Character I just invented called The Christian Democrat: what the devil needs is training!

Put airbags in the seat of their pants so if they fall it just launches them

Also Kevin Durant just beat this guy’s all-time scoring record. Rough week

the most insane part of this specifically is that even if they were able to dig something up the ICE officer didn’t know that at the time so how would it even justify anything?

Tried to read an article earlier about who won what and instead of listing the wins it was all written in terms of how each win will affect the gambling odds of those movies winning Oscars. It’s insane how much they’re trying to suck the joy out of everything

Democrat politicians refuse to do anything to stop them. Then when anyone does absolutely anything to stop them those same politicians are like “everyone should follow the rules. the only real way to stop this is to vote for me again”

[grows the mustache]

Hakeem Jeffries blindfolded in front of a nazi firing squad doing an Obama impression - let me be clear. when the time is right, we will cross that bridge when we come to it

Thought that was a big ass fire sauce pack for a second

Imagine getting screamed at by David O’Russell while looking like this

The first one had a big impact, at least with all the Donnie Darko teens. Still never even knew they made more than one though

Last week I saw an NBA G League sideline reporter say (and this was her entire hit): “I talked to the coach and he said the plan for this game is to win. But that’s gonna be hard because nothing is easy. Back to you”

I do unironically think Richard Kind could beat Elon in a 1v1 in any sport