my fucking god, dude.

hopefully doing my version of this in a few months 💛😭🤞

i am eating better now and have been since the weekend, but holy shit the damage hath been done for the time being

Longest month of my year, easily, tho 💀

still have nerve pain down my arm but from previous experience that is going to take another month or two to subside and it’s mostly tolerable

Anyway driving 30+ min to see Different Doctors who normally help rich people is the plan this year because now I don’t have to commute to work and I need someone afraid of a malpractice suite

Bro it was so fucking shocking, I felt like I was in a movie. She also dug her finger into the pinched nerve she told me I have had for 20 years and when I mentioned someone told me I had scoliosis she just went “oh yeah, I can SEE that” like girl how many Celsiuses did you have this morning, hm?

My last neuro was a woman and I thought I’d finally hit the jackpot and then she made fun of my hands shaking after I’d just told her it was a major problem for me/she’d done a bunch of tests that hurt?? But my PCP is the first woman doctor I’ve ever had regularly and there’s def truth to that.

My kingdom for a neurologist who isn’t just a fucking psychopath tho

I feel kinda bad for my PCP right now because she’s legit the best doctor I’ve had in a decade (low bar but I’ve still had some okay ones in there) but I’ve Had It and I had before I ever met her so she’s only ever seen me about to explode. But also I fucking mean it when I say things. 💀

Might add up all my failed specialist appt copays too but I’m not doing that right now for my mental health lol.

I have An Idea of what this is and there will be more tests than standard bloodwork/imaging, I’m so tired of all this fucking shit coming back “normal” (it doesn’t but they can’t explain it so they don’t care) and then we just don’t look into anything further because obviously I must be fine.

Very tired of having heartburn (in combination with other things) so bad I’m legitimately afraid I’m having a heart attack. I’ve had acid reflux for my entire adult life. It’s that bad. Fucking help, lol.